ilovefuzz.com

I'm sick and I don't have health insurance

I feel like my safe place has been invaded.

I've had food poisoning since Saturday as well. Ugh.

I have had a damn knot or strain in my right side back and abs for a week now. Getting sick of not being able to do stuff and muscle spasms that make it freakin' hard to breathe. Had to trade out of a work shift today, so it's messing with my money too. When you play with my money, you play with my emotions. Mostly RAGE. Stupid slippery steps and torrential rainfall anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Food poisoning sucks to. And I haven't jammed with drummer in two weeks cuz of the back (and a bit of her changing work schedule, but I take the blame on the lack of jamz).

i've realized the crux of my dilemma...i have nothing in the world to live for other than taking care of my cat. i don't believe in my playing any more and basically never play unless called upon, e.g. by the Jam Lab here in C'ville. and my closest friends are four thousand miles away. I hate being alive and just want to curl up and die, and this is after spending all year changing dosages on my meds so i can feel a little bit better incrementally. so what do i do?

Party on, Wayne.

Party on, Garth.

so you're saying that maybe partying will help? problem: nobody to party with.

dubkitty wrote:i've realized the crux of my dilemma...i have nothing in the world to live for other than taking care of my cat. i don't believe in my playing any more and basically never play unless called upon, e.g. by the Jam Lab here in C'ville. and my closest friends are four thousand miles away. I hate being alive and just want to curl up and die, and this is after spending all year changing dosages on my meds so i can feel a little bit better incrementally. so what do i do?

Hug ur kittoom!

Pretty sure that's par for the course for many people w/ depression. Is for me. Helps to get out and be social, but I'm not all woot on that myself. Plenty of other good things to live for too; good food, awesome music, stupid movies, funny weirdos posting on fuzz pedal board, Thundarr the Barbarian cartoons, etc. I'm having a super shit week or two in a crap life, but am looking forward to Chorizo-Tilapia tacos tomorrow. 45 minutes of tomorrow could be awesome.

There's ALWAYS weirdos to party with. Find a show or call some of the jam dudes up and get a 40. Make an hour not suck, it's a start.

dubkitty wrote:so you're saying that maybe partying will help?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7C9RQiUdXc[/youtube]

dubkitty wrote:... problem: nobody to party with.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CR2rxRMcTE[/youtube]

I thought someone would get the reference

dubkitty wrote:i've realized the crux of my dilemma...i have nothing in the world to live for other than taking care of my cat. i don't believe in my playing any more and basically never play unless called upon, e.g. by the Jam Lab here in C'ville. and my closest friends are four thousand miles away. I hate being alive and just want to curl up and die, and this is after spending all year changing dosages on my meds so i can feel a little bit better incrementally. so what do i do?

First, I would research the meds you've tried, the ones you're on, and the ones you think you might switch to. There's a body of evidence/research out there that show that anti-depressants cause suicidal tendencies, and seem to actually make the problem worse. Look up COQ10 (co-enzyme Q10) cross-referenced with anti-depressants. I'm having trouble finding some reading on it (quickly) but some ADs deplete the brain of things like COQ10, leading to worse and worse conditions. I'll try and find the reference when I'm back at work this week.

Second, go read about oxytocin.
http://io9.com/5925206/10-reasons-why-o ... -the-world

The information might help you to go socialize a bit more, no matter how much you might not want to, which leads me to.. .

Third, I think you need to find ways to change your viewpoint on your situation. It really seems like you're looking at life like the best is already behind you, and it'll never get that good again. There's absolutely no reason it can't be wonderful again. The more you emphasize to yourself the shitty thoughts, the more they'll have "control." People in the worst states of mind and shittiest situations are often stubborn as fuck to change things, only because they've begun to identify their identities with the crappy circumstances they're surrounded by. It's one of the stupid things about our brains. Our identity is literally everything to us, and when things suck a lot, that seems to soak into our identity in one fashion or another. Different actions will produce different emotions in you. Learn which ones (no matter how small, like grindonomicon said about tacos, for instance) make you feel better, and avoid the ones that make you feel worse. Lastly, don't fall into the trap (or climb out of it) of thinking one particular thing or another will make you feel better. The more you rely on the presence of something for your happiness, the harder it'll be to get happier.

Edit: Oh, and get some exercise. Even if it's just a brisk walk or something. Hope something I said helped!

dubkitty wrote:so you're saying that maybe partying will help? problem: nobody to party with.

You have us. Internet party 24/7

Anyone that makes DK/Minutemen jokes can stand around the web, even if you're just shouting JOE MCCARTHY! JOE MCCARTHY!

my fucking computer shit itself
the worst part is i lost my entire degrees/5 years of work down the drain
i bought a new drive to start again and booted from my discs at 10.5.8 which is so old that nothing can even be installed anymore


WHY
WHY NOW...