Captain Beefhearts Instructions for Guitar Players
Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:16 am
1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS…That's where all the music comes from. Birds
know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should
come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of
times they aren't going anywhere.
2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR…Your guitar is a divining rod.
Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A
guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.
3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH…Wait until the moon is out, then go
outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If
the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.
4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL…Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers
as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal
opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the
other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments
attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin
attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.
5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT…If your brain is part of
the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man,
struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have
something that is fur bearing.
6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE…Your instrument has more power
than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But
make sure you are not standing in an open field.
7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY…You must carry your key and use it
when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String
Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a
homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie.
Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar
player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you
want to look up her dress to see how he's doing it.
8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT…You need that stink on
there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.
9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE…When you're not playing your
guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your
guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with
it.
10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE…Wear a hat when you play and
keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on
your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a
wet paper towel around it to make it grow.
...............i think i need to walk with the Devil or play my guitar to a bush....i haven't done that in a long time.
.. the bush seems to like it.
elwd
know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should
come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of
times they aren't going anywhere.
2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR…Your guitar is a divining rod.
Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A
guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.
3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH…Wait until the moon is out, then go
outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If
the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.
4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL…Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers
as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal
opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the
other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments
attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin
attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.
5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT…If your brain is part of
the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man,
struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have
something that is fur bearing.
6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE…Your instrument has more power
than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But
make sure you are not standing in an open field.
7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY…You must carry your key and use it
when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String
Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a
homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie.
Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar
player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you
want to look up her dress to see how he's doing it.
8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT…You need that stink on
there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.
9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE…When you're not playing your
guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your
guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with
it.
10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE…Wear a hat when you play and
keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on
your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a
wet paper towel around it to make it grow.
...............i think i need to walk with the Devil or play my guitar to a bush....i haven't done that in a long time.
.. the bush seems to like it.elwd
