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my depression was boredom
as soon as i kept busy life did a complete 360

fuck Thanksgiving and everything it represents. i loved my gf and her parents. last year we were all here together and the house was full of love. now i can't even speak to any of them or i'll be arrested. she's going to take the last of my kitties, and even if i win in court i may never see them again because she's just that vengeful. i really have to fight the will to die nowadays.

devnulljp wrote:

McSpunckle wrote:Depression could be something as simple as a vitamin deficiency-- or just boredom. Or maybe you should try exercising. There's lots of pretty simple things that can help a lot!

It also may be a chemical imbalance in the brain, low-level chronic inflammation, genetic fuckup with neuroreceptors and/or neurotransmitters.
There's lots of misunderstanding about this and 'just exercise' may not be what's needed (although it's a good idea anyway).
Proper management is what's needed though.

I know my mom has been on antidepressants for years, so it's possible there's a genetic component to it. It could very well be the simple things, though, which have been building up since college started. I've stopped exercising completely, and I used to be a three-season athlete in high school. I also have nothing resembling a normal sleep schedule as the result of staying up to do problem sets and projects, which ends up building on itself - stay up late, be tired the next day and not as efficient, stay up later the next day, be more tired, and so on. Plus, quite honestly, the food here is just terrible, and I end up not eating enough ever. I almost never eat breakfast, and half the time I sleep through lunch. It's a small enough place that food is only served at certain hours, so if you miss out, tough luck, you've got to take a trip 10-20 minutes off campus.

tuffteef wrote:my depression was boredom
as soon as i kept busy life did a complete 360

And when I think about it, yeah, I really am incredibly bored. My classes are boring as hell and take up a ton of time. There are too many abstract things with not enough concrete applications in what I'm studying. I can't deal with that kind of thing, I need to be dealing with things that are real and see why I need to know them while I'm learning them, you know? And I really don't have that many friends. My main form of social interaction is doing sets with people, which is just sad. Turns out I don't really enjoy the company of intellectuals/nerds all that much. I don't want to be talking about quantum mechanics unless it's for a problem set. And no, I'm not playing MMORPGs or RTSs with all of my free time. And no, I don't really enjoy musicals and I'm not into anime, either. Thus, few common interests or topics of conversation. Maybe I'm just not finding the right circles of people, but I'm also really introverted/have problems with social anxiety, so I'm kind of screwing myself over. The old paradox of being sad that I have no friends vs. being too shy to make any.

So basically most of this is my own fault and I just need to pull myself together and man the fuck up, but...

Of course ...

i used to be way shy and hide away at home cause i thought everyone in the world is so judgmental and id go out and run back home to hide it was a complete revolving door black spiral
but really as soon as i just grew some and went out into the world it was the best thing i did
you gotta chase things and not give up

btw people are judgmental but u gotta just keep going
they only do it cause there just as scared as you are


long story short
get out

devnulljp wrote:

McSpunckle wrote:Depression could be something as simple as a vitamin deficiency-- or just boredom. Or maybe you should try exercising. There's lots of pretty simple things that can help a lot!

It also may be a chemical imbalance in the brain, low-level chronic inflammation, genetic fuckup with neuroreceptors and/or neurotransmitters.
There's lots of misunderstanding about this and 'just exercise' may not be what's needed (although it's a good idea anyway).
Proper management is what's needed though.

It may be, yeah.

But it also may be the human body not working properly because it's fueled by Taco Bell television.

I know depression is a real issue, but I'm speaking from experience when I say lifestyle changes can make a huge difference if you're just generally bummed all the time. I think it's worth looking into that before trying medication, frankly.

one doesn't necessarily exclude the other. but speaking as an antidepressant user, non-medical techniques are certainly best to try first. it's just that for some folks they don't work, or don't work well enough to make life bearable. for me, not having to deal with my ex-gf's constant awfulness certainly made my depression less acute, but changing to a different medication since has also helped noticeably in terms of my ability to pull out of the kind of horrible grinding despair that used to consume me for weeks at a time. and back when i was a rather obsessive cyclist i was still miserable.

she wants to see me today and talk about it, to finish it, get a closure or whatever

i'm kinda worried and it will probably be pretty hardcore, but it's happening... i just want it to be over

i'm sorry, man. i wish life didn't have to be this way.

me and my laptop and acoustic guitar are getting ready to leave town for the weekend. when you're far away, you can't answer the door when people want to come and bother you. if you get my drift.

Ah, mood-altering chemicals, my area of expertise. Mental illness sucks, hard. It can certainly be exacerbated by and even reinforce unhealthy lifestyle decisions. The whole thing is cyclical, but it there's a chemical imbalance, it must be dealt with while you alter all other factors. Sadly it all comes very slowly and takes a lot of time and constant effort. Sometimes complete recovery won't ever come and for the rest of your life, you'll be stuck constantly just trying to keep your head above water and wishing things could go back to how they were. However, that's moreso based on my own experiences dealing with more than just MDD (Major Depressive Disorder, not to devalue it by any means).


One thing about Zoloft though is that "ejaculation difficulties" is actually a code name for "lasting longer in the sack." Fo' sho', I'd imagine the whole dick numbness thing isn't too common. I didn't have issues with the operation of my equipment at all when I was taking it, but I didn't feel like getting off was a little more difficult. It's a bit annoying when you just want to rub one out, but not so bad with a partner. My doctor did however talk to me about side effects, it's kind of strange yours wouldn't at least mention them. Remember anti-depressants take at least a couple weeks to really take full effect and you may still feel "foggy" for a while until you adjust completely. Most side effects are minimal and the benefits outweigh the issues. If you're having serious issues get into your doc as quickly as possible (much easier said than done) and talk about changing meds. There's a lot of options out there and not all things work well for everyone even with the same symptoms/diagnosis.

But like I said, this has become an unfortunate and unavoidable part of my world in the last few years. Hopefully your issues with MI don't completely derail your life like they have mine.

my experience with that particular side effect (from a different antidepressant...i've never taken Zoloft) was that "ejaculation difficulties" meant that i'd get about 85% of the way to orgasm and then my body would just...lose interest. it was exceedingly frustrating, as you might imagine. i've never used an antidepressant that doesn't screw up my sexual functioning at least a little, but my depression otherwise makes my existence unbearable so i made the choice years ago that i'd rather compromise than die. and i don't say that dramatically. i probably would have topped myself in September if i hadn't switched to a new medication, and if my cats hadn't needed me.

Had one of those moments tonight where it doesn't matter what you say or do for the time being, you just can't make a situation better.
I'm very confident that we can resolve this and will be absolutely fine, but I fucking hate seeing her worried & holding back tears.

Working Black Friday at Best Buy. God dddddaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmiiiiiitttttttttttttt.

dubkitty wrote:i'm sorry, man. i wish life didn't have to be this way.

me and my laptop and acoustic guitar are getting ready to leave town for the weekend. when you're far away, you can't answer the door when people want to come and bother you. if you get my drift.

it was actually pretty cool... she was somehow very supporting and i needed it... then i was supporting when she needed it. we both laughed, cried... but we've both agreed on the fact that we don't wnat to throw everything away and that we'll al least try to have good friendly relationship

i don't think it will be a problem since we're in different cities... we won't be around very much. The idea is nice, let's see if it can work

enjoy... it's probably a great idea to get out for a while

adrianlee wrote:Working Black Friday at Best Buy. God dddddaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmiiiiiitttttttttttttt.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-gasp-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA