KaosCill8r wrote:alexa. wrote:Disarm D'arcy wrote:alexa. wrote:I am such a pussy when it comes to girls.
Don't beat yourself over it. I now understand that the people who I've been in a relationship with (one that was pleasing that is) liked me
because I was awkward.
Yeye, but guess you missed the point of my post.
I'm happy to have my issues in the limelight cuz now I can deal with them. I feel like I'm growing out of the whole experience. Even if she doesn't like me, I've got a valuable lesson for life.
Here's some insight in to it dudes. Don't overthink it when it comes to girls. Just move in and try your luck. Don't be afraid of rejection and don't worry too much about embarrassment. It doesn't hurt it it doesn't last long either. Treat it like a door to door salesman. What I mean by that is for every door that gets slammed in their face means that they are much closer to a sale.
I think about all the missed opportunities I could of had but I was shy and was afraid of rejection and embarrassment. So just go for it
generally speaking, sex is massively overrated as an actual physical experience and massively underrated as a motivation in human behaviour.
i totally sympathise with your predicament re the shyness. i went through exactly the same thing when i was younger. and it got in the way of really connecting with people. i suppose it's the hormones but it is fairly impossible to really connect when your brain is constantly looping all possible avenues of thought back to the same end. natural, but unhelpful sometimes.
i know this may sound funny but, if you find yourself really edgy and awkward and emotionally all over the place around those you want to impress, maybe try 'relieving the biological pressure' (read between the lines) prior to meeting up with anyone you are thinking about getting close to. that way your hormones will probably be off-duty for a few hours and you can actually talk like people are supposed to talk when they really want to get to know each other. i know it might seem extreme but it makes biological sense. and don't meet them drunk either. same thing. clear head, clear agenda.
also, don't forget to factor into your current feelings of frustration that, as depressing or frustrating as you may think it is never getting the girl to bed when you think you could have, it's equally (if not more) depressing when you pair up with someone you have no real connection with (other than you both had an itch you wanted to scratch at the same time) and then wake up to guilt, awkwardness, embarrassment, tears, avoiding phone calls, knocking on your door, bad feeling among friends (even losing friends), feeling you are letting someone down if you let them down, or feeling you are being let down if you are being let down, (before you even begin to consider the pregnancy thing), etc, etc, etc.
never underestimate how massively corrosive and numbing that kind of stuff can be to the soul too. not everyone who fucks spontaneously wakes up dancing about it in the morning. apart from in john hughes films.
so maybe a case of be careful what you wish for. and what you regret. the lawrence quote in my sig i always think is a wise and noble thing to aim for. have never been in a situaion in my life where i didn't think it applied.
in a way, the best thing you can hope for is to end up friends, no matter what. if that comes with sex, cool. if it doesn't, so what. really.
a friendship that lasts years is worth more than a hundred fucks followed by lame relationships that burn out within a few months. sometimes difficult to appreciate that when you feel you are eternally stuck in the friend zone, but it's true.
was going to be a bit more candid about my personal history here but decided against it. far too much information already. but here are a couple of nice quotes that fit in with what i've learned about relationships in my time.
and best of luck to you. alexa.
“a woman can become a man's friend only in the following stages; first an acquantaince, next a mistress, and only then a friend" - anton chekov (from 'the three sisters')
and from orson wells' superb 'citizen kane' (which everyone should watch at least once in their lives);
BERNSTEIN
Who's a busy man? Me? I'm Chairman of the Board. I got nothing
but time. What do you want to know?
THOMPSON
Well, Mr. Bernstein. We thought maybe, if we can find out what he
meant by his last words as he was dying.
BERNSTEIN
That Rosebud, huh? Maybe, some girl? There were a lot of them
back in the early days.
THOMPSON
It's hardly likely, Mr. Bernstein. Mr. Kane could have met some
girl casually and then fifty years later on his deathbed
remembered...
BERNSTEIN
Well, you are pretty young, Mr., Mr. Thompson. A fellow will
remember a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd remember.
You take me. One day, back in eighteen-ninety-six, I was crossing
over to Jersey on a ferry and as we pulled out there was another
ferry pulling in and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A
white dress she had on, she was carrying a white parasol. I only
saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all.
But I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjysEphoZX8[/youtube]
