devi ever wrote:dubkitty wrote:i've had my issues with Devi, but it's not fair to say stuff that's false. it's not true that she's never "completed any project fully or on-time." nor is it the case that "literally everything Devi says is a lie." have some projects fallen through? has she presented herself less than optimally? duh. and i don't think the somewhat wary, "show me" reaction a lot of folks are expressing towards the C2 indicates a "blind eye." but Devi's done a lot of good work over the years, and lately has had to work out just how to deal with her business--as someone who came to business as a necessity rather than an avocation--while dealing with some really deep personal work. when you're a human being, you make mistakes sometimes, and sometimes you fail, and in my world you get a chance to try again as long as you don't bite me in the ass on the way. it's not a blind eye, it's that i hope that everything works out. i want Devi to be happy, have a successful business, and make great gear that's affordable and rips ass.
Thank you. I'm glad someone is willing to be understanding and see the whole of my life's work in this biz rather than just the past few years.
I've said it once and I'll say it again... somewhere between voice surgery and facial surgery I fucked up and lost track of what I was doing with anything in my life. People call my transition an excuse, but I'm not excusing my behavior... but it's definitely been the reason for me acting erratically the past few years... and now that I'm finally finding some semblance of comfort with myself, but this time with out all the gender dysphoria bull shit (well... most of it's gone)... I can start moving forward again.
I always love the metaphor of trans-people going through a second puberty when they transition. I think a lot of you can agree with me when I say I've been acting like a bratty teenager the past few years... so lol... yeah... so it goes.
My biggest regret is all that I've done to piss off so many people over the course of the past few years. I know how much I hurt my fans and internet friends in the chaos of me adjusting to my new state of being and figuring out just exactly what I was going to do with my future. I mean, hell... I gave up ILF because I honestly DID feel that somehow I was bigger and better than associating with other pedal makers and having some kind of "responsibility" to people in this community that I help cull together.
But in truth, I was just running away from something that, at the time, I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to be a part of anymore. I was really convinced for a while there that I'd be able to get out of the pedal game and just quickly move on to being a successful muscian... or god forbid some kind of e-celebrity.
I admit... I became extremely delusional about my place in the world, and hurt a lot of people in the process.
Thankfully the closest of my friends have forgiven and moved forward with me... unfortunately some people I really cared about are still hurt... but doubly fortunately, many are just waiting for the "proof in the pudding" and I aim to redeem myself...
... and I'm confident the Console is going to be just such a thing. Not an overnight fix... it's definitely going to be a slow burner of a project... but in the end I think it's definitely going to represent the best aspects of what I have learned in all my successes and failures in this business.
Once again, to those who read this and have been hurt. I'm more sorry than you can honestly imagine... and I don't expect that you will ever be able to forgive me, and that's okay... because I forgive you for (and understand) the anger that comes along with your distrust, and if my current and future actions aren't enough to win you back... well... I can only do so much as a human... so I guess you'll just have to wait till I upgrade to my robot body for me to return to a state in which I can tantalize your mind with wondrous future effects possibilities.

The beautiful thing is... by the end of it all, after the bridges I've burned and dreams I almost left behind... I've found this amazing balance between all my great passions... I still love the pedal business at the end of the day... just realized I don't want to be a builder my entire life... I still enjoy music... just realized I don't want it to be a career that takes me away from home... and all the other creative aspects are now funneling in developing video games... kinda my "retirement plan" if you will... lol. Add a dash of developing local Portland friendships and the amazing blooming flower that has developed with the love of my life Charlotte... and life is pretty sweet... and getting better day by day... and I think it's going to be pretty obvious as the months go by how that is reflected in my pedal business... if it hasn't already to some degree.
