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Bad googling.

One of the girls at work is getting beat on by her deadshit husband.
I'd go around there and feed his head to the insinkerator, but I need to get a blue card so I can get work and retain my current yellow card (and subsequent employment).
I guess best I can do is offer her a place for her and her daughter to stay with my family.....


...but what's truly enraging is I don't think she's gonna walk out on him.
WHY THE FUCK ARE THESE ASSHOLES GETTING MARRIED?! WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE KIDS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE WOMEN!?
FUCKING RAAAAAAAAAAGE!

Iommic Pope wrote:One of the girls at work is getting beat on by her deadshit husband.
I'd go around there and feed his head to the insinkerator, but I need to get a blue card so I can get work and retain my current yellow card (and subsequent employment).
I guess best I can do is offer her a place for her and her daughter to stay with my family.....


...but what's truly enraging is I don't think she's gonna walk out on him.
WHY THE FUCK ARE THESE ASSHOLES GETTING MARRIED?! WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE KIDS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE WOMEN!?
FUCKING RAAAAAAAAAAGE!

Girl I work with is going through a similar situation, it's so worrisome. But don't blame the victim, getting out of those relationships psychologically is way harder than it appears? No sense in victim blaming, the focus should solely be on the piece of human garbage that is her husband. Maybe direct her to some resources for people in unhealthy relationships if there are any in your area.

DuoSonicII wrote:Sometimes when you go through really tough shit in your life, you have to kind of restart in safe mode for a while. You're not going to have the power to do everything that you feel like you should, but you have to be patient with yourself. It sure beats the whole floating/listless thing.

that's kind of the conclusion I've come to. if I try to make myself go out I just get panicky, but when I do something naturally it makes me happy. things are so complicated for me by the truck being out of commission that it isn't even funny. i'm going to have to take a taxi home from the food store, for example.

Wes Mantooth wrote:

Iommic Pope wrote:One of the girls at work is getting beat on by her deadshit husband.
I'd go around there and feed his head to the insinkerator, but I need to get a blue card so I can get work and retain my current yellow card (and subsequent employment).
I guess best I can do is offer her a place for her and her daughter to stay with my family.....


...but what's truly enraging is I don't think she's gonna walk out on him.
WHY THE FUCK ARE THESE ASSHOLES GETTING MARRIED?! WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE KIDS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE WOMEN!?
FUCKING RAAAAAAAAAAGE!

Girl I work with is going through a similar situation, it's so worrisome. But don't blame the victim, getting out of those relationships psychologically is way harder than it appears? No sense in victim blaming, the focus should solely be on the piece of human garbage that is her husband. Maybe direct her to some resources for people in unhealthy relationships if there are any in your area.

This is very very important! Getting abused like that can really fuck with your head and it's not necessarily easy to see it as clearly as outside observers, or to leave, both because it's confusing and also on the practical end the abuser could be fucking psychos who could carry through death threats and seriously fuck up your life even if you leave them.



On a much more petty note, my fucking flatmate went away for a few days, and he took the bottle opener with him. Knowingly. Because he wanted a beer on the train.

Seriously dude what the fuck? And when I rang him to ask where it was (after searching in his bomb-site room for a bit and getting skeeved out) he thought this was perfectly rational and a valid defence. Didn't apologise or anything. I like the guy generally and he's not terrible to live with 90% of the time but then he's lazy and selfish and incredibly defensive the moment you suggest that something he did might not have been the best possible course of action.

Drawer handles make for good bottle openers.

monkeydancer wrote:

Wes Mantooth wrote:

Iommic Pope wrote:One of the girls at work is getting beat on by her deadshit husband.
I'd go around there and feed his head to the insinkerator, but I need to get a blue card so I can get work and retain my current yellow card (and subsequent employment).
I guess best I can do is offer her a place for her and her daughter to stay with my family.....


...but what's truly enraging is I don't think she's gonna walk out on him.
WHY THE FUCK ARE THESE ASSHOLES GETTING MARRIED?! WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE KIDS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE WOMEN!?
FUCKING RAAAAAAAAAAGE!

Girl I work with is going through a similar situation, it's so worrisome. But don't blame the victim, getting out of those relationships psychologically is way harder than it appears? No sense in victim blaming, the focus should solely be on the piece of human garbage that is her husband. Maybe direct her to some resources for people in unhealthy relationships if there are any in your area.

This is very very important! Getting abused like that can really fuck with your head and it's not necessarily easy to see it as clearly as outside observers, or to leave, both because it's confusing and also on the practical end the abuser could be fucking psychos who could carry through death threats and seriously fuck up your life even if you leave them.

