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I don't know much about tuning drums myself but my drummer uses one of these: http://www.musiciansfriend.com/drums-percussion/drumdial-drum-tuner

Schlatte or Ancient Astronaught will probably be able to tell you what you need to know.

This guy is the best. Once you get it down once it's pretty easy to replicate over and over.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ9Unab1OzU[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga8Q12mKYxI[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qxm3QunDjUs[/youtube]

Tuning drum is a science and a form of art at the same time. You really have to know what kind of sound you want to get the "right" sound out of it. I don't like drum tuners because you're all like "It has to be exactly in tune OMGZZORRS!!" when using one. The techniques he shows in the videos are right and good. You don't really need to put anything in the bassdrum if you don't want to. I don't like the sound of the "dead" bassdrum, so I don't have anything in it (reaaallly boomy ).

hmmmmm this is almost impossible to explain with words unfortunately.

Luckily those videos are a really good place to start! Do you have a way to post a pic of the bottom of your snare? The trick i found to lining up the snare correctly is this: lossen up the butt plate (hehehe) and the strainer, pull the snare to edge of the butt plate side of the drum so its taught and the edge of the snare is just about lined up with the edge of the drum and tighten up the butt plate. Now go over to the strainer and loosen the tension screw all the way and throw the lever off, then pull on the string or strap holding your snare until its as taught as you can get it and then tighten it down. Then leave the throw off and tighten the tension screw until its fairly taught and the snare barely buzzes, then engage the throw. That should get you in the ball park. Since 80% of the tension comes from the strainer its best to have it as close to the butt plate as feasible since it will be pull towards the strainer no matter what you do.

As far as tuning do not crank the bottom head as tight as it will go, you will brake it. Usually this happens due to the snare pushing on it and being metal so it will pop a hole in a really taught drum head. Step one is to set it on something so the batter head does not ring. Then Tighten it lug by lug in a circular pattern till you see all the wrinkles disappear. Then you start tightening them a quarter turn at a time going in a star pattern (if you number the lugs in a clockwise pattern you would go 12, 6, 1, 7, 2, 8, etc) once you do this three or four times you should be at a decent tension range and then you can fine tune by tuning in a similar pattern hitting the drum about an inch in front of each lug until they sound to be the same relative pitch. If done right you should be able to hit the drum going in a circulay pattern about an inch from the edge and not hear to much of a difference in each hit. You then repeat the tuning process on the batter head, except this time don't muffle the resonant head as you want to hear the interaction of the two heads. as you tune up the batter head you will reach a point where they will resonate together but not at the same pitch (kinda like a power chord), now depending on the desired tone you might actually need to tune the batter head tighter than the resonant head (if you a really tight pop but with some body) or sometimes its quite a bit looser than the resonant head (like an r&b backbeat snare, beefy with a good thud to it). I personally tune the batter head a little bit above the resonant head as i like have a taught head so that rebound is quicker and ghost notes are picked up easier.

Hope this helped!