ilovefuzz.com

that's the thing that really bothers me. i understand her wanting to leave me...hell, i've been dealing with suicidal ideation for ages, so even i want to leave me LOL. but why be such a cunt about it? and why stick me with such a shitty situation?

I've been sitting in a casino hotel room for three hours now doing nothing but play Angry Birds and tooling about ILF. I haven't even gone down to the lobby since checking in, and I'm completely sober.

this dude i'm really into is really into this older girl with a really serious boyfriend

but i like her so i can't even hate her to feel better about myself.

unownunown wrote:this dude i'm really into is really into this older girl with a really serious boyfriend

but i like her so i can't even hate her to feel better about myself.

The way to a man's heart is not through his stomach.

I can only foresee things deteriorating. The living situation, my weird and mostly dysfunctional family, my ambitions, all kinds of stuff. It doesn't seem to be a matter of "what can be done to maintain this?", more like "when is it going to fall apart and what happens from there?". I feel isolated from other people in this regard, it definitely seems abnormal. I also feel like a fuckin' idiot whenever I write up posts like this, so usually I just stop writing and go to a different thread, but...eh.
I feel guilty because other people have problems a lot worse than mine. I could definitely do more to improve things, but then I don't. Don't do anything, I mean. I still feel bad
Since I seem to be mentally centered around the concept of decay, I guess, I hardly ever have any kind of real motivation. In reality, though, I don't "need a kick in the ass". I should be able to drive myself.

Sometimes I think that maybe I should see a psychiatrist or something, but then again I don't just want a pill that will fuck with my head. I don't want an artificial contentedness, or motivation, or whatever. I want the real thing. It seems like I'm too weak of a person to realize that goal. I know there are things I want to contribute, and I feel like there's a possibility of accomplishing it, but also I wonder if I can actually do whatever it takes to provide anything of real value. Again this goes back to the "kick in the ass" thing.
Well, I know there's no such thing as true "satisfaction", but you know, I had to throw it in there. And those things aren't the end result anyway; you have to orient yourself towards maintaining them, in turn towards a larger goal. Maybe it would help. I don't know.
Also, I use "something" in place of far too many words. Way too many goddamn commas and "also"s.

I listen to music at night is so I won't start thinking about anything, but that's also the time I'm free to get deep in thought, and possibly get something constructive out of it. My ipod broke yesterday anyway though. This entire post is pathetic, that's why I don't follow through and post 'em. I hope nobody actually reads it, or at least don't think lesser of me.

I want to be crushed, and not in the creepy way like those videos on youtube of girls stomping on miniature cardboard cities. Although those are kind of funny because they're so weird. 3D vore animations are also equally fucked up/endearing, by the way.

And finally (weightier and more heinous than anything previous to this), I unironically love John Maus. His latest two albums, anyway. I like some of his ideas about music. Oh yeah, I love eurobeat too. The more horrifically cheesy it is, the better when it comes to eurobeat. It's abrasive in the same way as harsh noise music, just using a different method.

I read that, and don't think anything less of you.

Achtane wrote:I can only foresee things deteriorating. The living situation, my weird and mostly dysfunctional family, my ambitions, all kinds of stuff. It doesn't seem to be a matter of "what can be done to maintain this?", more like "when is it going to fall apart and what happens from there?". I feel isolated from other people in this regard, it definitely seems abnormal. I also feel like a fuckin' idiot whenever I write up posts like this, so usually I just stop writing and go to a different thread, but...eh.
I feel guilty because other people have problems a lot worse than mine. I could definitely do more to improve things, but then I don't. Don't do anything, I mean. I still feel bad
Since I seem to be mentally centered around the concept of decay, I guess, I hardly ever have any kind of real motivation. In reality, though, I don't "need a kick in the ass". I should be able to drive myself.

Sometimes I think that maybe I should see a psychiatrist or something, but then again I don't just want a pill that will fuck with my head. I don't want an artificial contentedness, or motivation, or whatever. I want the real thing. It seems like I'm too weak of a person to realize that goal. I know there are things I want to contribute, and I feel like there's a possibility of accomplishing it, but also I wonder if I can actually do whatever it takes to provide anything of real value. Again this goes back to the "kick in the ass" thing.
Well, I know there's no such thing as true "satisfaction", but you know, I had to throw it in there. And those things aren't the end result anyway; you have to orient yourself towards maintaining them, in turn towards a larger goal. Maybe it would help. I don't know.
Also, I use "something" in place of far too many words. Way too many goddamn commas and "also"s.

I listen to music at night is so I won't start thinking about anything, but that's also the time I'm free to get deep in thought, and possibly get something constructive out of it. My ipod broke yesterday anyway though. This entire post is pathetic, that's why I don't follow through and post 'em. I hope nobody actually reads it, or at least don't think lesser of me.

I want to be crushed, and not in the creepy way like those videos on youtube of girls stomping on miniature cardboard cities. Although those are kind of funny because they're so weird. 3D vore animations are also equally fucked up/endearing, by the way.

And finally (weightier and more heinous than anything previous to this), I unironically love John Maus. His latest two albums, anyway. I like some of his ideas about music. Oh yeah, I love eurobeat too. The more horrifically cheesy it is, the better when it comes to eurobeat. It's abrasive in the same way as harsh noise music, just using a different method.

