bad jokes

[CyaNitrate]

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



Only two, but how did they get in the lightbulb?

[KaosCill8r]

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

[gnomethrone]

TWO PEANUTS WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET. ONE PEANUT WAS ASSAULTED... PEANUT.

[MSUsousaphone]

This is dangerous.

http://thehardtimes.net/2014/12/30/7-de ... punk-show/

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck a plunger in the toilet.

Bonus answer: they rearranged the furniture.

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

If your name were drrr drrr drrr you'd run away, too.




Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

Because she was a woman.

[behndy]

lol. almost got a spit take out of Karina with the DRAHAH DRRRA DRBAHAHAHHHA Keller joke.

how many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

they don't. they just beat the shit out of it for going black.

[lordgalvar]

What does an Eskimo get for sitting too much?

Polaroids.

[ThurberMingus]

A ghost walks into a bar and orders a shot of vodka.

The bartender says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve spirits here."



How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

[KaosCill8r]

Two guys are walking home from the pub, and one looks down on the ground and sees an envelope.
Picks it up and it's an un-opened pay packet. Opens it up and there is a thousand bucks in there.
His mate says "fuck a thousand bucks, you're so lucky dude"
The other guy says "lucky my arse, look at the fucking tax I'm paying"

[CyaNitrate]

For behndy, it'll earn you either a laugh or a slap:

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

I can't jelly my dick in your ass.

[behndy]

hey! that is actually one of my favorite jokes in the worlds.

dooooooood. i NEVER thought i'd get to do that without doing the setup myself. a year or so back i was at a farmer's market with a friend, we were in a booth looking at preserved fruits, and she asked, "what's the difference between jelly and jam?".

i was so damn excited i screamed out YOU CAN'T JELLY YOUR DICK INTO A SEVEN YEAR OLLLLLLLLLD!!!!!!!!

........ i....... didn't make many friends. that day.

[amnesiac305]

Well...okay then....

[KaosCill8r]

How do you know a virgin girl down south?
She can run faster than her father and two brothers.

What is foreplay down south?
Are you awake mom?

[hbombgraphics]

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Hey wanna see something cool?"
Bartender says "sure"
So he pulls a tiny piano and stool out of a bag, followed by a little man.
The little man promptly sits down and starts playing the piano.
The bartender says "Dude, that's amazing, where did you get him"
The guy tells the bartender a story of how he met a troll that gave him one wish.
The Bartender seems impressed, but the guy points out that the troll is hard of hearing.
The Bartender says "How do you know that??"
And the guy says............"YOU THINK I ASKED FOR A 12 INCH PIANIST?"

[D.o.S.]

How do you know a virgin girl down south?
She can run faster than her father and two brothers.

What is foreplay down south?
Are you awake mom?

Jajajajajjajaa.

[behndy]

How do you know a virgin girl down south?
She can run faster than her father and two brothers.

What is foreplay down south?
Are you awake mom?

lol. my favorite incest joke -

young grrL comes out of her room in her trailer, says to her dad sitting in a beat up recliner, "Diddy. i need to borrow the car."

dropping his pants, he replies, "well, you know what you got to do."

she drops to her knees, proceeds to blow him. after a minute she stops and looks up, "Diddy.... your dick tastes like SHIT."

*Finger Snap Of Remebrance*

"ohhhh damn i forgot. your brother has the car."