Talking About Gear Purchases With the Significant Other

[Jwar]

Since I have zero desire at anonymity because I am a real person I will use real names. hah

Megan- so I saw that the informed delivery had some boxes coming.

Me (Adam)- oh yea? Huh. Crazy.

Megan- I thought you were going to slow down on buying things or sell things instead.

Me- I know. I'm sorry. I'm trying and it's really hard.

Megan- Ok. I love you. Keep trying. What does it do?




That's about how that goes right now due to the fragility of my state (which is improving).


Here's a usual non mental breakdown period however.

Megan- So you bought something else? I thought you were going to pay your Paypal Credit off? Isn't this working you backwards.

Me- Yes I did...enter extreme feelings of guilt and remorse. I'm sorry. I fucked up again.

Megan- If you want to buy something, we have to talk about it first. You can't just buy things and not tell me.

Me- I'm sorry. I'll try to do better.

Megan- I'm mad, but I love you and I forgive you. What does it do?



That's how it goes usually for me. Communication is key in all relationships. I'm just one of those people who is scared to admit their faults and when I do something wrong like that, even though I know I'm going to get caught or have a stern talking to, I do it out of compulsion or for a dopamine response usually. HOWEVER over the last several months the only gear purchases I made were with good intentions or things I thought may be critical in my song writing process.

For instance I've been looking for a good chorus to match a song I've written. I got a couple to try and I'm not satisfied. Doug from Mid-Fi is putting out a Leslie sim and I fucking want it. Sooo maybe I ought to sell something first.

Anyway, my wife is awesome and I love her. She's is gracious, she is kind.

[D.o.S.]

Her: "I see there's a package from Sweetwater."
Me: "Since we're getting divorced, you don't have to worry about it."
Her: "Fair enough."

Admittedly, this only took place in my head, but still, it was nice to contemplate.

To clarify, we are in fact getting divorced, and financial issues are part of it, but this particular conversation is still, for the time being, internal.

I am astonished and deeply envious of those of you who have SOs that at least feign an interest.

I definitely think a key to happiness (at least for me/us) is that because we keep our fun money largely separate, aside from alternating holidays/festivals/gig tickets, it's really none of the other person's concern, so it doesn't impact the other person at all.

[Errant Tiger]

I definitely think a key to happiness (at least for me/us) is that because we keep our fun money largely separate, aside from alternating holidays/festivals/gig tickets, it's really none of the other person's concern, so it doesn't impact the other person at all.

Yeah, that was definitely something we should have done a lot sooner. And to be fair, I did spend quite a bit more than I ought to have on gear. Oh well, live and learn.

[manymanyhaha]

Well, at its most fundamental basic level, no matter what it means to someone personally, marriage is a property arrangement. That's one of the reasons why I've never remarried. Independence suits me well but different people are different people.

Divorce is one of the shittiest things a person can go through, I can empathize. What was that movie last year about divorce? Unfortunately I found it to be kind of accurate

[lordgalvar]

Her: "Can't you just buy the pretty sounding ones?"
Me: *beholds oscillating fuzz* "this sounds pretty"

Basically, modulation, delays and reverb are OK, fuzz all sounds the same and she doesn't approve of those. She mainly listens to EDM.

Have youu ever dropped your bass when she's around?

Last night:
My wife's like, "get rid of stuff. Except the Mosrite. Because Bakersfield."

Then I go to sell something and she's like, "no, that's cool."

Later:
Then she says, " what are you thinking about?"
"Putting two ring mods in parallel with like a phaser on one and see if I can make a frequency shifter"
"I don't care. You know no one cares about that right?"
"I do, and you asked. I was also thinking of slightly attenuating and offsetting a PLL to change the harmonics or my guitar."
"work on the mustang."
"It's almost 10pm"
"Oh, yea. Do the dishes."
"Ok. Oh dang, the hinge is broke on the dishwasher"
"Do we need a new one?
"Nah, I'll fix it."
"I've gotta go talk about covid to these people and tell them it will be all right"
"Ok. Tell them I built a cabinet for them. I'm going to look at this phase shifter. I don't know if I can just get the phased signal. MF-103 and two mf-102 frequency shifting. Oh, before you go, I was reading about the 5 Percent Nation. Did you know Busta is a member? And Wu-Tang? Pretty neat stuff."
"I have to go"
"You want me to sell the Sunn?"
"No"

[MrNovember]

Then she says, " what are you thinking about?"
"Putting two ring mods in parallel with like a phaser on one and see if I can make a frequency shifter"
"I don't care. You know no one cares about that right?"
"I do, and you asked. I was also thinking of slightly attenuating and offsetting a PLL to change the harmonics or my guitar."
"work on the mustang."
"It's almost 10pm"
"Oh, yea. Do the dishes."
"Ok. Oh dang, the hinge is broke on the dishwasher"
"Do we need a new one?
"Nah, I'll fix it."
"I've gotta go talk about covid to these people and tell them it will be all right"
"Ok. Tell them I built a cabinet for them. I'm going to look at this phase shifter. I don't know if I can just get the phased signal. MF-103 and two mf-102 frequency shifting. Oh, before you go, I was reading about the 5 Percent Nation. Did you know Busta is a member? And Wu-Tang? Pretty neat stuff."
"I have to go"
"You want me to sell the Sunn?"
"No"

The "what are you thinking about?" question used to drive me nuts, but I've been working on communication/being more open, and it has lead to very similar conversations.

