The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

[snipelfritz]

One would think you're tired of having people cough at/on you rather than the resultant moving.

See, I'm too nerdy to be counter cultural. I'm nerdy for composition at best, neurotic at worst.

If you combined Woody Allen with your 8th grade English teacher, you'd have me.

[SPACERITUAL]

Sometimes i get really lonely. Not so much for a girlfriend or a significant other but just for someone to be around that doesnt think im someone im not. I get really claustrophobic with people and go all paranoid and cut all my ties. Its getting old and im not happy with my behavior but its been a long time since i had a friend that didnt make me feel like such a liar.

[warwick.hoy]

SOWAITYOU'RENOTAHOTHEADEDALLCAPSNOSPACECRAZYPERSONWHOENTERTAINSMEGREATLY?

[SPACERITUAL]

SOWAITYOU'RENOTAHOTHEADEDALLCAPSNOSPACECRAZYPERSONWHOENTERTAINSMEGREATLY?

No I am. Im just kindof tired of interacting with the world through a pitri dish. Its like im everyones personal case study. Everyone i could ever think of spending any time with already knows me, and if they dont, they know the think tank and the sewing circle and the legion of exes and the roommates and the friends. I leave trails of refuse that cris-cross the country and back again. Everyone has done the investigation and everyone has gotten the results they wanted. Its like saying a spider bite can kill you...so a spiders purpose must be to kill humans. I dont even know if thats the right analogy....or if it even makes sense. I dont know how to, with any subtlety, relate the experience of having a woman pursue me, sleep with me, then leave so they can scurry back to their friends and tell them how right they were that "all he wants to do is fuck you". I also cant really relate how bizarre it is that it happens frequently. Do i just want to fuck? How do i even begin to answer that...ive gone years and years without having a sexual liason or even a meal with a member of the opposite sex that was interested in who i am legitimately. Honestly i can tell you i dont really know what it feels like to have a meaningful sexual encounter....and that the phenomenon extends to my casual life is even more jarring. My friends are horrible people that dont give the first shit about me. The only division is that i actually pick some of them for that very reason so at least i can choose nights where i want to be patronized and nights that id rather be ignored.

[warwick.hoy]

I'm not sure what to say that's not going to come off as a tired cliche. I will tell you this,...if you aren't comfortable with who you are and who you associate with you are in complete control over that.

[snipelfritz]

I've never had sex sober, much less meaningfully, if that makes you feel better about anything.

Yeah, it's easy to forget that people only know you based on a few brief instances, and anything after that isn't nearly as important as those first, incidentally memorable encounters. At least I have that problem.

[madmax1012]

Sometimes i get really lonely. Not so much for a girlfriend or a significant other but just for someone to be around that doesnt think im someone im not. I get really claustrophobic with people and go all paranoid and cut all my ties. Its getting old and im not happy with my behavior but its been a long time since i had a friend that didnt make me feel like such a liar.

i kinda know what you mean. i hate my friends in florida ever since i moved. i rarely go out anymore, and just kinda stick to drinking and working and school. and sometimes i just feel really strange, like i have a hard time believing that life is real. i've heard it's called depersonalization i think?

[DarkAxel]

as warwick.hoy already said - you are in controle of who you are. Maybe you could just take a deep breath and start to behave how do you really want - yeah, you could lose some friends, but then they weren't your friends, they were friends of your mask. And you can also find some genuine friends who'll accept you far who you really are

i love the good old crazy SPACERITUAL but if you need to change to be happy - do it if it affects you internet alterego, i think that the people here are not dumb enough to not try to accept the new you

[warwick.hoy]

I wonder how much of the IRL JG shows up in SR,...but I only known him for a short while on ILF. I'm guessing we inhabited different corners of cyberlandia prior to my discovery of ILF.

I don't really think SR is uncomfortable with who is IRL; rather who he associates with. Fake people are everywhere,...I personally jettison all fake people out of my life. Means that I'm a loner for the most part but I have a core circle of friends (bandmates and my wife) who are non-judgmental and who don't tip toe around me. They confront me when I'm out of line and this in turn makes me a stronger person. But you have to be comfortable with confrontation and you can't be constantly on the defensive. This requires and open mind and the ability to see things from other peoples perspective. I can be hot headed at times,...but the people around me know to give me a little space before I become rational again. That said I'm pretty affable to most though and only really turn into an asshole behind the wheel.

TBH,...I don't think he is going to find a meaningful relationshit in South Carolina. Towns too small and once you establish your street cred it tends to follow. I'd suggest moving but if you don't know how to be happy with yourself or know how to make connections with real people (not the fake ones) then it doesn't really matter where you live.

As far as being perused,...I can somewhat relate but that's just cause I garnered a reputation for being well endowed and word didn't travel too far before I was permanently off the market.

[SPACERITUAL]

I wonder how much of the IRL JG shows up in SR,...but I only known him for a short while on ILF. I'm guessing we inhabited different corners of cyberlandia prior to my discovery of ILF.

