ilovefuzz.com

well since its not funny to some of you, il leave now and never return, selah.

if we wanna be funny~ish I definitely passed out from drinking too much mid sex more than a few times or so I'm told.

Yesssss, this is an unholy den of self-deprecation

Okay, I'm back to bring the thread back to a light-hearted yet, self-depreciating vibe.

This happened years upon years ago. I've always had lots of close female friends and one night one of my best friends at the time and I went out for drinks (took the subway, no driving or cycling involved). I was younger and still in that "need to try every craft beer ever" phase of life and there was a Firestone Walker tap takeover at the bar we went to. Obviously, the sensible thing to do is to drink Wookey Jack by the pint all night. We go back to her place where I also had a six pack of Miller High Life. More drinking is had...sex ensues.

Cut to the next morning. I HAVE to leave very early to go to class. Drinking a Black Rye IPA all night does things to your stomach. She wanted me to stay but I HAD TO GO...literally. The one bathroom in her apartment....was in her room...I couldn't do what I was about to do to anyone.

So I leave, go to my lecture building. I even go a floor above my class (cause "heat rises" was my hungover logic) and...you know that scene in the last episode of TRUE DETECTIVE Season 1 where Rust sees the Universe open up in front of his eyes? He sees to Carcosa? Well that was my anus. I unleashed the fury in that bathroom and I have never been the same since. Thank goodness I did not do it in her room.

This is where it gets bitter sweet, I think. I wanted to tell her I wasn't trying to be evasive and that it wasn't just a night of drunken sex. But my phone was intermittently dying...and not coming back to life more or less ever again (so started a period of my life without a cell phone actually)...I tried to do the thing people used to do before we became inundated in our phones; with the last remaining seconds of my phone being alive, I set up a spot to meet later in the day but like every Meg Ryan movie ever...we missed each other.

We stayed friends but I still think she thought I was trying to "pump and dump". The "sad" thing is I actually really liked her and sometimes wonder how things would have played out had my anus not betrayed me (to be fair, 9 pints of the Wookey is not a nice thing to do to your innards so can't blame the anus entirely on this one [I am not a big person by any stretch of the imagination so just from a 'volume' perspective, there was a compromise to my structural integrity]).

I know this is more interesting to me because it was my own experience...but I can't help but think this could have been a Roy Orbison or Del Shannon song.

So you really did kind of pull a pump and dump, just a different sort of dump...

popvulture wrote:So you really did kind of pull a pump and dump, just a different sort of dump...

I wouldn't say I "pump" so much as "floundered". And this was not a "dump". This was some ENTER THE VOID shit (literally). I had to hold on to the toilet to not take off and fly over the world like in the Tibetan Book of the dead.

More or less what happened in the bathroom.

Shark, you are too much

If we are telling funny sex stories I have one.

This was almost a decade or more ago (back when slide phones were a thing). A girl I had been smoking with texts me around 1 or 2am and tells me to come over and to bring alcohol. Pretty sure this is booty call I dress accordingly in cheap pair of polyester basketball shorts, tshirt and slip ons. She only lived a couple of blocks away so I only brought my keys and phone. I get there, she sneaks me into her room (still lived at home) and we have a couple of shots sitting on her bed. Pretty soon after that she pulls down her tank top and tells me it's my turn and points to my shorts. I do so and she goes at it with an intensity that is rarely seen outside of porn. After that we switch positions and start to fuck. After she cums she says she wants in her ass from behind. She then gets up and her room explodes in light coming from where she had just been laying and I hear a faint "hello?". It's my phone. I slide it shut ending the call and look at who it had dialed. It was my mom. I had called her over 20 times in about a half an hour timespan. I had several missed calls and voicemails. And had several texts...
"Are you ok?"
"What's that noise?"
"Jacob?"
"Answer"
"Are you ok?!"
"I'm going to call the police"
Instantly not hard. Shriveled up. The girl not realizing what happened is waving her ass in the air telling me to fuck it. I quickly text my mom "I'm ok. I fell asleep watching a movie." I try to get hard again but can't. She is a little miffed and takes a jab at my manhood. I leave.
The end.

^ that's amazing. You're in 1st place.

Not nearly as good but I once had a girl stop mid makeout and leave because I wouldn't choke her while we made out. She just stopped, said "you're too gentle" and peaced haha

imJonWain wrote:Not nearly as good but I once had a girl stop mid makeout and leave because I wouldn't choke her while we made out. She just stopped, said "you're too gentle" and peaced haha

I was going to bring up the whole asphyxiation thing earlier but wasn't sure we needed to go down that rabbit hole

We are a forum of Soy Boys.

imJonWain wrote:^ that's amazing. You're in 1st place.

Not nearly as good but I once had a girl stop mid makeout and leave because I wouldn't choke her while we made out. She just stopped, said "you're too gentle" and peaced haha

Yeah, that story has gotten me a few drinks in the past. Made my cousin fall off his chair with I-can't-breath laughter.

Speaking of not being able to breath, I've never had a girl ask me to choke her unless we've been intimate before. You can really hurt someone if you don't know what you're doing.

comesect2.0 wrote:I love this thread so let me share this, opinions needed... maybe, ahaha....so I just bought crickets for my lizard and the girl that checked me out ive been talking to when ever I go in, she happens to be manager, and seems to like chit chat and gives me that sweet innocent smile...so I looked on the receipt and found her name....entered it into facebook seach, with first name then petco, and boom there she is.....so I was thinking how wierd it would be if I befriended her but if I were to do so I need to change my avatar, and hide a few strange things that may send to her the wrong image of myself... should I totally revamp my fb page for this ahhaha...says shes single....(("""In springtime, the only pretty ring time, When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding...Sweet loverrrrs love ...the spring.""" ))

......too wierd.....right, gotta just keep goin in to buy cat food then and be like "hey you like birds...so do I....wanna flap our wings together and lay eggs"? or some shit...
:continuous edit: ya just went threw her page ahah ya...i know...and found that shes younger than me and is highly susceptible to persuasion from little clues and two and twos.... then I looked at my page and III dont know how this would go down but now I know she likes jellyfish too..so next time im in there il throw out a jellyfish are awesome statement and talk about church..

& BAM! I liked one of her photos and next thing I know....im blocked. well now that its over, get this.. her last name was fucking SPRINKLES.......................................sprinkles ...I have a few photos for public so thats great when I gotta go back to get somthing.

This is not that bad man. Just shouldn't have liked shit on her page/don't come off so desperate. No harm done dudes.