The Confessions Thread

[dubkitty]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BakwE9cjSc[/youtube]

[snipelfritz]

not to mention that there's an even chance that the person making the $100 offer was a cop; out here they use undercovers to do "underage" liquor buys from stores and bars ("tonight, on 'Bait Booze'...") so they can pull the offenders' liquor licenses.

I was thinking this, but one of them was drunk. Very clearly drunk. I know they do this kind of thing often for selling cigarettes to minors too.

As for the toilet brush, it has never been used on a toilet, or so I've been told...

I am not looking forward to driving 30+ minutes through construction to work at a different store which will have ten million more drunk people going through it because it's St. Patrick's Day even if it is time and a half.

[unownunown]

if it's never been used on a toilet, then that's a good idea. toilet brushes are just the right size and shape to clean coffee pots efficiently.

[snipelfritz]

Yes, 'tis. Especially when they're big, deep ones but have just as small of an opening as the normal household ones.

[dubkitty]

I don't think i want to know how they decided these dimensions should be roughly equivalent.

[snipelfritz]

Brown, brown, toilet town. All the same when it goes down.

Reminds me of a rap song a friend and I wrote, it went a little like this:

Brown v. Board of Education

Let us tell ya, a story,
A guy named Brown,
Bout the baddest motherfucker,
On the bad side of town,

Don’t know from where he came,
Only remember his name,
He was a modern motherfucker,
Reinvented the game.

Now one night when he was drunk,
His only time of sedation,
Came a pack of hungry drifters
With a violent vocation
And after that night
He would swear his vindication
Now it was Brown against the Kansas City,
Board of education


Meet Joe Brown,
He’s a normal guy
Except that he can toss a tractor
Knows more shit than Bill Nye
He’s the smart seductive super savior,
God’s second son,
They say that he’s the second coming,
But he only needs one.

He would have burned the state department
But instead made them wait,
He took the time and picked them off
Once every year on that date
Sober as a judge
Who’s fuckin pissed at the time
Put a car bomb on a mansion
Can turn blood into wine.
Pump your head full of yeast
Make you sit till it rises
Stalk you all day and night
With the strangest disguises


Shot the breaks off of a car
Headed straight for a cliff
Killed a man with just a Q tip
Used a broom as a shiv.
Kept a bomb in a bible
And a gun inside that.
Fed a grown man to his spaniel
And that dog to his cat.
(Triple Digested Mother****er!)

He’ll beat you with a bovine
Attack you with a ewe
He’ll start a fucking stampede
Run you over with a zoo.
He’ll find a guy with peanut allergies
And force-feed him Reece’s
Steal your limbs while you’re sleeping
Shadow-puppet the pieces
He’ll toss a toaster in your bathtub
And a knife in your eye.
He’ll tell you awful jokes
And pull your leg till you die.


Meet Joe Brown
He’s a simple guy
Who writes the law of the land
As he holds up the sky


Drowned a man in the dunk tank
At his family reunion.
Gave a woman rat poison
Passed it off as communion
He’ll assault you in your garden
Put a hose up your ass
Make your head into a Chia Pet
And piss on your grass
He will drop you like your mother did
Or slice you like an apple
Maybe waste you like your water
Or just pop you like a Snapple

Strangled people in the backseat
With a cashmere scarf
Put your body in the blender
And your head on the hearth
He drinks concrete in his coffee
Likes his acid in rain
Little piggy to black market
Make you donate your brain
He’ll cremate your canary
Kill your kitten for free.
Boil it all into a mixture
Put it in your IV.

Set fire to your gardener
Impregnate your maids
Take you out for lobster dinner
But that night, give you AIDS
He’ll bankrupt your business
Give you rabies for fun
Put your daughter in a porno
Break your legs with a nun

He will beat you like you’re Frogger
Slap you down like a pimp
He’ll make Steven Hawking next to you
Seem more like a gimp.
He’ll watch you while you die
Tie you up in his den
Make you watch his old home movies
Pierce your lip with a pen
At your birthday celebration
Put grenades in the cake
Tell your children it’s their fault
Then bang your mom at the wake

Meet Joe Brown
He’s an average man
Likes to freebase clam chowder
Drives a flippin crazy van
Watch him eat tin foil,
And he’ll shit out a can,
Then he’ll snort a flaming candle,
While he coughs up a crayon.

Now Joe’s a super savior
He’s your super salvation
He’ll save all except the Kansas City
Board of Education.
He was the only honors student
At his deification.
And now those dirty district douches
Face their annihilation.
And you say even guilty get a trial
And representation.
But Joe was jury, judge, and justice
And their incarceration
He’s like a modern army tank
In ancient civilizations
He’s the speaker of the house
At their United Damnations
He’s the very worst part of waking up
Like the fratricidal bro you never knew
He could kick you in your package
Go postal on your face, you should ask,
What can Brown do to you?


(Spoken: Joe Brown could beat up your dad. In fact, Joe Brown could beat up all the dads, even if they all attacked at once.)

I forgot it was that long. We never recorded it though.

[theavondon]

I love you.

[bob the r0bot]

gettin' my MLP FIM on

[Seedy]

Bravo snipelz, bravo.

[CaptainWampum]

Sweet beautiful mother of god snipelfritz...

[snipelfritz]

Like I said, I only wrote about 50% of that, but I can't remember exactly what parts I contributed. I'm glad I remembered it. I hadn't thought about it in years and it was pretty much new to me again. I honestly thought it was a couple lines when it first crossed my mind. I'm kind of glad we never recorded it, I'm far too white to rap.

[sonidero]

I love when all my pedals are on and I get that really hot 60's tube amp smell going on... Chub city to the tubey fuzz max...

[unownunown]

NECROBUMPPPPP

i reaaaaaaaaaaalllly don't like asymmetric meters.

and i somewhat dislike mathy/overly technical music in general. i feel like it's so often nerdy, not even in the good way. awkward time signatures don't necessarily make music more interesting. i feel like people sometimes cover up their inability to write a good song by attempting to blow people away with complexity. but that's just my opinion. and to some people that obnoxious technicality might define good music, so what do i know?

[Achtane]

+1 on the super technical music. I can appreciate it but it's not my thing. Sometimes I feel that math rock is just the more aggressive equivalent of wanky jazz.

I think $300 is the absolute maximum I would ever pay for a pedal, and that's really pushing it. More like $220 or something is "realistic maximum" unless I HAD to have it.
Maybe when I get a real job this outlook will change, but right now to me stuff like Frantone is cool but overpriced, and Pete Cornish pedals are WUT. $742.21 for an a/b/c/ box? You're fucking with me, right? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, RIGHT? YOU CAN'T REALLY BE SELLING IT FOR THAT MUCH, RIGHT?!

No pedal is worth $800.
YEAH I SAID IT

[theactionindex]

No pedal is worth $800.
YEAH I SAID IT

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KLON TOANZ. 'SPENSIVE STUFF SOUNDS BETTER DUHHHHH.