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popvulture wrote:Two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks at the other and asks "does this taste funny to you?"

::hides::

HAH.

that actually reminds of one of my favorite shitty jokes -

what's the definition of trust? two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.

Microsoft Works

BOOM.

YA MAWMZ.

A duck walks into the store, and asks the teller behind the counter, "Do you have any grapes?" The teller says, "No, we don't have any grapes here." So the duck walks out of the store. The very next day the duck walks into the same store, and asks the same teller, "Do you have any grapes?" The teller says, "No, we don't have any grapes." The duck walks back out. The next day the duck walks back into the same store and asks the teller, "Do you have any grapes?" The teller gets quite mad, and yells at the duck, "NO! And if you ask again I'll staple your feet to the floor!!!" So the duck walks back out. The very next day the duck walks into the store and asks the teller, "Do you have any staples?" The teller responds quite surprised, "Umm, no we don't have any staples." So the duck asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

hee.

as long, what do you call a mature boob? responsibilititty.

You made that last one up didn't you Behndy?

Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes?

He uses the highest quality ingredients.

blankfield wrote:Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes?

He uses the highest quality ingredients.

Ah, the good ol' anti-joke.

Inconuucl wrote:

blankfield wrote:Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes?

He uses the highest quality ingredients.

Ah, the good ol' anti-joke.

My favorite! It's weird because I'm Pro-Skub.

A blind man walks in to a bar. Clonk!

A man is sitting on his couch watching a movie, biting his fingernails and trembling with fear. He yells at the screen: "No...No!! What are you doing?! Don't go in there! Turn around! It's not safe! Noooooo!"
In walks his wife and says: "What are you watching? I told you not to watch horror movies so late at night."
He replies: "I'm not. It's our wedding video"

Joan and Jonah Hill are on their vacation in Transylvania, when their car runs out of gas in the middle of the road. There are no other cars in sight, so after waiting for a while they decide to walk to the nearest place with a telephone. They walk for hours, until they suddenly see a giant castle on the top of a mountain. They walk up to it, and ring the doorbell. A small, hunchbacked character opens the door, and immediately shouts: "Maaaaster, we've got company." A tall man in a lab coat appears, introducing himself as Dr. Frankenstein, and they explain their predicament to him. "Come with me," Dr. Frankenstein says, and brings them down into the cellar, where he keeps his cell phone.

But the stairs are old and narrow, and Jonah falls onto Joan, resulting in them tumbling down the stairs. The hunchback checks on the bloody mess below, and declares "Maaaaster, they are dead!" "Not on my watch," Dr. Frankenstein declares, lighting a cigarette. He gets to work, strapping Joan and Jonah to wooden benches, putting electrodes on their foreheads, and hooking them up to a giant Tesla coil. "Here goes nothing," the good doctor exclaims, as he pulls a lever. Blasts of electricity run through Joan and Jonahs bodies, but nothing happens. The doctor tries again, but it seems futile. Saddened, he gives up, gets a drink from the nearby liquor cabinet, and walks upstairs to his electric organ, which he likes to play when he's feeling down. The hunchback is left below to clean up.

But suddenly, when the organ notes fills the castle with sound, the hunchback sees Joan and Jonahs bodies slowly starting to move. Upstairs, Dr. Frankenstein stops playing for a second, as he's taking a rather big slug from his drink, and at the same time the bodies stop moving. "Must've been my imagination," the hunchback thinks to himself, and keeps cleaning the cellar. But as soon as the music starts again, the bodies starts moving. Though he knows correlations does not imply causation, the hunchback is grippen by excitement, and screams: "Master! Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

*drops mic*

yay! so many GROANS!

goroth wrote:You made that last one up didn't you Behndy?

i WISH. Tumblr post i think?

Bear is shitting in the words, Little Rabbit is hopping on by, minding his own business. Bear asks, "hey. hey Rabbit. you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

"why no. no, good sir, i do not."

Bear reaches over, grabs Rabbit, wipes his ass with him.

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.

My girlfriend was putting her makeup on. I told her that she had drawn her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.