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Penny for yer thoughts....

guh. i hate bitching about it. like Bubsy showed, there's people with real problems.

for the last 5 years she's been living in Japan while i live out here. first to take care of her mom, then to run the family bidness. i can't live out there (have to give up my house i rent for way too cheap and adore, give up the business i'm taking over soon, make nothing out there... i could tutor kids in English for piddling cash), she can't live out here since she's making so much right now, and enjoys her job, here she'd have to start over somewhere. plus i love the people i play music with... my few friends...

i just thought it would be a year, maybe 2 tops when we started this. i'm overjoyed her mom stayed healthy as long as she did and my grrL got to be with her for so long.... but there's no end in sight. and i keep crushing HARD on grrLs, when i don't do that if i'm in a relationship... but it's like being single but NOT. just haven't been happy with that part of my life forever. and everytime we talk nothing gets resolved.

EMOS. i haz them.

emoez
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO9Lj0T93Xk[/youtube]

I've been pretty depressed lately. But I think I'm getting out of it. Friends and poon. Good remedies, eh?

Actual confession: I just went on weather.com rather than walk the ten feet across my room to open/look out the window.

behndy wrote:guh. i hate bitching about it. like Bubsy showed, there's people with real problems.

for the last 5 years she's been living in Japan while i live out here. first to take care of her mom, then to run the family bidness. i can't live out there (have to give up my house i rent for way too cheap and adore, give up the business i'm taking over soon, make nothing out there... i could tutor kids in English for piddling cash), she can't live out here since she's making so much right now, and enjoys her job, here she'd have to start over somewhere. plus i love the people i play music with... my few friends...

i just thought it would be a year, maybe 2 tops when we started this. i'm overjoyed her mom stayed healthy as long as she did and my grrL got to be with her for so long.... but there's no end in sight. and i keep crushing HARD on grrLs, when i don't do that if i'm in a relationship... but it's like being single but NOT. just haven't been happy with that part of my life forever. and everytime we talk nothing gets resolved.

EMOS. i haz them.

shit man, that sucks... i HATE relationship limbo. its so sucky when you love someone but know that it won't be good for so long. you don't WANT it to end but think that maybe it would be better/easier for both of you if it did. neither would leave you happy but the current state won't either.... gah no answer
HUGZ FOR LE EMOZ


@BUB been there man... got help. had bad, BAD days since. had good days since. its a slow crawl but it really is uphill from here

thanks menger. yah, it was a rough week last week. i've thrown myself into a bunch of smaller music things the last few days and that's helped a lot. we're aiming for gigging in about 3 or 4 weeks too, so that'll add some perk up and give me some Distraction Times.

but yeah. the...... uncertainty of it is what's killing me. i have days where i just want her here, i'd even give in to having a kid (even though i'd make a horrible father and i have zero desire to be one), i have days where i just want her to fuck somebody else so i have a clean reason to break it off, i have days where i don't know what the fuck i feel. like i wallow in it and flop between thinking it'd be more noble to tell her that we made a good run of it but it's not going to work out or maybe i should dump my whole life and move to Japan. but that'd be like hitting the reset button for me. not really trying to start over at age 36. and then there's the kid issue. fucking sucks.

BUT. fuck that. or butt-fuck that. tired of being all bummed out. have a buncha fun shit before practice tomorrow and then get to make some loud noises with my peeps. AND all you little wombats that got at this silliness.........

viewtopic.php?f=150&t=27006 (there's like 4 or 5 mashups in the OP. fucking TALENT up on this site yo.)

cheered me the FUCK up. MEOW. lurv all you fuckers.

After another crisis last night I woke up to... nothing. Again.

I just can't believe it's my birthday. I mean, I received one "happy birthday" today and it was from sonidero, someone I've never met or even talked to. It made me feel good in a way (I mean, it shows that someone took the time to say it), but at the same time it made me realize exactly how little my family and "friends" (of which there are only two) actually care about me. I've been there for every one of their little fights, their problems; every single fucking one.

Oh well. Now I'm just bitching, I suppose. Sorry.

It's all good Bub... Glad you logged on... Holla at me...

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY... LIVE IT UP AND LOVE LIFE...

Well, shit, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBSTANCE! Stick around!

i didn't know it was your birthday. happy birthday, mate...this year can be better.

Happy birthday, man!


I hope life will be looking up soon enough!

HAPPY GROPE DAY!!

GET. OVER. HERE.

murowoaw.

Happy b-day, man... remember you're always welcomed here

bubstance wrote:After flaking out on everybody over the last few months, several moves and a ton of stupid shit, I tried to kill myself twice.

The only reason I didn't die is because my landlady called the cops when I was banging around while having a seizure.

I am so fucking done. I don't even know what I'm doing posting this.

Talk to somebody who is willing to listen. Not your friend or the dude that tends bar, but somebody who will listen because they generally want to help. It will do some good and things always get better...

behndy wrote:guh. i hate bitching about it. like Bubsy showed, there's people with real problems.

for the last 5 years she's been living in Japan while i live out here. first to take care of her mom, then to run the family bidness. i can't live out there (have to give up my house i rent for way too cheap and adore, give up the business i'm taking over soon, make nothing out there... i could tutor kids in English for piddling cash), she can't live out here since she's making so much right now, and enjoys her job, here she'd have to start over somewhere. plus i love the people i play music with... my few friends...

i just thought it would be a year, maybe 2 tops when we started this. i'm overjoyed her mom stayed healthy as long as she did and my grrL got to be with her for so long.... but there's no end in sight. and i keep crushing HARD on grrLs, when i don't do that if i'm in a relationship... but it's like being single but NOT. just haven't been happy with that part of my life forever. and everytime we talk nothing gets resolved.

EMOS. i haz them.

I was in a long distance relationship for a while, not as long (distance wise) but she was States away. It can be tough and sometimes tough decisions have to be made. We were planning on being seperated for a while but she lost her job, and that was it. She moved up. Kinda came out of nowhere so you never know...

yah. it's a business she runs that is mad stable. i dunno. i feel all whiny about it. i know what's probably the smart choice, i might be working closer to that. i just don't WANT to. i don't want to start over. and i love her madly. i'm just angry more than i am happy when i think about her or us.

blegh. BLE. GH.