The Confessions Thread

[D.o.S.]

I make tea by microwaving a tea bag in water.
Come at me, bro.

why when there is hot water in the tap

I miss you achtane.

[oldangelmidnight]

Sharky, too.

[Big Mon]

I am love's village idiot

[Blackened Soul]

If I was dicktader of this here merka I’d outlaw and have destroyed all pickup trucks, bicycles, sports cars and priuses to help with road safety and to cut down on the major causes of road rage

[dubkitty]

things are going both wonderfully and potentially quite difficult. you might remember my girlfriend Becky, who is disabled and lives in an electric wheelchair. we met on a dating site and improbably fell in love despite the vast differences in our lives and experiences. after a bit over a year i left her because neither of us knew how to break out of the patterns we got stuck in and i couldn't go on, but we stayed in touch and i gave her support during the hospitalizations which are a regular feature of her life. we got back together in the fall of 2021, but i almost immediately fell into a year-and-a-half siege of long COVID which left me entirely incapacitated for three or four months and only receded to the point i can think and function normally back in mid-July. she stood by me like a rock while i was unable to give her the degree of love and attention she needs. this weekend we went on a trip away together for the first time in a year or more, and we fell more deeply in love than we've ever been. i would do anything for her. literally.

but her stepmom, who is her only surviving parent and only remaining link to her childhood family, has recurrent cancer which is likely to be fatal sooner rather than later. so she's preparing to go and visit mom for the first time in ages, and because of her disabilities it's going to be hard for her on every level, traveling there and coping with the fact that she's going to lose her mom soon. i have volunteered to go along and help; if this happens--it's still uncertain depending on Becky's conversation with mom tonight-- i'll probably do most of the driving from Virginia to Kentucky and back because her age and condition make it difficult to go more than 4 hours without burning out. i wouldn't possibly make her go through this alone, and i'm the only one who cares enough to do it.

i love her more than i've ever loved anyone in my whole life, but the idea of being in the middle of this maelstrom of grief and loss is quite terrifying and i'm scared that i won't be able to do enough. however, it's my fucking duty. she mustn't go through this alone, and i don't want anything to hurt her if i can help it even though i know it will. i'm still not recovered from the whirlwind activity of mid-October when i saw four concerts in 8 days including flying to SF for the last night of the Slowdive tour, so this is going to be demanding on about every level. i'm chronically physically exhausted. and i can't pray for strength because i don't believe in a deity. This could be the toughest thing i've done since sitting with my mother at my dad's funeral in 1989, which just about killed me on the spot. i don't really have anyone else i can tell, because my dearest friend of 50+ years passed during the pandemic, i've been estranged from my family for decades, and i have nobody else emotionally close to me other than my girl. i'm not sure what else i can say other than to ask for you guys' support. ILF has always been the kindest place i go on the net, and i'm going to need help to do this.

[Paul_C]

Best of luck with everything - it will pass eventually like everything else in life, but you do look to have a lot to cope with.

Make sure to take care of yourself too.

[coldbrightsunlight]

It's really kind of you to do this for her, and I hope you get through it OK. That sounds like a horrible time but we all need people just keeping things steady when we're in those spots and I guess everyone has to have a turn at it eventually. It's great to hear things are working out with Becky, it's always sounded like she's been a big source of joy and love.

Echo everything Paul said, good luck and take care of yourself.

[Pepe]

I too wish you the very best! You sound like an enormously caring, empathetic and overall great guy. Don't worry now what you might be able to do to console and to back your girlfriend. If you're only half as good as you sound in your very personal lines above, I'm absolutely sure that you will be of great help for her and that it will be much easier for her with you at her side. I'm completely convinced of that. God bless you for what you're going to do, even if you don't believe in him.

[oldangelmidnight]

In the late '90s I used to rent a lot of indie movies from the video store. Dubs, your story reminds me of something out of one of those. Sounds like you're living deep and sucking the marrow. These are the times that stories are made from. Try to keep a record.

[dubkitty]

update: due to other family members coming to see Carolyn (the stepmom) we can't go this weekend. Becky has home commitments for Thanksgiving and an open house at the historic property her sister owns (an old church/attached parsonage that dates to well before WWII they extensively renovated) to prepare for on 12/9. so the most likely openings to go as of now are the weekend of 12/16 or between Christmas and New Years'. i'm encouraging her to go as soon as practically possible because Carolyn's prognosis is unclear and i want them to have some quality time. i confess i'm a bit relieved that i won't have to drive the lift van to Tennessee Thursday afternoon. out of crisis mode and back into being totally romantically besotted for now.

both of us are a little confused by how strongly i've fallen for her all over again, but i'm not going to argue with it because this is about as happy as i've ever been despite all the difficulties, troubles, and atrocities going by from day to day.