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friendship wrote:i love being awake just kidding i want to sleep 4ever

If I could take a pill or get a brain implant or something and never have sleep again for the rest of my life with no ill effects, I would probably do that. I like to be lazy and lay around all day watching TNG in my underwear, I'm cool with rest, but I hate having to sleep.

yeah i got like four hours of sleep last night and woke up having a panic attack.

and after all this time. i'm thinking i might be traumatized from all the wildfires i have experienced here in california.

waltdogg wrote:yeah i got like four hours of sleep last night and woke up having a panic attack.

and after all this time. i'm thinking i might be traumatized from all the wildfires i have experienced here in california.

Do you have access to a counselor or someone you can talk to? I encourage you to do that even if you're not sure you're traumatized or not.

You can always call 211 to get referrals for mental health or social services. PTSD or any kind of acute anxiety can get really nasty if you try to just ride it out and wait for it to go away. It really has a tendency to create its own new spinoff problems that can become even worse if untreated.

Corey Y wrote:You can always call 211 to get referrals for mental health or social services. PTSD or any kind of acute anxiety can get really nasty if you try to just ride it out and wait for it to go away. It really has a tendency to create its own new spinoff problems that can become even worse if untreated.

Extreme panic/anxiety attacks can and do become heart attacks. Not everyone is prone to it, but any risk like that is enough to get it looked at.

I used to get severe panic attacks every couple days and was in and out of the emergency. Learning to take care of and handle them was the best thing I've ever done. Highly recommend seeing a professional to help you manage. Exercise is a major help for me too.

how come every year just gets harder and harder? like i'm slowly spiraling deeper into depression no matter what i try to do. is this just what happens when you grow older or am i getting worse?
how do you guys get your groove back after dark times?

I'm convinced that the tribulations of life vs age are like a bell curve.. When you're a baby and a kid, you don't give a shit about anything, and life is good. Then you start maturing and care about a bunch of stuff, and life starts sucking. Then you reach your 30's and you still want to be young, but life is a pile and you have to worry about everything and life continues to suck at maximum levels. And then finally you start getting older, and you begin to give less and less fucks about everything, not to say they aren't happening still, you just don't give a damn. And then you go out like you came in, naked and covered in your own waste. Oblivious to everything.

Pretty much that. I see that in some older people, they make no apologies for who they are, what they want to do or say, etc. It is frustrating and embarrassing, but kind of just hilarious. As if they reached their lifetime quota of bullshit and just do and say what they want.

i do see both a therapist and a psychiatrist. i'm on medications for my anxiety and ocd/adhd. i saw my psychiatrist yesterday and my therapist today. we hashed out a lot of what i've been feeling lately about work, my relationship with my dad, and how i haven't been able keep it together since the fire on my hill, and now the fire in santa rosa has me totally shaken.

vallaton wrote:how come every year just gets harder and harder? like i'm slowly spiraling deeper into depression no matter what i try to do. is this just what happens when you grow older or am i getting worse?
how do you guys get your groove back after dark times?

Yeah it's tricky, I think acceptance and changing ideas is a key.


But your from Finland at least! My Grandparent's are from there!

vallaton wrote:how come every year just gets harder and harder? like i'm slowly spiraling deeper into depression no matter what i try to do. is this just what happens when you grow older or am i getting worse?
how do you guys get your groove back after dark times?

I don't know. Sometimes it is like I can feel the frozen ice breaking under my feet, just knowing I am going to fall into the cold water again. Climbing out and drying off just seems like a slow progress. I try to remember to only worry about things I can control, which is so hard to do for so many reasons. I should focus on the best parts of the day instead of how I wish the worst parts didn't suck or what I could have done better. Try to accept imperfections more. Having something to look forward to helps, like a concert, new preordered album from a favorite band, even a new pedal once in a while, or a scheduled day off work. Set some goals, like try to finish a song or make a clip some week, something to push me but not overbearing that it becomes a chore. I don't have it all figured out but some of this helps me sometimes. I struggle more than people know. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep forever.

I get by via being so numb that sometimes I can't even tell if it's the depression or not! Actually, there are some days that are perfectly fine, but they're so fragile. But other days are really, really bad, or there's a moment like that in many days.
Then I try to remind myself that it's just the sadbrains trying to kill me, and there's no real foundation behind all the paranoia and such. I would like to get on medication, but eh.
I used to Xanax out in this kind of situation because it made me feel like a human being again, but now I just view it as dangerous and a last-resort. Because it is.

BetterOffShred wrote:I'm convinced that the tribulations of life vs age are like a bell curve.. When you're a baby and a kid, you don't give a shit about anything, and life is good. Then you start maturing and care about a bunch of stuff, and life starts sucking. Then you reach your 30's and you still want to be young, but life is a pile and you have to worry about everything and life continues to suck at maximum levels. And then finally you start getting older, and you begin to give less and less fucks about everything, not to say they aren't happening still, you just don't give a damn. And then you go out like you came in, naked and covered in your own waste. Oblivious to everything.

i guess that's at least something to wait for. hah.

imJonWain wrote:Yeah it's tricky, I think acceptance and changing ideas is a key.

that's what i try to tell myself, but it's sometimes hard to figure out what are the things i should accept and how can i change the things i want to change. like i can confront the harmful and irrational shit that comes up in my head on a rational level, but it's like i can't translate that rationalization into feelings. i know that everything i try isn't automatically shit, but it's really hard to not to feel that it is. if that makes any sense.

codetocontra wrote:I don't know. Sometimes it is like I can feel the frozen ice breaking under my feet, just knowing I am going to fall into the cold water again. Climbing out and drying off just seems like a slow progress. I try to remember to only worry about things I can control, which is so hard to do for so many reasons. I should focus on the best parts of the day instead of how I wish the worst parts didn't suck or what I could have done better. Try to accept imperfections more. Having something to look forward to helps, like a concert, new preordered album from a favorite band, even a new pedal once in a while, or a scheduled day off work. Set some goals, like try to finish a song or make a clip some week, something to push me but not overbearing that it becomes a chore. I don't have it all figured out but some of this helps me sometimes. I struggle more than people know. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep forever.

yeah, i guess there isn't any magic cure. just have to survive this and hope the ice will be thick enough at some point. it just feels really hopeless at times when nothing is interesting or feels good, and there's no sense of accomplishment. i guess i'm getting out of the water at least, because i just bought a bitquest and am saving money to get the new drone commander at some point.

Achtane wrote:I would like to get on medication, but eh.
I used to Xanax out in this kind of situation because it made me feel like a human being again, but now I just view it as dangerous and a last-resort. Because it is.

medication is a big help for many people, helps to deal with stuff day-to-day. maybe not regular xanax, but you know.
i'd love to get on medication, but this shit is what they call (...have to google what that thing is called in english...) treatment-resistant (...could've guessed it). i've gone through so many different meds and other stuff like TMS and ECT, and just keep hoping that one day they'll come up with something that helps me more than hinders.

thank you everyone. you're good peeps.

I think it helps to realize you're not alone man. We all have shit we're dealing with in our heads that you can't really put into words. For me it's just this creeping sense of Doom that never goes away. I get anxiety and depression and general discontentment. I keep myself busy with projects.. building guitar pedals, woodworking, building lego stuff with my boy, Idle hands.. as the saying goes. Back in the day you worked on the farm, read the bible, and then went to bed and did it again the next day. Nobody had time to worry, and they didn't have Facestagram to tell them how much better the lives of their peers are etc. The world got complicated in a hurry and the human mind is still trying to catch up.