Shrinks can do some good things for some good people. I don't have any firsthand experience but I've had some friends who're definitely better people after visiting one.

D.o.S. wrote:

Achtane wrote:I can only foresee things deteriorating. The living situation, my weird and mostly dysfunctional family, my ambitions, all kinds of stuff. It doesn't seem to be a matter of "what can be done to maintain this?", more like "when is it going to fall apart and what happens from there?". I feel isolated from other people in this regard, it definitely seems abnormal. I also feel like a fuckin' idiot whenever I write up posts like this, so usually I just stop writing and go to a different thread, but...eh.
I feel guilty because other people have problems a lot worse than mine. I could definitely do more to improve things, but then I don't. Don't do anything, I mean. I still feel bad
Since I seem to be mentally centered around the concept of decay, I guess, I hardly ever have any kind of real motivation. In reality, though, I don't "need a kick in the ass". I should be able to drive myself.

Sometimes I think that maybe I should see a psychiatrist or something, but then again I don't just want a pill that will fuck with my head. I don't want an artificial contentedness, or motivation, or whatever. I want the real thing. It seems like I'm too weak of a person to realize that goal. I know there are things I want to contribute, and I feel like there's a possibility of accomplishing it, but also I wonder if I can actually do whatever it takes to provide anything of real value. Again this goes back to the "kick in the ass" thing.
Well, I know there's no such thing as true "satisfaction", but you know, I had to throw it in there. And those things aren't the end result anyway; you have to orient yourself towards maintaining them, in turn towards a larger goal. Maybe it would help. I don't know.
Also, I use "something" in place of far too many words. Way too many goddamn commas and "also"s.

I listen to music at night is so I won't start thinking about anything, but that's also the time I'm free to get deep in thought, and possibly get something constructive out of it. My ipod broke yesterday anyway though. This entire post is pathetic, that's why I don't follow through and post 'em. I hope nobody actually reads it, or at least don't think lesser of me.

I want to be crushed, and not in the creepy way like those videos on youtube of girls stomping on miniature cardboard cities. Although those are kind of funny because they're so weird. 3D vore animations are also equally fucked up/endearing, by the way.

And finally (weightier and more heinous than anything previous to this), I unironically love John Maus. His latest two albums, anyway. I like some of his ideas about music. Oh yeah, I love eurobeat too. The more horrifically cheesy it is, the better when it comes to eurobeat. It's abrasive in the same way as harsh noise music, just using a different method.

Shrinks can do some good things for some good people. I don't have any firsthand experience but I've had some friends who're definitely better people after visiting one.

Shrinks can be a great thing. A friend of mine went from depressed, unproductive and suicidal to happy, productive and even ended up in a great relationship. She did HATE her shrink at times. Because he forced her to confront all her angsts and things she did not like about other people and herself. Be aware that it takes time. She said it basically takes as much time to fully unlearn something as it did to learn it. Saw the guy for years once a week then less often as she progressed. She might have been on pills early on to take the suicidal edge off, but I don't recall her popping any pills. This was about fixing the root of her problems.

It's important to know what you want to change into and be prepared to suffer through hell to get there.

My sister went to see two different shrinks and didn't like either. The first was 'too old to understand the problems of a college student' and the other one was 'treating me like a textbook case, because she's too young to know anything else'. The suggestion that maybe she was a textbook case did not go over well. She says she's better, which is true in the sense that nothing is really freaking her out right now, but her root problems are still there.

+ 1 on shrinks being able to help. There are different methods which can be suitable for different people and problems. Sometimes it's not necessary to root out the core problem, just finding a way around it might be enough. Maybe you should find some counsel around where you live so that you can be directed to a specific shrink with a suitable method. My rule of thumb is that you should go and see a shrink when you start standing in your own way and impeding yourself from doing basic stuff. It's hard to tell by what you posted if I'd send you to a shrink or if I'd say go for it and try to get out of there on your own. It is possible to discipline your own thought and get out of these kinds of habits. It is a pain in the ass, for sure, but it is definitely possible.

i've got an awesome name for my future post-rockish (ideally) band

the problem is assembling the band


also i really havent gotten into GY!BE at all... i hear how they're MINDBLOWING but they seem really boring o me sorry, ILF...
I WILL try to listen to them some moe though.. and i hope i'll overcome this first impression

DarkAxel wrote:i've got an awesome name for my future post-rockish (ideally) band

the problem is assembling the band


also i really havent gotten into GY!BE at all... i hear how they're MINDBLOWING but they seem really boring o me sorry, ILF...
I WILL try to listen to them some moe though.. and i hope i'll overcome this first impression

Strange. Try f#a#∞ on good headphones. If that doesn't work they're just not for you I guess...

allright, thanks... might try it tonight

The high E tuner on my JM gave out, so, instead of using my backup guitar, I just played with five strings.

...and I kind of dug it.

foomanfat wrote:The high E tuner on my JM gave out, so, instead of using my backup guitar, I just played with five strings.

...and I kind of dug it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnQKjHl9YjY[/youtube]

DarkAxel wrote:i've got an awesome name for my future post-rockish (ideally) band

the problem is assembling the band


also i really havent gotten into GY!BE at all... i hear how they're MINDBLOWING but they seem really boring o me sorry, ILF...
I WILL try to listen to them some moe though.. and i hope i'll overcome this first impression

Wrong answer try again.