ilovefuzz.com

There's this fuckface I work with and every single time he opens his mouth,I wanna take a big,ectoplasmic,post-coffee,post-Guinness shit in it. First off,he's just,well,corny And second,if you say something that he has a difference of opinion on,he bashes. I don't mind friendly,harmless banter or the expression of an opinion that differs from my own. But he's a podium type. Sort of like a Rush Limbaugh/Bill O'Reilly type.
Somebody said how delicious their mushrooms were on their sandwich and right away,the pig dick was all"Mushrooms have no taste and no nutritional value and only yuppie bistro types eat mushrooms!" And I was flabbergasted! I said,politely at first,"My girlfriend is an herbalist and she sells shittake extracts to people all the time."Aww,that's just placebo effect for weak-minded people". So I ignored him and went about my business,eating my shrimp plumadori pasta(mmm!).
Then I get to talking to someone else about music and who I thought were superb guitarists,etc. And the guy said"if you wanna hear a truly amazing guitarist instead of those no-names,listen to Master of Puppets by Metallica-Kirk Hammett is god,I'll suck him off"etc(not verbatim,but you get the idea). And nobody calls Nels Cline a no name in my presence!,J. Mascis either,goddamnit !
Needless to say,at that point I was a little hot. If you take Metallica over Wilco,fair enough.But I wasn't even talking to this prick. Now,to fully appreciate what a fucknut this cat is,he tells dumb jokes that are stale as all get out and if he gets no response,he tells it again until he gets one. So,he fired one off and I don't quite remember what it was,as i was trying not to listen,but it was more than mildly sexist and silence...,you can just about guess what happened next.
He told it again(and,mind you,in mixed company)so the woman I was talking music to before was like"the reason you got no response may have been due largely to the fact that it wasn't funny". So he said"what,too close to home?" And I told the guy,calmly"you're kind of stepping on some toes here". And he continued being all douchey,so I asked my co-worker(who was eating a salmon dish)"you done with that?" And I cold chucked it at the motherfucker,and it just went SPLAT allover his face,he had salmon slivers in his goatee,it was probably the best I've felt since I quit smoking weed and he got up,walked away to clean up and -silence glorious fucking silence.

That last part of the story made it all worthwhile. People are assholes, but sometimes you just gotta make them stop spewing their shit.

Nychthemeron wrote:That last part of the story made it all worthwhile. People are assholes, but sometimes you just gotta make them stop spewing their shit.

yup,this has been going on since I started this new gig. The best part about it is,it was off the clock and off company property,so I'm untouchable

I actually really enjoy people like that
they're completely predictable

i'd amuse myself goading them on
getting them to be polar and extreme about ridiculous ideas
and they're usually toppers too. so you get them to agree with preposterous ideas

I would have agreed with his metallica statement
and then started asking his opinion on their hair
and the conditioner they probably used at the time
and claim that i was once at a metallica show and i saw him do a solo behind his head that was sixteenth notes at 200bpm
backwards and between his legs.
usually the douche has seen an EVEN BETTER SOLO.



that's what i'd do.
and then other people at work will start doing that to him too
and it'll be really amusing
until he figures out what you're doing and just shuts up.
and then you'll miss all the fun you used to have.

Not a bad idea,but a salmon face mask is hard to beat

Dude, you rock.

i hate people like that. I remember having some teachers that never had the wrong opinion, and to get a good grade you had to mimic their notes. i had about 2 original ideas that year in english...

and people who act like they know about music, but their music knowledge is very limited to what is a) popular at the time or b) on guitar hero

they just piss me off.

thanks for nailing that guy in the face....how can someone bash mushrooms!?!?!????

you win the nobel prize for douche chucking.

I definetly like you.

Astricii wrote::thumb:

you win the nobel prize for douche chucking.

Hey is that your devi dual? How do you like it? Detailzzzz

:

Chumley wrote:Dude, you rock.

thebarkpetition wrote:

salmon_slivers.jpg

smile_man wrote:I definetly like you.

and I you. But honestly,that guy is most likely really insecure. And who knows what could've caused him to be that way. It was a hoot,and as far as knocking him off his high horse-mission accomplished. But I'd like to have some sort of dialogue with the guy. Maybe just to tell him that opinions should be offered,not force-fed to anyone. I honestly feel kinda bad.

blooghost wrote: But I'd like to have some sort of dialogue with the guy. Maybe just to tell him that opinions should be offered,not force-fed to anyone. I honestly feel kinda bad.

If he will actually talk to you about it that sounds like a good idea.