ilovefuzz.com

Yeah, it was dumb. At least the band after me were nice. They did play like 5 times louder, though. I should've just turned my amp up and let that one guy whine about it. While I was drinking my wine I got to experience the joy of watching all the worst hipsters of the art scene do whatever it is they do.

Lessons learned:
-Show up on time. That way I at least could've done a proper sound check.
-Play so people can hear what I'm playing, otherwise what's the point?
-Play at a show where the audience is actually there to check out the music
-Don't play events like first friday (unless I plan on being purposely abrasive to get back at them, but meh...)

Also my stomach has been super fucked up all day. First I was nauseous, then I had to run to the bathroom all evening. At least that didn't ruin my "set."

Dumb.

I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get my voice back.

snipelfritz wrote:I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get my voice back.

Maybe you'll never get YOUR voice back?
Maybe you're getting Freddie Mercury's voice instead?

MEC wrote:

snipelfritz wrote:I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get my voice back.

Maybe you'll never get YOUR voice back?
Maybe you're getting Freddie Mercury's voice instead?

Oh please!

I thought my voice was getting better all day. Now I can only talk at about a whisper except I'm not whispering, I'm actually trying to talk at a normal or louder level.

Since when are those vista series squier super-sonics so damn expensive??!!??

I've been looking for one for ages and one finally popped up locally but the dude reckons its worth about $1000 or more

Mild irritation: I feel like I miiiight have missed the boat on a fun relationship with someone.... Maybe. Whatever.

Engineering school is hard

i just can't get myself to care about anything other than dealing with my job. it's not that i'm in love with the job, it's that it's the only thing i can focus on. i haven't hardly even unpacked, and spent all weekend hiding under the covers again. if it wasn't for my cat i would be entirely alone. and my truck's fucked up so i can't just go off exploring. the way i feel today i might never play again. somewhere in there when i was surviving i forgot how to live.

dubkitty wrote:i just can't get myself to care about anything other than dealing with my job. it's not that i'm in love with the job, it's that it's the only thing i can focus on. i haven't hardly even unpacked, and spent all weekend hiding under the covers again. if it wasn't for my cat i would be entirely alone. and my truck's fucked up so i can't just go off exploring. the way i feel today i might never play again. somewhere in there when i was surviving i forgot how to live.

Having a job that sounds like you're good at (and maybe even enjoy?) is good because it can instill a sense of purpose after having that "floating in the fucking ocean" feeling. I was jobless for a year once, and just getting a job was enough to feel like things were going to get back on track. Think about it this way: you've had all that time to let yourself develop the "habit" of hiding from life because it sucked. Now, you have a job and a place to call your own (right?) and that means that your future has a lot of potential again. So, back to the "habit." The only way to break that pattern is literally just to stop doing it. You still have all your gear, and just pulling it out and playing it will probably do you a lot of good. I'm not you, and thus can't see the world the way you do, but I've had similar experiences. In fact I have them weekly. I don't want to do anything. But if I just tell myself to knock it off and pick up something (art stuff, my guitar, even just a computer game) it helps to break away from that.

Think of your mental energy or your focus like a water main. If you channel it into the shitty pipes, you feel shitty, but if you channel some of it into the "playing guitar and having fun" pipes, well, there's still the same amount of water coming from the main, but now not as much is going into the shitty pipes. Make sense? Hope that helps some.

Dubs go find a hot granny with some xanax. Then knock happy boots. That is your mission, should you choose to accept it. I'd also advise you to film and then sell said film to help pay the rent.

gunslinger_burrito wrote:

dubkitty wrote:i just can't get myself to care about anything other than dealing with my job. it's not that i'm in love with the job, it's that it's the only thing i can focus on. i haven't hardly even unpacked, and spent all weekend hiding under the covers again. if it wasn't for my cat i would be entirely alone. and my truck's fucked up so i can't just go off exploring. the way i feel today i might never play again. somewhere in there when i was surviving i forgot how to live.

Having a job that sounds like you're good at (and maybe even enjoy?) is good because it can instill a sense of purpose after having that "floating in the fucking ocean" feeling. I was jobless for a year once, and just getting a job was enough to feel like things were going to get back on track.

I was out of work for the better part of three years myself. It's really easy to get frustrated with your lack of progress when you're digging yourself out of that kind of a hole...but getting and holding a steady job after that kind of layoff is a HUGE step. Be sure to give yourself credit for that. You'll continue to regain more physical, mental, and emotional energy as you go, and that will allow you to get more stuff done at home, and have more energy for fun pursuits like music.

Sometimes when you go through really tough shit in your life, you have to kind of restart in safe mode for a while. You're not going to have the power to do everything that you feel like you should, but you have to be patient with yourself. It sure beats the whole floating/listless thing.

Hang in there.

Got surgery for a pilonidal cyst (sinus actually, what forms after you've had the cyst for too long) 2 days ago.

So far this has been the one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. Post surgery the resulting wound has to be left open to heal from the inside out, if it's stitched there is a higher chance of it reforming not to mention very easy to tear the stitches if you're not careful. My wound stretches from the top of my ass crack to an inch or so to the left of my asshole. I have to change the dressing 3 times a day, which entails me seeing right into my cheeks, which I'd describe as looking like cherry pie, so thats pretty metal. And of course taking a shit is the worst thing in the world, in addition I have to hop into the shower after every movement. Full recovery takes about a month, so I'm stuck in my apartment until then for the most part.

...and it hurts to step on pedals

I hated Season 1 and 2 of The Walking Dead, I also really dislike Zombies and everything about that shit. But I actually liked Season 3 and 4 of the show.









Until:

Never have I wanted to harm a Child more than I do right now.
"Caaaaaarrrl"

wsas3 wrote:Engineering school is hard

Yes, but it'll pay off.