dubkitty wrote:dear God, i'm sad today. i'm getting ready to try to make a desperate relocation under duress from one place i never wanted to go to in the first place and some other unknown place. i just can't cope...but i have to. AGAIN. i feel like i'm wandering the world useless, unwanted, unloved and alone. the only people i ever talk to in person are my cousin, health care providers, and people at the food store. and i'm terrified that the only place i'll be able to stay won't let me bring my kitty. i'm just so fucking tired of living. it really doesn't seem worth the effort any more.
I was you a while ago in my life. I was so depressed I thought about doing just about anything to get away from it. I was with a woman who was not good for me. I had no ambition and I was 300+ lbs. When I played in my last band I thought about throwing my gear into the Willamette river because I was such a chicken shit. I almost lost my job multiple times ( They even gave me a nickname at work, Johnny's daughter because I complained so much *my dad is my boss*) I was a slob and lived in my head.
My 20's were the roughest years for me and when I saw nothing but dark skies it got too much.
I broke down and I did some things that I never thought I had the balls to do. I broke up with my girlfriend with a 3 month fling with another woman, I got therapy, stated dating again and out of nowhere meet a coffee date who turned out to be my wife.
I am still dealing with thoughts and emotions from that time period of my life and probably still will.
It gets better amigo, even though you can't see it.
Don't give up we love having you here.