Don't Hit Your Penis With Your Gear

$harkToootth · Post by **$harkToootth** » Fri Dec 04, 2020 8:49 pm

This is a gear forum. Why are we on here? For any number of reasons really. Sometimes reasons can morph, modulate, and bleed into one another. I'd liken it to a self-exploratory rube goldberg.

Anything you plug into will have a set of reasons. A reason to express yourself. A reason to conjure the entity of sound.

Now I implore thee to use reason in the subsequent assessment of your reasons, yet among these reasons... is confusion. For those who have been confused before, take this thread as a gentle reminder... to in fact.. but and as... [img]be%20gentle[/img] and don't slam your gear on your penis or/and balls.

All of that money you spent on your rig that gets gigged once a year in your friend’s buddy’s DIY gig? Don't use to hit yourself in the penis and balls.

Now I'm not saying to stop reading this, sell your gear and start learning to play your instrument. I am saying, don't use any of that stuff to hit yourself in the penis and balls. If you have the other set of parts.... don't hit yourself there either. Gear won’t get you Steve Lukathor’s tone! Tone is in the fingers, and your fingers need to practice. So do just that... and don't hit yourself in the penis and balls with your gear.

What would Steve Vai do? I'll tell you what he wouldn't do. Steve Vai is well known for not using his gear to hit himself in his penis and balls. He never did.
What would Steve Earle and other genuinely talented musicians do? Sell your fucking gear, buy heroin, skip court, do jail time, and practice. JUST DON'T HIT YOURSELF IN THE PENIS AND BALLS (and that other stuff) with your gear.

Change your name to Steve and DON'T HIT YOURSELF IN THE PENIS, BALLS, LABIA MAJORA, LABIA MINORA, Regular Menorah, VAGINAL CANAL PANAMA CANAL, URETHRA, MY-RETHRA, MOTHRA WITH YOUR GEAR. JUST DON'T!!!!!

Scruffie · Post by **Scruffie** » Fri Dec 04, 2020 8:52 pm

So... Ian Dury lied to us?

Eivind August · Post by **Eivind August** » Fri Dec 04, 2020 8:58 pm

Too late,

$harkToootth · Post by **$harkToootth** » Fri Dec 04, 2020 9:04 pm

Eivind August wrote:Too late,

It's late... but not 2 late.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PItMuGp39Q[/youtube]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PItMuGp39Q

Velcro Bottom · Post by **Velcro Bottom** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 12:14 am

Now you tell me.

Gone Fission · Post by **Gone Fission** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 12:32 am

You’re not my Dad!

Now excuse me, I need to practice playing guitar with my vagina dentata.

Dandolin · Post by **Dandolin** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 1:20 am

Dad?

goroth · Post by **goroth** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 3:59 am

Man I wish I had read this thread earlier.
OW!

MechaGodzilla · Post by **MechaGodzilla** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 7:49 am

nothing in the OP forbidding butt stuff!

fcknoise · Post by **fcknoise** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 8:36 am

yeah this is the advice i come to ilf for. i was on tgp for a number of years and they all believe in shit like tonewood and taking a aluminum necked les paul and hanging to the ceiling at the perfect height and release a switch to make the thing swing at a perfect angle to hit you in the penis and balls. dorks

Velcro Bottom · Post by **Velcro Bottom** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 9:07 am

fcknoise wrote:Taking a aluminum necked les paul and hanging to the ceiling at the perfect height and release a switch to make the thing swing at a perfect angle to hit you in the penis and balls.

I could get into this with the right person.

Dandolin · Post by **Dandolin** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 10:21 am

just watch out that you don't fall for the old velcro-on-the-headstock gag, Velcro Bottom

Schlatte · Post by **Schlatte** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 3:05 pm

and always use loop-side velcro on genitalia, since hook-side velcro can cause skin irritation.

Pepe · Post by **Pepe** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 4:15 pm

These are the life hacks everybody should know!

adamajah · Post by **adamajah** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:40 pm

I had mine inverted for this reason alone

ilovefuzz.com

Don't Hit Your Penis With Your Gear

Don't Hit Your Penis With Your Gear

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