Dear Behndy, (a place for advice)

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

Do you ever sit around staring at your testicles being freaked out by the scar down the middle? Its a scar right? From where your wombpussy welded shut when you were made a boy and not a girl or a reptile?



Corporeal life forms are fucking disgusting.

In some species it stays open and vaguely resembles a coffee bean. That leaves the sperm tendrils free to penetrate without fear of the ghastly vaginal stench.

[Deltaphoenix]

Dear Behndy,
What was the awesomest food you ate in Japan this trip?
Do you have ny Japanese recipes to share?

[MSUsousaphone]

Dear Behndy,

Can I be an active proponent of Team Jacob and still be straight?

Any intelligent girl with common sense and good judgment would answer the Jacob vs Edward question the same way. Team Jacob and his family of werewolves are far superior to Team Edward and his quirky clan of icy vampires. Countless reasons account for this truth, but the main foundations for my opinion are the spine-tingling history and legends that unite the Quileute tribe; the exhilaration of being able to shape-shift and communicate telepathically; and the fact that, while the werewolves are clearly supernatural, they are also eminently human.

The unique and strong connection among the members of Jacob’s Quileute tribe is very appealing. The family are bound by a deep and proud history of staggering bravery, practical magic, and a commitment to peaceful living. Their extraordinary sense of honor and dignity provides fertile ground for the elders to introduce and nurture the tribe’s rich traditions and folklore. According to one particular legend, a woman – whose husband was being attacked by a vampire – heroically and selflessly stabbed herself in order to draw the vampire’s attention. Her sacrifice ended up saving her husband’s life. What could be better than sharing in this rich, proud history? Only one thing I can think of: sharing in their mind-boggling supernatural abilities!

But really. He could mind fuck me. All hard and vulgar like. But just in the mind. So that in real life he's cradling me in his amazingly corded arms. Sweet and savory in real life, dirty and nasty in my mind. It HAS to be the answer. It just HAS to.

[univalve]

What is this shit?
Who is that behndy guy?
Go fuck yourself.

[Deltaphoenix]

Sousa...Just Wow! A very well thought out piece of writing. I want to be a Werewolf too!

[behndy]

Dear Behndy,
What was the awesomest food you ate in Japan this trip?
Do you have ny Japanese recipes to share?

urf. i dunno. i lurv most everything over there. izakaiya is always super fun. it's like tapas? but with real portions and without the insane pricing?

but it's really comfort food for me. stuff like tamago donburi (rice bowl with eggs) and udon. we ate ASS loads of udon. so good.

recipes? shit nia. i am the WORST cook. i burned cereal once. get a japanese grrL that knows how to cook. BENEFICIAL.

[behndy]

Dear Behndy,

Can I be an active proponent of Team Jacob and still be straight?

Any intelligent girl ........He could mind fuck me. All hard and vulgar like. But just in the mind. So that in real life he's cradling me in his amazingly corded arms. Sweet and savory in real life, dirty and nasty in my mind. It HAS to be the answer. It just HAS to.

i see nothing gay about that at all. furries are the Internet's Whipping Boys but i can dig a bit of animal play. what's a feathered butt plug between friends except just sharing interests?

i'm more concerned with your depth of knowledge for such a shoddily written piece of fiction. i tried to read the first book when it first started being the popular..... my cuzzo that i ADORE lurved it, i try not to judge her for that.

i think any movement away from worrying about where people put their peener or what they want to store in their vagoo and just slut shaming people that have shit taste in media is just..... just BOSS. we could stomp out "reality" tv! get a REAL perv to write a Old Layday Wettening series of sub-dom books! leak sex tapes from the White House!

fuck. now i'm moist and sad that that's not how things go. thanks. thanks for that.

[behndy]

What is this shit?
Who is that behndy guy?
Go fuck yourself.

truth.

also, i think i love you. don't be afraid. accept the affection. lean INTO the affection. be oooOOoOOoOOOOoOOoOOoone with the sloppy affeeeeeeeeectiooooooooooooooon.

meow.

[snipelfritz]

What should I do tonight? I'm just chilling at home, ronery, bonery. I've got pot, but I need to leave the house to smoke it. So should I go to the bar? I'll likely run into somebody I know.

le sigh.

[dubkitty]

dear bendy,

i've moved across the country to try to find work, and am stuck living in my cousin's trailer home in Des Plains, IL, hard enough by ORD that the planes go straight overhead when the winds are right and totally drown out the Ziggy Stardust movie . though i've gotten some sporadic interest from agencies, i'm not really much closer to being up and running than i was in California, where i was totally marginalized, lost my job, spouse/partner, and my home to foreclosure. i'm working with my depressiion and managing to keep it under relative control, but it's a constant struggle.

so what in the world do i do to try to create a relatively decent social and musical life in a totally new location where i don't know anyone and the market for 55 year old guitarists is limited, especially when i want to do shoegaze, dense experimental, and ambient/EDM. it seems like Craigslist is totally impossible. so what do i do? i totally suck at chatting people up in bars and gigs because i've become reclusive and paranoid over the ears. i just want to find some compatible people i can relate to. so what do you suggest?

signed,
Lost Kitty

[behndy]

What should I do tonight? I'm just chilling at home, ronery, bonery. I've got pot, but I need to leave the house to smoke it. So should I go to the bar? I'll likely run into somebody I know.

le sigh.

i....... haven't left the house but to grab one meal today. nude. nude and playing video games. i sorted some mp3's today too.

so i say smoke that motherfucker, pretend the wall is made of shark and get your scale humpin ON.

do it.

DO. IT.

[behndy]

dear bendy,

i've moved across the country to try to find work, and am stuck living in my cousin's trailer home in Des Plains, IL, hard enough by ORD that the planes go straight overhead when the winds are right and totally drown out the Ziggy Stardust movie . though i've gotten some sporadic interest from agencies, i'm not really much closer to being up and running than i was in California, where i was totally marginalized, lost my job, spouse/partner, and my home to foreclosure. i'm working with my depressiion and managing to keep it under relative control, but it's a constant struggle.

so what in the world do i do to try to create a relatively decent social and musical life in a totally new location where i don't know anyone and the market for 55 year old guitarists is limited, especially when i want to do shoegaze, dense experimental, and ambient/EDM. it seems like Craigslist is totally impossible. so what do i do? i totally suck at chatting people up in bars and gigs because i've become reclusive and paranoid over the ears. i just want to find some compatible people i can relate to. so what do you suggest?

signed,
Lost Kitty

first off, i know it's just a dropped y but i REALLY want to believe you had some run in with a roving band of ambulatory ears. that scarred you. and made you doubt the world around you and your place in it.

jebus. you and Snipely. SO out of my wheelhouse. i'm kinda an introvert and horrible with Live Action Humans. i've worked at the same place for nigh onto 13 years and the bands i've been in i knew the people, so i can't give ANY advice about meeting up prospects. urm........ do the local show thing, bump into band doods after a set and chat them up? offer them a bottle of Red Bull and tell them, "i TOTALLY didn't roofie this. i have no desire to have you all wacked out and non-remember'y but also full of humpy fun energy. TOTALLY."? i've...... had mixed results with that approach.

not trying to be flippant, sounds like you've got some dookie-flavored stuff to deal with right now. sucks.

hugs?

[Haki]

Catherine or Katherine?

[behndy]

always start on 2, and always with a K. just like Kalifornia.

ADELLE, PUT YOUR TITTY UP.

[amnesiac305]

Who needs a therapist when you got Behndy in the house.