To trust or not to trust?

[elbandito]

It's hard to know whether you can trust new ppl, sometimes... Sometimes a person that seems really nice turns out to be a total fraud and you get burned.

Case in point:
A few weeks ago, I met this guy at a metro station not too far from my house, we hung out, went for a couple drinks, smoked a joint together and then I needed to come home to drop something off. I invited the dude into my house and we hung out for a few mins on the couch. He then asked if he could use my computer - which is in my bedroom - so I said sure. We go in, he logs into his email and then asks me for a glass of water. I fetch him some and return. We then leave the house and head out to meet a friend of his... We get to a bar and I'm smoking, so I can't go in and he asks to use my phone. I gave it to him and he goes into the bar, never to be seen again. I spent the rest of the night stalking him, trying to get my phone back to no avail. The next day, I went looking for my digicam, only to see the empty case sitting on my bureau. The fucker thieved it while I was getting him water!

On the other hand, sometimes a person is totally the shit and your faith pays off:
Yesterday, I went to test a '91 Peavey Classic 50 212 amp that I found on CL. The guy brought me into his jam spot, let me try the amp and we discovered that there was a strange buzzing sound coming out of it when I my settings were bass heavy. I figured that maybe the speaker needed re-coning or something, so I offered to take the amp anyway, try it out with another set that I have and if it didn't work out, I'd give him back the amp and he'd return my money. As we were parting, the dude says to me: "You know what? Why don't you just take the amp, keep your money and email when you decide whether you're going to keep it or not?" Obviously, I was like

So now I've got a (60lbs!!) amp here that I haven't paid for... the dood doesn't know me from Adam and there's no guarantee that I won't run away with it. Luckily for him, I'm an honest guy and I already emailed him about it but... WOW!


Anyway, would/have any of you had similar experiences in either of these cases? How do you tell an honest person from a dishonest one, without the benefit of time or independent confirmation?

[Dr. Sherman Sticks M.D.]

wow dude those are both pretty outrageous on both ends of the spectrum!



anyway, i used to know this guy who i would buy records from, he has since moved to another country, but i met him on CL, he invited me into his home. the friendliest dude ever. he really knew his records too. for a period of maybe like 6 months to a year i only bought records from him, i stopped goin to record shops entirely (not a big fan of a lot of record store clerks either, but thats a different story). i used to go there for hours and listen to records, he would just leave me alone in his living room with all his stacks (expensive records too, like crazy good, rare, even a lot of eastern european shit that is pricey), while he did work somewhere else in the house most of the time. on a few occassions he even let me take records home with me to listen to w/o paying (like about $150 worth, so not peanuts) to see if i wanted to purchase them b/c he had to leave or somethin i dont remember exactly. i was real shocked when that happend, and brought them back the next time i went over there. anywhoo he barely knew me at all, aside from the handful of times i went over to his crib. he didnt know where i lived or anything. he was a real stand up dude. he even tried to help me make some dough with side jobs and was going to help me on some big record hauls, not asking for a cut or anythin. he was always lookin to help out.

[thebarkpetition]

Here's an adage that I find useful: Be trustworthy, but not necessarily trusting.

[devnulljp]

My old flatmate invited a couple of street guys in for lunch once -- he was a total love all humanity socialist idealist -- of course, he went to the bathroom and they hoofed it with TV, stereo, and anything they could stuff in their pockets.

OTOH, my wife is an artist and I've seen her hand $5~$10,000 pieces of art to people and say "Send me a cheque when you get home" -- it's never failed yet.
I mailed a guy on CL a pedal on the understanding he'd send me a cheque -- he did.

[iblamesummers]

TRUST NO ONE

[elbandito]

wow dude those are both pretty outrageous on both ends of the spectrum!

Dude, it amazes me how many ppl have trusted me with things in the past. I must have an honest face or something. I'm usually pretty lucky too, I so seldom get burned like this that I think I've almost forgotten how to be careful.

i usually have trouble trusting new people. like u said, the ppl who seem really chill usually end up being frauds.

Well, I didn't say usually. I really feel that showing trust is the only way to persuade others to do the same. If we were all paranoid of each other all the time, life would be even more horrible and intolerant than it already is.

My old flatmate invited a couple of street guys in for lunch once -- he was a total love all humanity socialist idealist -- of course, he went to the bathroom and they hoofed it with TV, stereo, and anything they could stuff in their pockets.

This reminds me of a story I was told once, I believe it happened in Vancouver:

This guy brought some another guy into his house to check out some gear... We'll call them Tim and Dave. They hang out and Timm thinks this Dave guy is alright and he offers to smoke a joint and chill on the couch. About halfway thru the spliff, Dave asks if he can call up a buddy he was supposed to meet and whether said friend could come over. Tim, feeling high and complacent assents. New guy shows up, they chill for a bit and then Dave and his bud decide it's time to leave, as they've got stuff to do (it's interesting to note that Dave didn't buy anything).

Now, Tim usually worked nights but this one week, he happened to be working a day shift. He comes back to his apartment in the early afternoon - 'round about 3 in the PM - takes a couple steps inside, only to find two guys in his apartment, raiding his shit. Tim proceeds to shit himself. I mean, what else would you do, right?

The guys in his apartment, turn, see him and drop the shit, completely stunned. Tim stands there, speechless. He looks a little more closely at their faces and realizes that one of the guys is DAVE! They'd been casing his house since the last visit and figured that this time would be best cuz they wouldn't have to rush. This particular day, however, was a bad choice. Luckily for Tim, these guys weren't professional or even advanced robbers. They were complete noobs; Dave approached Tim and asked him if it'd be cool if everybody just left and pretended like nothing happened. Luckily for Dave and his buddy, Tim is a bit of a pussy and didn't dive for the nearest sharp kitchen utensil. The luckless criminals left, Tim took stock of his affairs, as well as his nerves and nobody called the cops (wtf?!).

The twist to this story is that Tim is now a friend of mine. I met him because he saw me busking... he stopped, played with me a bit and then invited me over to his house to smoke a joint. Even though Tim got seriously burned - even though that situation could have turned very ugly - he still goes happily along, meeting ppl and sharing trust with others. We can only hope that he's become a better judge of character over the years.

[tuffteef]

FTW

thus just means your a nice guy
unfortunately theres some nasty people out there

[Connor]

I feel like there may be certain unfortunate situations for people. when they get taken advantage of by others. But even if that happens, I believe that the energy you put out is the energy you receive, and that most things come to a balance.

[Ghost Hip]

Peavey Classic 50. I have the 4x10 and its awesome.

Crazy stories though, I've come across quite a few positive ones like that with members on here via trading and what not. Fortunately I haven't encountered any bandits.

[elbandito]

Peavey Classic 50. I have the 4x10 and its awesome.

Hey, have you ever had a problem with the fan rattling against its casing? I'm pretty sure thats what's happening in this amp. Think I'm gonna just disconnect it... My other amp is a '56 Gibson GA40T and it's tubes never overheat. I'm sure the Peavey will live without it.

I feel like there may be certain unfortunate situations for people. when they get taken advantage of by others. But even if that happens, I believe that the energy you put out is the energy you receive, and that most things come to a balance.

+1

[Dr. Sherman Sticks M.D.]

I feel like there may be certain unfortunate situations for people. when they get taken advantage of by others. But even if that happens, I believe that the energy you put out is the energy you receive, and that most things come to a balance.

+1 to this.

i hope i didnt come off as overly paranoid or negative with my first post (i dont always choose my words the best, esp when i've just woken up). i can usually get along well w/ people i dont know in most situations. not smoking weed like i used to helps me be NOT as paranoid and more social.

i'm usually pretty positive and friendly towards people. i've had mostly good to great experiences with ppl on this forum, ebay, and locally on CL or in life in general. i try to treat peeps in the same manner.

i think i am more cautious when it comes to inviting total strangers into my home, things like that. i just try to avoid bad situations from happening in the first place (can't always win that battle tho). i used to live by myself in a pretty shady neighborhood so that made me a little more cautious and aware of my surroundings.

[iblamesummers]

man. seems like every story elbandito comes w/ involves weed. drugs & meeting neu ppl almost NEVER work out & i tend to never smoke w/ strangers.

i am a pretty trusting dude but at teh same time i feel i am a good judge or character. i don't trust a limp handshake, someone that won't look me in teh eye, overly talkative ppl & stories and situations that seem too good to be true. i'm a friendly person to a point but i'm kind of not into bro'ing it up wily-nily w/ dudes either. i'd rather max & relax and & convo w/ a chick or something.

lots of ppl come up to me all time to wanting to talk. maybe i have an honest face too becuz lots of times strangersonthestreet & ppl i just met want to confide in me like a priest & tell me their life stories & shit. i mean ppl just come up to me. i'm a quiet reserved dude & i keep to myself and still ppl come up to me & shit wanting to talk or whatever.

[Connor]

I stopped smoking completely because it made me too paranoid, And usually the people it puts you into contact with are not the best to be around. I'm not all against, it just doesn't sit well with me.

[Dr. Sherman Sticks M.D.]

I stopped smoking completely because it made me too paranoid, And usually the people it puts you into contact with are not the best to be around. I'm not all against, it just doesn't sit well with me.

me too. havent smoked in like 2-3 months now. its been a nice change of pace.

[elbandito]

man. seems like every story elbandito comes w/ involves weed. drugs & meeting neu ppl almost NEVER work out & i tend to never smoke w/ strangers.

i am a pretty trusting dude but at teh same time i feel i am a good judge or character. i don't trust a limp handshake, someone that won't look me in teh eye, overly talkative ppl & stories and situations that seem too good to be true. i'm a friendly person to a point but i'm kind of not into bro'ing it up wily-nily w/ dudes either. i'd rather max & relax and & convo w/ a chick or something.

lots of ppl come up to me all time to wanting to talk. maybe i have an honest face too becuz lots of times strangersonthestreet & ppl i just met want to confide in me like a priest & tell me their life stories & shit. i mean ppl just come up to me. i'm a quiet reserved dude & i keep to myself and still ppl come up to me & shit wanting to talk or whatever.

dude, seriously? I only told two stories and they happened to involve weed. Big deal.

We seem to have similar afflictions, with the whole random ppl wating to tell you their life stories thing. Run with it, I say. Try to ignore the crazies and keep the good ppl around. I met one of my best friends that way. She happens to be a chick and now we do the maxing and relaxing thing (which is a very gay colloquialism, if i may say so). You seem to have developed a method though, which I can dig.

What constitutes an honest face, I wonder?