dubkitty wrote:confession: i hate myself and i want to die.
I've felt this, many times in my life. Although I'm not as old or experiences as you may be, I can relate. It's a feeling some of us never escape. It's something I've helped my father through recently. He got out of the military and was lost coming back into society in a new state he's never lived in. He was deeply depressed and took mood stablizers and anti anxiety meds whic were only temporary fixes. Very few people actually need those pills. This is along the lines of what I told him.
(This is all self learned theories and i would never claim any of it as fact)
Long term depression is developed from a continuos pattern of feeling the same way for along time. Where an unbalance of chemicals in your brain becomes routine. Days, weeks, months pass and these same chemicals are always being pumped because everyday, you feel the same way. It becomes "normal" for your brains to produce these feelings. It's nothing any drug will cure you of. It's about breaking the cycle. Only then can you see what it feels like outside your sphere and getting back to that place you want to be. Whether it be moving to a new location or picking up a new hobby or joining a group of any sort that relates to your interests. Feeling the way you do happens, not to all of us, but a lot of us. Only the strong willed persevere. It's what makes the greatest artists IMO. And it destroys some.
Relocating is what always helped me. New sceneries, new people, new experiences. Not all were good. I've moved and lived in places for awhile and said "this fucking sucks" and left. Ad it's what my father did. He stopped taking his pills and moved to California. And life has never been better for him. He's found a new positive outlook on life, gained his motivation back, and recently, because of his great attitude, a new great paying job fell into his lap from someone who noticed his energy while my dad was working at a Macy's furniture sales floor. He now flys all over the country selling 20,000 dollar medical laser devices.
Check it out, here in Maui, it's great. It's not too expenive(despite what misinformed people say), and there's jobs! OMG how there's jobs. And decent pay. Fuck, even McDonald's cashiers make at least $10 an hour. I payed $675 for a decent 1bedroom apt. The scenery is beautiful, always. There's a constant flux of people coming and going. The energy in the air is sooo refreshing. Lots of "hippies"(people that want a more natural way of living), and a lot of self sustaining influence. I do suggest this place for people that want to escape. And I've heard many, many stories of that being the reason why people a're here. I suggest you come here. People are so nice, warm, and inviting. And hey! You got a 420 connect already. I know alittle of your situation Dubkitty, through my lurking. Chicago just doesn't sound fun. I'm not saying drop everything and move to maui. But concider leaving and movig someplace peaceful and beautiful. The good energy will rub off on you.
My other suggestion: take yoga if you already don't. Sounds kinda gay, but its very opening and relaxing. Better yet, take yoga in maui. Lol
(I'm not trying to sell maui so much, it's just an example of a great place to be. I personally don't prefer it here. I'm too young and too adventurous to be stuck on an island...again. I'm moving to Portland when I feel the time is right.
Also what I said early in the post might not apply to you or maybe you can't relate to it, I just don't like hearing people say what you said. Thought maybe I can help, even if just a microscopic amount. Honestly, in my ILF book...in all my time lurking, you're respected the most. No bullshit.)
thanks. there's a lot of food for thought there.
anytime.
