after getting up at 5AM and driving 150 miles back and forth to jam with folks last Saturday i managed to sleep wrong on my neck/right shoulder Sunday night and have since been in some of the worst fucking pain of my life, real honest-to-god-seeing stuff/hollering-out-loud/can't afford to go to the doctor for morphine pain. it's getting better thanks to a combnation of imobility, huge Motrins left over from th gf's last tooth extraction, massive amounts of indica, etc., but it was only last night that i could sleep for more than a couple of hours. i'm rreally getting tired of hanging in there with life and existence and stuff. tomorrow i have to go down to San Jose to pay another $700 traffic ticket so i can get my suspended license reinstated. i haven't been able to play all week. i can't even sit up straight, and i have to use the mouse left-handed. have i mentioned that 4even by my general standards of sick and tired of life, i'm bloody well ready to be over and done with this shit? i would like nothing better in this world than to never wake up again...if only i could bring myself not to care about the folks who would cry when i was gone, and the way my kitties would walk around yowling because they wouldn't understand why i didn't come home to them any more. doesn't Bob love me any more? that's the terrible thing...they need me more than i need me. far, far more. i'm so tired of me you wouldn't even believe it. i'm sick of my face, my voice, the memories in my brain, the sound of my playing, the stupid fucking hats, the ugly fucking clothes i wear. i wish i could wipe the entire fucking slate clean and start over again. but i can't and that's the tragedy of it.
In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni
FIFTY YEARS OF SCARING THE CHILDREN 1970-2020--and i'm not done yet
The fucking guitarist I've been working with for the past month or so not only didn't learn two songs that he claimed he knew (and agreed to play this week), but his explanation was that he "listened to them, but didn't sit down and go over them." He has had over two weeks to do so. The drummer I've been working with since February has just gotten progressively more and more inconsistent with mistakes left and right that weren't there the week before. Neither have a drug problem. Fuck. Firing the guitarist tomorrow? I do think so.
I keep going to sleep at night, getting about 2 hours of sleep then waking up, feeling tired all day and then falling asleep in the afternoon and waking up at some stupid time in the evening Shittiest sleeping pattern ever.
dubkitty wrote:after getting up at 5AM and driving 150 miles back and forth to jam with folks last Saturday i managed to sleep wrong on my neck/right shoulder Sunday night and have since been in some of the worst fucking pain of my life, real honest-to-god-seeing stuff/hollering-out-loud/can't afford to go to the doctor for morphine pain. it's getting better thanks to a combnation of imobility, huge Motrins left over from th gf's last tooth extraction, massive amounts of indica, etc., but it was only last night that i could sleep for more than a couple of hours. i'm rreally getting tired of hanging in there with life and existence and stuff. tomorrow i have to go down to San Jose to pay another $700 traffic ticket so i can get my suspended license reinstated. i haven't been able to play all week. i can't even sit up straight, and i have to use the mouse left-handed. have i mentioned that 4even by my general standards of sick and tired of life, i'm bloody well ready to be over and done with this shit? i would like nothing better in this world than to never wake up again...if only i could bring myself not to care about the folks who would cry when i was gone, and the way my kitties would walk around yowling because they wouldn't understand why i didn't come home to them any more. doesn't Bob love me any more? that's the terrible thing...they need me more than i need me. far, far more. i'm so tired of me you wouldn't even believe it. i'm sick of my face, my voice, the memories in my brain, the sound of my playing, the stupid fucking hats, the ugly fucking clothes i wear. i wish i could wipe the entire fucking slate clean and start over again. but i can't and that's the tragedy of it.
Ugh. I feel for ya, buddy. I feel the same way.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, God said, "Let there be Lips!" And there were, and they were good, and the lips said...
honestly, the worst mistake i ever made in my life was learning to careabout other people. back when i was a nasty little self-centered teenaged sociopath i was moving forward, boy. i had all the bands and friends and drugs i wanted. people fucking WORSHIPPED me. as soon as i started trying to be good, i started taking it in the nuts.
In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni
FIFTY YEARS OF SCARING THE CHILDREN 1970-2020--and i'm not done yet