ilovefuzz.com

jfrey wrote:Having a really tough time with the job search.

Here here.

snipelfritz wrote:Naw, its actually a pretty normal thing for me.

I'm right there with you.

About once every week or two I'll take three large shits before noon. It's stupid.


On an unrelated note, I'm having a real hard time caring about school and I only have a year left. I have no idea what to do once I graduate

All I do when I'm done with class or work is play video games or guitar and then smoke pot and pass out.I'm even in a rut with my guitar playing/noise making.

How do I get my motivation back?

This woman makes me die

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AS6rQtiEh8[/youtube]

So much hate for myself right now. I'm pretty sure I just did awful on an exam. I was working my way through it alright when about halfway through I had to pee. I'd already gone through half the test, but I still had two problems involving complex and repeating eigenvalues, and one application problem on mechanical vibration. I might've been able to work everything out ok if I could have left to use the bathroom. FUCK. ME.

Just competed in a carpentry competition.
We were lacking proper tools and got started an hour late, so yeah.
Trouble is I know I can do better, and that's what is bothering me.

D.o.S. wrote:

jfrey wrote:Having a really tough time with the job search.

Here here.

likewise. i'm getting to the point where i'm thinking of trying for a low-level thing outside my field, office stuff or retail or summat just to get out of the house.

My mouth is full of pain and my pain meds aren't strong enough and I just want to tear my teeth out and punch things

foomanfat wrote:My mouth is full of pain and my pain meds aren't strong enough and I just want to tear my teeth out and punch things

I know this pain. Try to find something to take your mind off it. I try watching tv and playing a video game at the same time. Usually between the two I can't focus on much else.

Bassboar wrote:Just competed in a carpentry competition.
We were lacking proper tools and got started an hour late, so yeah.
Trouble is I know I can do better, and that's what is bothering me.

It's prolly a good thing to be bothered when you haven't done yr best on something, though. It means you aren't about half-assing it.
Similarly, my morale takes a sharp drop downward when I feel like I'm not doing as good a job as I can. Within reason.
Like when I was working at a restaurant...man, the food was so mediocre. I only had a certain level of control over it, but it still felt wrong to turn out that kinda product.

i've had a lovely day. the DiskWarrior update i ordered for the laptop won't start the computer from the boot disc. i wan't to shoot my cousin bexause he NEVER SHUTS UP and is always hating--and i mean really HATING--on something that's gotten on the wrong side of his mental dialectic. while doing work search stuff i wound up looking at CareerBuilder, where my old site preferences served up a batch of Bay Area jobs i can't qualify for just to give me a burst of depressive nostalgia. and then to cap it all off, i went onto LinkedIn for the first time in months. they have an expanded People You Might Know section, and as i paged through them one of them was my second wife. the love of my life. the person whose loss basically ended my faith in life and love, since whom the sunrise is just an annoying bright thing in the sky. and she's still adorable, still wearing the longer hairstyle i talked her into when the punk cut wasn't working for her any more. i want to die. my yappy cousin can take care of the cat. fuck it.

Take a listen to Loveless, breathe in, and breathe out. Repeat as needed. Bask in the Shields.

So my Grandpa is dying. Soon. He has cancer, in his lungs and maybe his brain. He is 81, he was an Iron Worker for 50 years, so that is really old for those rough living SOBs. He worked with asbestos and smoked for a long time.
He taught me so much about working with my hands, about being a man. I always think about something he told me when school gets hard, "You gotta be tough if you want to be dumb son". I was an Iron Worker for 7 years or so and now I am about a year away from graduating with a Bachelors from UF. I wish Papa was going to make it to my wedding this fall and my graduation next year.
I spent today at the VA hospital with him. After I left it really hit me. I AM REALLY SAD.

fuckin real men right there^
both of you
hang in there kid
i was gonna complain about my gurgling stomach
after reading that it stopped

That's rough Deltapheonix. I wish I had gotten to know my Grandfathers, they both died before I was born. Survived the war and then died of a heart attack and stroke respectively.

I've had a pretty rough two weeks myself although it's totally my own fault. I got a really nasty throat infection over Easter and because I was sleeping so much I got out of the habit of taking my depression meds. It's not something I have done before, usually I'm pretty diligent, and holy shit was I unprepared. Within three days I was generally rolling around in emotional razor wire, going through a major bout of insomnia and contemplating ruining every decent thing I've done for myself since I started taking the damn things. I also had a bunch of major assignments due for uni and historically when I get into this sort of rut I just say "fuck it" and fail the whole semester. However, I managed to surprise myself by actually getting it all done and it took my mind of things for a bit. I was designing and coding a basic website (something I haven't done for a while) and found myself quite enjoying it. I really liked getting into the minutia of everything and slowly tweaking stuff and being totally OCD until it comes out good. It was a big deal (for me anyways) because I feel like it means I have at least made a bit of progress. Good thing it wasn't an essay though. I would have been fucked.
All the same it's not something that I want to repeat any time soon and I'm only just starting to get back to normal now.

Shit yeah, I wish I would've known my granddad. Even more if he'd be able to teach me how to be a real, steelworking-type man. But they both died before I was born. At least I had decent time with my grandmothers who were both awesome.