I don't really think SR is uncomfortable with who is IRL; rather who he associates with. Fake people are everywhere,...I personally jettison all fake people out of my life. Means that I'm a loner for the most part but I have a core circle of friends (bandmates and my wife) who are non-judgmental and who don't tip toe around me. They confront me when I'm out of line and this in turn makes me a stronger person. But you have to be comfortable with confrontation and you can't be constantly on the defensive. This requires and open mind and the ability to see things from other peoples perspective. I can be hot headed at times,...but the people around me know to give me a little space before I become rational again. That said I'm pretty affable to most though and only really turn into an asshole behind the wheel.

TBH,...I don't think he is going to find a meaningful relationshit in South Carolina. Towns too small and once you establish your street cred it tends to follow. I'd suggest moving but if you don't know how to be happy with yourself or know how to make connections with real people (not the fake ones) then it doesn't really matter where you live.

As far as being perused,...I can somewhat relate but that's just cause I garnered a reputation for being well endowed and word didn't travel too far before I was permanently off the market.

IRL im pretty much the same. Last night before i posted that shit i was running around walmart pissing on the walls of the bathroom and screaming "HONDA CIVIC OG TRIPLE OG DOIN BIG THANGS" at braindead mulletheads. Im happy with who I am and im not looking to change anything really but the people that orbit me can really fuck my head up some times. People dont really like me for me but its not like i can do anything about it. Its like how WH has a big dick and im sure women all want to check it out and can you really say no to sex when you want it? Its like that in every aspect of my life. I hate my friends but i need to be around people. I loathe the girls i fuck but i need the sex. in the end you feel like the biggest whore.

[warwick.hoy]

Yeah unfortunately my cock rep has gone to my head and given me a high confidence level with the ladies. I'm just really comfortable with my sexuality and women pick up on that and all sudden I desirable. Maybe I'm just a scratch that can't be itched and women find that desirable (you want what you can't have),.... I could've cheated on my wife multiple times in the past 5 years that we've been together,...but I have so much respect for her that I won't. She's never done anything to deserve that and I'm such a horrible liar/deceiver that I'd rather not put myself in that situation.

Anyway,...SR,...I wish you best of luck man. Honestly IRL your hot-headedness would likely keep me from befriending you (I prefer mellow people who don't piss on the walls of walmart although in a former drunken un-centered life I wouldn't have cared),...but on ILF,...you make me laugh and It's nice to see a tender side and know that you are a real person.

[Cody_Pole]

I've realized that the older I get the less tolerant I am of people who are beligerent cuz most of the time
it makes it uncomfortable for everybody around, when I was younger I also tolerated it but now
I think its as equally ignorant to treat people you don't like and are ignorant in that kind of manner why
waist energy that could be used elsewhere on someone who's never going to "get it".

[SPACERITUAL]

I always lol at people who tend to play loud noisy angry music that are just these really timid people in real life. I mean i guess i understand it but i dunno ive just never been like that. Im not screaming and shitting and pissing on stuff every second of the day but it happens and i honestly dont understand the people who get really mad about it. I guess thats why i liked american hardcore so much. So many times like i said ive gone up and talked to some of my favorite musicians and just come away really bummed out that they were such pussies IRL. When watain first came to the USA i went to the show and saw them all sitting at this table at a cafe next to the venue and i went up and talked to them and i was just like "alright so we have a handle of whiskey and some coke and theres an abortion clinic a couple blocks over with christians outside picketing it LETS MAKE THIS HAPPEN" and you know what those pussies said man? "were waiting on our espressos" I was awestruck. I mean these are the same guys that said they were trying to pay junkies for their dogs so they could kill them and have their blood and guts for their live show. But man when i saw american hardcore and jack grisham was all YEAH WE WERE AT THIS PARTY MAN SO WE FUCKED THE HOUSE UP AND STOLE THE CREDIT CARDS AND A CHICK PASSED OUT SO I PISSED IN HER FACE. I was <33333

[warwick.hoy]

Well,...I always thought of my angry noisy band as being intentionally obnoxious and abusive to our audiences ears,...but we never had the Leftover Crack gutter punk anarchist fuck shit up mentality. We are just a trio of nerdy spazzes making spazzed out music. We just like to booze it up and smoke pot and get spacey and psychedelic for the hippies then ratchet up the intensity just to throw a curve ball at them and abuse our gear.

But you are right. As much as I enjoy the music I never fit in with the hardcore or punk scene and I'm sure most of it is just an act to capitalize on an aesthetic.

I've mellowed out a lot over the years, mainly because I've been in trouble and seek to stay out of trouble; better my own lot in life. Of course there is always the Tyler Durden voice in the back of my head. Self improvement is masturbation,....now self destruction,....

[testertube]

IRL im pretty much the same.

I call bullshit til I see proof. write SPACERITUAL in your own poop on the side of a walmart & take a pic.

and then. I will believe.