"What are you thinking about?"
"Selling my Data Corruptor and buying a Randy's Revenge. I don't really use the Data Corruptor and I miss having a ring mod. But then I'll have to figure out where to put a ring mod in my pedal chain again, and I don't think I ever figured that out."
"Oh, what's a ring mod?"
"It basically makes my guitar sound like bells or robots"
"Hmm, ok"
"Also, I kind of want to make a dedicated small board with a couple key pedals that I use frequently so that I don't have to lug a huge pedalboard around when I jam or play shows since I wouldn't use half the pedals in a band context."
"You're not even in a band"
"Good point, want a beer?"

Also, I get "what are you watching on YouTube a lot?". I used to answer, "I don't know, random videos", now I answer, "a bunch of videos trying to learn how to program one of my synths to play weird microtonal notes" or "some guy demoing a pedal that I was interested in, but kind of sounds like trash in this demo" or "a video where these two guys absolutely abuse the character creation system in XYZ video game to make the most hilarious monsters"

[DOSS BS-1]

Hold up. I thought that "Judgenabling" was like, the entire purpose of BILF???

[retinal orbita]

[borat voice] My wife and I have completely separate finances. I pay the bills and mortgage and at the end of the month she drops me what she owes me for half our expenses. I spend my “fun money” on whatever I want and she does the same and I don’t judge when she gets 4 boxes from Sephora in a week and she doesn’t judge when I buy some dumb effect, we are living at $0 in bad debt (mortgage is “good debt”) and saving money every month so as long as we roll with that ratio we are all good. Overall we are very frugal so if I buy a something it’s not a big deal because we live very minimally otherwise. Our car is 18 years old, we don’t have cable, we don’t order food very often and I brown bag my lunch every day (she works from home so she just makes her lunch). My only extravagance is buying records (even then I’m always culling and selling) and shitty cheap distortion pedals.

She has zero interest in what I buy, I don’t think she understands why I have twelve death metal pedals but as long as I’m happy she’s happy.

Basically all she asks if that I’m going to make a craigslist purchase I text her right after so she doesn’t worry I’m being dismembered and.... eaten in some weirdos basement. But that’s it. We don’t ask each other for permission for something.

[MechaGodzilla]

i don't tell her when i'm buying gear and she doesn't tell me when she's conspiring to get a new tattoo

[fcknoise]

Also, I get "what are you watching on YouTube a lot?". I used to answer, "I don't know, random videos", now I answer, "a bunch of videos trying to learn how to program one of my synths to play weird microtonal notes" or "some guy demoing a pedal that I was interested in, but kind of sounds like trash in this demo" or "a video where these two guys absolutely abuse the character creation system in XYZ video game to make the most hilarious monsters"

this sort of thing is something I also learned. Before I didn't really like to disclose things like "I spent 4h trying to find the difference between cabs built out of 15mm and 18mm plywood", but when I actually do it usually is better. Thinking about it myself, if she would invite me to listen to her talk about whatever I would 99% of cases be interested, I don't know why I've sometimes assumed it would be different for other people.

Also does anyone really know the difference between 15 and 18mm plywood for 4x12s?

[frodog]

Cat: *sniffing the box that just came in the mail with mild curiosity*
Me: pspspspspspspsps whatcha smelling?
Cat: man who gives a fuck where's the food at?!
Me: *puts new gear aside for later and feeds cat*

[coldbrightsunlight]

Hold up. I thought that "Judgenabling" was like, the entire purpose of BILF???

I want you to buy stuff and I want you to feel bad about it.

^^^^^^

[Dowi]

I have basically no disussion with my s/o when it comes to gear because we have separated bank account and because usually i buy stuff only if i sell something before (except on my birthday or christmas, when i make present for myself or i oblige her to make me gear-presents )
Lsst discussion was some weeks ago:
me "hey, i sold some stuff so bought a synth"
her "but, you play guitar..why a synth?"
me "because i want to play even with you girls are sleeping, and i can't do it with guitar, plus i can make our daghter have fun with it"
her "ok, do you remember that next month we're moving?"
me "......yeah"

[01010111]

My wife is so patient. She listens to me talk about whatever rando gear I’m lusting after, and usually helps me decide whether I actually need it or if I’m just shopping because I’m bored. Usually I’m just bored

It’s interesting hearing all you folks who have separate finances. For simplicity, we joined our finances together relatively early on. So, each month we have our separate fun money budgets (the same amount for both of us). If we want to spend more than one month’s worth we can save up.

[MrNovember]

My wife is so patient. She listens to me talk about whatever rando gear I’m lusting after, and usually helps me decide whether I actually need it or if I’m just shopping because I’m bored. Usually I’m just bored

It’s interesting hearing all you folks who have separate finances. For simplicity, we joined our finances together relatively early on. So, each month we have our separate fun money budgets (the same amount for both of us). If we want to spend more than one month’s worth we can save up.

That's exactly what we do and I find it way less stressful than having separate finances. It's much easier to plan for the future when we can see all our savings in the same place.