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I've been pretty paranoid lately

also there is trouble with my moving

and i feel like a boring, dull person

yay

so the ethernet controller seems to pop out from time to time, I just installed a new driver, but it didn't fix the sound. :/

DarkAxel wrote:I've been pretty paranoid lately

also there is trouble with my moving

and i feel like a boring, dull person

yay

ha, good thing i got new gear today

Kate was supposed to come down for the day, and I spent two days being excited over it, and preparing shit. I got the movies we were going to watch, I started picking up my room a bit, I spent two days just looking forward to it.

She couldn't sleep last night, and now she's sick. Fibromyalgia started acting up, and she's just miserable.

So she's not coming down.

And to top it off, I feel like a selfish asshole for being so upset over not spending the day with her, because she's sick.
I don't even want to talk to her, because I'm so bothered by this, and she's at home too dizzy to move, and afraid shes going to throw up.

I'm a fucking douchebag.

IEatCats wrote:Kate was supposed to come down for the day, and I spent two days being excited over it, and preparing shit. I got the movies we were going to watch, I started picking up my room a bit, I spent two days just looking forward to it.

She couldn't sleep last night, and now she's sick. Fibromyalgia started acting up, and she's just miserable.

So she's not coming down.

And to top it off, I feel like a selfish asshole for being so upset over not spending the day with her, because she's sick.
I don't even want to talk to her, because I'm so bothered by this, and she's at home too dizzy to move, and afraid shes going to throw up.

I'm a fucking douchebag.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Everyone's entitled to have feelings that are not morally sound, just don't act on them. At least not inter-act with her. Just come here, puke it over this thread and then hide them from the rest of the world.

I think things and feel stuff that, would it ever come public or would I act on it, make me go to the absolute bottom of the reincarnation wheel or to jail. Probably both.

I'd just apologize sincerely and try not to repeat anything similar ever again.
You can't go to her to watch her while she's sick? That would be a great romantic apology.

Gah, gotta work with my boss today. Fortunately she's been in an ok mood (for her) today. And I've got just four and a half more painful hours left.

alexa. wrote:I'd just apologize sincerely and try not to repeat anything similar ever again.
You can't go to her to watch her while she's sick? That would be a great romantic apology.

I actually called, apologized, and offered to do just that, but she tends to just want to be alone when she's sick. We talked on the phone for a while, and she'll call me back after she gets some sleep. We rescheduled for Sunday, so, there's that.

phantasmagorovich wrote:Don't beat yourself up over it. Everyone's entitled to have feelings that are not morally sound, just don't act on them. At least not inter-act with her. Just come here, puke it over this thread and then hide them from the rest of the world.

I think things and feel stuff that, would it ever come public or would I act on it, make me go to the absolute bottom of the reincarnation wheel or to jail. Probably both.

Yeah, I try to just vent here. I need to just get better at excusing myself from a situation so I can have time enough to just process my feelings so I don't act like a douche right away.

YO. STILL FEELIN' MIGHTY TERRIBLE.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO EAT MUCH FOR A COUPLE DAYS. THAT SHIT IS BOTHERING ME, BUT MY STOMACH IS FUCKIN' BOTHERED BECAUSE OF ALL THE STRESS.

ALSO, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STUDY? I NEVER FUCKIN' LEARNED THAT SHIT, AND NOW I NEED TO KNOW.

NO, SERIOUSLY, FUCKIN' HELP ME HERE. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LEARN SHIT ANYMORE.

TRIPLE POST.

http://www.cse.buffalo.edu/~rapaport/howtostudy.html
That really helped, actually. I also wrote down what was bothering me and some potential solutions, before I came to vent here, which helped, too.

But, if anyone has more study methods/suggestions, please share them D:

I have absolutely no luck setting up localhost servers. I follow instructions meticulously step by step, and it won't work.

Depression and I are not getting along, so I'm probably not going to enroll this coming semester, which means I'll no longer be a full time student and will have to start paying off my student loans. Except I don't have a college degree, so it will be hard to get anything other than a minimum wage job, and I really don't want to move back in with my parents for the second time. I also don't really see myself ever not being depressed - I've tried several meds and nothing has helped, and I can't really bring myself to talk to people about stuff despite knowing that I need to - and I still can't get over the feeling that depression isn't a legitimate disease and that everything is just me being a terrible person, which just adds to the feeling bad about everything and being horribly disappointed in myself kinda stuff.

the_carl wrote:Depression and I are not getting along, so I'm probably not going to enroll this coming semester, which means I'll no longer be a full time student and will have to start paying off my student loans. Except I don't have a college degree, so it will be hard to get anything other than a minimum wage job, and I really don't want to move back in with my parents for the second time.

Apply for a deferment. If your loan company is anything like mine, they won't double check for sure on your actual status.

I also don't really see myself ever not being depressed - I've tried several meds and nothing has helped, and I can't really bring myself to talk to people about stuff despite knowing that I need to - and I still can't get over the feeling that depression isn't a legitimate disease and that everything is just me being a terrible person, which just adds to the feeling bad about everything and being horribly disappointed in myself kinda stuff.

Meds don't work for everyone. Sometimes, it's a matter of finding a way to keep yourself from falling into the thinking patterns that make you feel depressed.
For the feelings of unimportance, trust me. That's what depression is. You deserve just as much as anyone else to feel great about who you are. And based on just the few interactions I've had with you, I can firmly say that you're a great guy. Now you just have to make sure that you know that.

Getting help is tough. But it's worth it.

the_carl wrote:Depression and I are not getting along, so I'm probably not going to enroll this coming semester, which means I'll no longer be a full time student and will have to start paying off my student loans. Except I don't have a college degree, so it will be hard to get anything other than a minimum wage job, and I really don't want to move back in with my parents for the second time. I also don't really see myself ever not being depressed - I've tried several meds and nothing has helped, and I can't really bring myself to talk to people about stuff despite knowing that I need to - and I still can't get over the feeling that depression isn't a legitimate disease and that everything is just me being a terrible person, which just adds to the feeling bad about everything and being horribly disappointed in myself kinda stuff.

I dont wanna get out of bed

I feel like I might be getting sick. It's no fun.