ilovefuzz.com

yeah, my gf’s English bulldog pup had a checkup where she was way low on hormones and they said she may have Addison’s disease. fortunately it’s been caught early enough to be treatable, but it’s still a worry. she goes for more tests on Monday when we’re back from vacation. it’s been hard…the bully she had when we met dropped dead age 5 from an aneurysm, and last year her bulldog died of pneumonia after a routine surgery.

morange wrote: ↑Thu May 08, 2025 6:56 pm I was thinking the other day how the digitization of currency has only made it easier for the rich to keep it away from the rest of us. You can kill them, they're only human, but you can't get your hands on their wealth. But currency is an abstraction, and it's value is based on the assumption that it will eventually exchanged for something IRL. Currency that is never spent is nothing; it may as well not exist. It's no loss to society for billionaires' unspent fortunes to disappear into nothing.

Yeah. Money is made up. I make it in my mind. Those tricks across the street? They make it in theirs. Abstraction is assumption is ohmygoddamn. When will you meet me in illusion town?

update: Rosie does NOT have Addison’s disease.

when i looked at Informed Delivery in the small hours of the morning USPS had 5 of my packages in Richmond, the last step before Charlottesville. ONE package made it here for delivery today. a minor thing but annoying as hell.

There is no $500 loan for a bass I don't need. Credifuck fucked per electronic chinga games. Mah species. Who steals physical goods these days?

not having credit isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you. i credited myself right into a corner paying for uncovered medical bills and Too Many Guitar Projects, and am looking at a stiff 6 to 9 months before i’m out from under that.

but that’s not what i’m here to talk about. it’s harder than that. as some of you will have noticed, i’ve acquired a lot of gear in my ILF years that’s starting to feel excessive and pointless. this year i’ve barely played at all since February, when i finished off my boards and turned to guitar projects. i’ve always said they’re my way to acquire different and unusual pickups/voices without having to spend thousands on a guitar. that still applies now, but i have a number of projects i’m having trouble finishing and have started to wonder why i need so much when i’m almost 69 and probably will never gig again. it feels self-indulgent, and is also tough to support.

but that’s just the top layer. the big worm is, why am i even doing this? i do enjoy being able to generate sound environments i like, but nobody else cares, so what’s the point? and i don’t want to pimp myself in order to get heard. as Richie Edwards sang, “the only way to gain approval is by exploiting the very thing that cheapens me.” add that i live in a sleepy small city 100 miles from a music scene that could accommodate what i do—maybe more if i had to go to fucking Baltimore—and it just seems hopeless. maybe all i was ever supposed to do was keep myself out of trouble and off the streets. well, i’m off the streets, but i’m truly troubled. i remember a guy on the Gretsch Pages who spent ages working on music and eventually asked the agonized question “so, is this just a hobby?” which i guess is to ask “am i doing this just for me, and if so how much does it make sense to put into it?”

but it’s really the only creative outlet i have. i don’t know how to answer any of this. sometimes i just want to sell everything but a few favored items. but then what do i give my imagination to do?

i also started a physical therapy regimen this week designed to help my back not suck so much. i had an MRI in July that showed 2 damaged discs with nerve involvement ("spinal stenosis") and started taking gabapentin which helps some, but i need to do something to deal with my back's structural problems that's not meds-dependent. boy, do i hate it so far. it's not that it's terribly difficult, but it requires a LOT of reps so i have to break it into 3 separate sets spaced throughout the day. i don't like prescribed exercise that i HAVE to do, as compared to the more freelance way i've been approaching it since i decided in July that i had to do something about myself. it feels like being in school in a bad way. but i really don't have a choice...it's either do something or continue to deteriorate, and it's been painful enough in the last few years that i can't take it.

Oof. As I inch towards the Brimley Line I know I’ve got to take better care of my back. Hope the effort pays off.

i’ve been dealing with back pain since 1981, when i was injured in an attempted mugging. the pain got worse over the years, but didn’t become a big impairment in my life until after the COVID thing. i was spectacularly deconditioned after that and never fully regained my strength, so the muscles let the vertebrae collapse onto the already-compromised channels major nerves pass through. ouch. after that i started losing entire days because my back said “no,” and have had enough problems standing at concerts that i try to have a seat if at all possible. it got so bad it really wasn’t tenable to go on like that.

before the PT i started walking and then doing a upper-body routine with 5-pound weights i did back in 2001 when i was trying to get in shape. the weights stuff has made me taller from my breastbone up, but walking has been problematic because the disc stuff causes trouble in my left leg.

it’s weird. i’ve never been a Fitness Guy so it’s strange watching my body change.

I had a disc heriation about a decade ago, and it was a real bad year. Walking and doing some stretching every morning seem to be keeping things at bay, but I do have to remind myself sometimes I'm doing the exercises for the Very Important reason of not being miserable.

And as long as you enjoy the process of your projects then it's a good thing to do!

in yet another expansion of the Year Of Getting Shit Fixed, i went to the dentist to consult about something that would replace the lower front tooth that’s been missing since i was 12. they advise a partial bridge that’ll also cap nearby teeth that are out of position. even with insurance and my FSA it’s going to be costly enough that i’m going to have to organize my pedals to sell and post stuff in B/S/T (not to be confused with BS&T whose big hits were “Spinning Wheel” and “You’ve Made Me So Very Happy”). it’s scheduled for later this month, but i’m going to reschedule it to November when i have nothing between the Beta Band 10/30 in Philadelphia and 12/16. this shit really comes at you fast. not really something to hate, more like “here’s even more shit to deal with.” maybe i’ll start looping more so i have a way to get away from all this.

the PT is going OK, though i had to take yesterday off after pushing too hard on Sunday. my back is definitely improving, but is still unstable. i’m probably going to have to be working on conditioning for the rest of my life which i’m not thrilled about, but if that’s what’s required i guess i have to do it.

they moved the deadline for finishing the mountain of Fender products i have to write up for work up a week and a half so i’m going to have to beat my brains out for the next 2 weeks. on the positive side, if i pull it off i’m gonna look real good. i just have to get through this bit.

it hasn’t been wonderful. i’m killing my work, but getting in disputes with entailed workers that require extended explanations to get them to understand. i’m concerned the issues will obscure the high work rate. i’m very mentally tired from this, and very physically tired from PT. and now Becky’s back in the hospital, which she’s been in and out like the proverbial dog at a fair, again. so that means breakfast and dinner with her at Club Martha Jefferson Hospital rammed into the rest of my schedule. i’m afraid to nap because i pass out for hours and then struggle to wake up. and i’m trying to pay down consumer and PayPal debt so things are tight. i really need to go to high mountains for a week and forget about everything, but it’s mid-October and the high mountains, 4000 miles away, are socked in till spring. i fear that it’s going to be a long winter. it’s already been a long fall.

So don't fall. Only, Earth. 69 is unfathomable to me. Recently turned 44. 1981, and suta wants ta be yer back pain. Kill work, yeah. Remember, there is no real human connection without humility, openness, and the nature of vulnerability. I want to fire my arrogant theater as a juggernaut to wipe miseducated minds clean... Never ever will work like that. No matter how many beautiful humans I can exploit with my arrogance...

I recently acquired a Devi Ever 'Bit." Kinda rad. Gonna plug a bass in. Best travel with the PT, DK.

I had to have 4 trees felled this week due to heart rot… two of which were huge fir trees… but they were all either too close to the house or were going to block the driveway when they got blown over.. I hate having to get rid of the firs but… the whole vibe of the yard is off now… but the last blustery day we had nocked over a tree so better safe than sorry… also it cost over 4k….