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Jwar wrote:No. This has been the second hardest year of my life. The first being when my dad had cancer.!

I feel you man. It has been an objectively shite year for most of us I'd say, especially for people who has lost people. I have been relatively okay but also been outta work since september.

Hope next one will be better for you dude

Rough year. Sad year. Worst year.

But it could have been worse.

This video sums up ILF before COVID to COVID to now.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIYT8vRK0FE[/youtube]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIYT8vRK0FE

Does Beck sing with his tongue stuck to his upper palate? It never occurred to me he might sound like that live.

I haven't had a lot of time at a computer since Covid came to town so I haven't been as active here as I'd like.
I've enjoyed seeing the flourishing of some top shelf lunatics, though.

it's been horrible for me. the majority of my human contact was with coworkers, so the isolation has been searing my soul. it's also put a lot of pressure on my relationship as well; with a disabled partner your choices of activities are already limited, and when literally everything is closed it's 10 times worse. literally the only people i ever see are Becky, her family, and random clerks and gas-station attendants. if this ever ends i must find some way to get to play with folks so i don't die with $10K of equipment that never did anything but jerk me off.

Even with my family around, even with a renewed faith in Satanism, even with a poppin CD release,

I still had several of the worst panic attacks I've ever had.

Before all this started, shit was going great. I had just gotten married a few months out from me and MrsPudding's 9 year anniversary, my band was going full steam. We were about to finish up our debut EP, film and release a music video and then tour. I've wanted to fucking tour ever since I learned what it was, and now I was finally gonna get that chance. I was finally gonna feel as legit as the musicians I look up too.

Then covid happened and all those plans got pushed back, with touring being indefinitely cancelled.

It felt like I was being given a glimpse of promise and good for once in my life, and then had it snatched away from me at the last second. The sudden changed echoed a lot of past trauma for me, and with the addition of my therapist not being available for video conferences started a chain of several panic attacks along with just generally living in a weed fueled haze.

Most of this year was me straight up staring into the void and wondering if it was going to consume me completely this time. There was a few points there I became ok with that.

Its gotten easier as time has gone on as I've learned to adapt with my situation. My living expenses are for the most part taken care of, between my wife's and my pay we both are able to afford rent. Since we live with her family, we don't have to worry about food. I'm not coping as much with weed anymore, so I'm able to be more present with my wife and son. Me and the missus spend a lot of time just vibing to music, and streaming has been great for us all to have something to chill too. Me and my boy have also gotten on that Fortnite grind, so its great to have something to do with him that we can both relate too. The release of my bands EP and the accompanying music video was a nice distraction, with the following PR work im doing now being a nice follow up thing to keep me distracted.

The mental breakdowns I suffered also forced me to look in the mirror and take a long look at myself. I confronted past trauma directly, and while its not going anywhere probably ever I at least feel like I've got it under my heel. That has also brought with it newfound confidence I didn't have before thats let me do things like wear makeup, something I was too scared to do before.

So i dunno. I wouldn't say im ok. I don't think anyone is right now really. But I can say I'm surviving, and that survival has made me a different person. I am weak, but I am strong too.

I think for most, 2020 has been a shitstorm start to finish due to Covid and everything else, personal and just world related. It's nice to unwind a little at night on ILF.

Absolutely. Its been so nice to be back on here more regularly. Definitely will be sticking around more even post rona.

It's been nice to come home to a buncha new posts in General. Sometimes it's pretty quiet and then I'm sad.