The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

[dubkitty]

this is the sort of thing i mean when i say that i prefer renting an apartment to owning a house and getting to pay more and be responsible for all the repairs on top of it. i very much look forward to never thinking about septic tanks or huge limbs falling 100+ feet off redwood trees ever again. i do miss the redwoods, though, but that’s the only thing about the 00s-early 10s i miss at all.

[Soggy Donkey]

... why am i even doing this? i do enjoy being able to generate sound environments i like, but nobody else cares, so what’s the point? and i don’t want to pimp myself in order to get heard. as Richie Edwards sang, “the only way to gain approval is by exploiting the very thing that cheapens me.” add that i live in a sleepy small city 100 miles from a music scene that could accommodate what i do—maybe more if i had to go to fucking Baltimore—and it just seems hopeless. maybe all i was ever supposed to do was keep myself out of trouble and off the streets. well, i’m off the streets, but i’m truly troubled. i remember a guy on the Gretsch Pages who spent ages working on music and eventually asked the agonized question “so, is this just a hobby?” which i guess is to ask “am i doing this just for me, and if so how much does it make sense to put into it?”

but it’s really the only creative outlet i have. i don’t know how to answer any of this. sometimes i just want to sell everything but a few favored items. but then what do i give my imagination to do?

I usually lurk here off and on, but ^this^ really hit home. I play and record at home, make these lovely little cassettes for bandcamp and the local record store, but don't actually ever "sell" any musiuc. In fact, today I paid $10 postage to send a cassette someone bought for $10, but which oh god I don't want to think how much the gocco bulbs and ink and j-cards and physical tapes cost me. So yeah, why do this? For all the reasons you said, I guess. I get obsessed and spend a lot of time doing this, and if i didn't I'd either be already dead or caught up in some other kind of bs.

Plus, I guess, I tell myself money doesn't mean anything, in the long run. Except maybe to make the long run longer. But honestly who wants that?

[sutarappa]

... why am i even doing this? i do enjoy being able to generate sound environments i like, but nobody else cares, so what’s the point? and i don’t want to pimp myself in order to get heard. as Richie Edwards sang, “the only way to gain approval is by exploiting the very thing that cheapens me.” add that i live in a sleepy small city 100 miles from a music scene that could accommodate what i do—maybe more if i had to go to fucking Baltimore—and it just seems hopeless. maybe all i was ever supposed to do was keep myself out of trouble and off the streets. well, i’m off the streets, but i’m truly troubled. i remember a guy on the Gretsch Pages who spent ages working on music and eventually asked the agonized question “so, is this just a hobby?” which i guess is to ask “am i doing this just for me, and if so how much does it make sense to put into it?”

but it’s really the only creative outlet i have. i don’t know how to answer any of this. sometimes i just want to sell everything but a few favored items. but then what do i give my imagination to do?

I usually lurk here off and on, but ^this^ really hit home. I play and record at home, make these lovely little cassettes for bandcamp and the local record store, but don't actually ever "sell" any musiuc. In fact, today I paid $10 postage to send a cassette someone bought for $10, but which oh god I don't want to think how much the gocco bulbs and ink and j-cards and physical tapes cost me. So yeah, why do this? For all the reasons you said, I guess. I get obsessed and spend a lot of time doing this, and if i didn't I'd either be already dead or caught up in some other kind of bs.

Plus, I guess, I tell myself money doesn't mean anything, in the long run. Except maybe to make the long run longer. But honestly who wants that?

What's your bandcamp?

Always felt never to professionalize. Yet, a minor, hopeful moment or two went among too many good times. Whims of creation don't play by the cuts of survival. My relationship with music seems insubordinate to the regularity of digging graves. I do fancy the sound of soil and shovel.

Been material with the tools, oh yah. Binge and purge. Probably thought more about the tools than using them.

Still making sounds sometimes, and I'm ok with being inaudible.