Yeah, I know, from what she told me yesterday this guy is a textbook case of control freak. Cycles of abuse then apologise/rectify, then back to abuse.
It's certainly done a number on her head, and I'd never blame the victim (as I said, she has a baby girl to him, she's just worried about what the the consequences of leaving would do to enrage him and jeapordise her baby's safety). I guess I still get annoyed that she's a smart an independent woman and she could totally go it on her own (again, not understating how hard that is. Personally, I'd never cop as a single parent), but again, that's typical in these scenarios as well.
I used to work in a rehab service, I've seen all this before. People need to accept help first, and I don't think she's moved past the point of realising she doesn't actually love this guy and their whole relationship[ is a mistake. Throw a kid into the mix and shit just gets crazy.

monkeydancer wrote: On a much more petty note, my fucking flatmate went away for a few days, and he took the bottle opener with him. Knowingly. Because he wanted a beer on the train.

Seriously dude what the fuck? And when I rang him to ask where it was (after searching in his bomb-site room for a bit and getting skeeved out) he thought this was perfectly rational and a valid defence. Didn't apologise or anything. I like the guy generally and he's not terrible to live with 90% of the time but then he's lazy and selfish and incredibly defensive the moment you suggest that something he did might not have been the best possible course of action.

Don't have a brofight over a bottle opener.

Any sturdy, handheld object 3"-7" long with a square edge can be a bottle opener, specifically full-sized Bic lighters.

Simple think back to 2nd grade, when you learned about simple machines.


The load is the effort needed to remove the bottle-cap, the bar your object, and the fulcrum is your finger/knuckle. Following this it's just important to place your fulcrum high on the bottle and hold it steady to resist the downward force on your object redirecting it upwards.

I've used this principle more than any other scientific teaching through my adult life so far.

dubkitty wrote:

DuoSonicII wrote:Sometimes when you go through really tough shit in your life, you have to kind of restart in safe mode for a while. You're not going to have the power to do everything that you feel like you should, but you have to be patient with yourself. It sure beats the whole floating/listless thing.

that's kind of the conclusion I've come to. if I try to make myself go out I just get panicky, but when I do something naturally it makes me happy. things are so complicated for me by the truck being out of commission that it isn't even funny. i'm going to have to take a taxi home from the food store, for example.

There you go, dude.

Been there on the vehicle thing too - I was without a car for three months back in the fall, and I live out in the country. Had to hitch rides or call cabs just to get groceries, take the Greyhound to see my girlfriend (she lives an hour away), and so on. It's a real hassle, and it definitely slowed down my job-hunting and other progress...but again, it's just a little hurdle in the grand scheme of things. Keep plugging away at the job, get money to fix/upgrade your ride. For the win.

Iommic Pope wrote:Don't have a brofight over a bottle opener.

They're $1 each all day err-day on this side of the pond. I have bunches so I never have to dig too hard for one. A worthwhile investment if there ever was one.

For a couple more bucks, you can grab one of these online:

Fits right on your keychain, works like a charm, and you never have to dig for an opener again.

Or, fucking table/counter/whatever edge you can find. Just, fuggin slam it down on there.

Or, if you really want that beer, you'll break the bottle neck and pour that shit into a glass.

I'm glad I stopped drinking so much, now that I think about it.

snipelfritz wrote:Any sturdy, handheld object 3"-7" long

I'll show you a sturdy handheld object

Iommic Pope wrote:
Yeah, I know, from what she told me yesterday this guy is a textbook case of control freak. Cycles of abuse then apologise/rectify, then back to abuse.
It's certainly done a number on her head, and I'd never blame the victim (as I said, she has a baby girl to him, she's just worried about what the the consequences of leaving would do to enrage him and jeapordise her baby's safety). I guess I still get annoyed that she's a smart an independent woman and she could totally go it on her own (again, not understating how hard that is. Personally, I'd never cop as a single parent), but again, that's typical in these scenarios as well.
I used to work in a rehab service, I've seen all this before. People need to accept help first, and I don't think she's moved past the point of realising she doesn't actually love this guy and their whole relationship[ is a mistake. Throw a kid into the mix and shit just gets crazy.

Yeah I totally see where you're coming from, it's frustrating really. With a kid that's even worse

I hope someway through all the shit she's going through she finds and accepts the help she needs. And hopefully that guy gets locked up for a long time, or at least until he is rehabilitated as someone who isn't a piece of shit.