ilovefuzz.com

actualidiot wrote:Can we share our experiences with fecal matter on dicks now? ie. how to prevent it, what to do in the situation, how to mentally prepare yourself emotionally, etc.

Different girlfriend but once, when staying over at her house, I wiped my butt as effectively as Belarus runs their country. After hours of sex...her sheets were a disaster. It was like a WHITEHOUSE song.

Another time and yet another girlfriend, her jugs were bouncing in a circular symmetric way. I thought it would be prudent to have both jugs "clap" against each other. One was the 'carrier' the other was 'the modulator'. She was not pleased. I realized that day I may very well be "on the spectrum". I'm usually what girls refer to as "their mistake" (to be clear, a consensual one).

Although of all the sex stories, it's the non-sex stories that show my ineptitude as a human. Had a lady friend over to watch DEADWOOD. Years later I realized....she did NOT want to watch DEADWOOD.

$harkToootth wrote:Years later I realized....she did NOT want to watch DEADWOOD.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAKfzns41Z4[/youtube]

This thread has so much gold. Too many things to quote in one post!

popvulture wrote:Oh god, I can commiserate on that one. I had pain in one of my balls recently that of course freaked me the fuck out. Doc had me get an ultrasound just to be safe, but turns out it was just from a pulled muscle.
Dear bodies: stop being such cruel fuckers and leave the nads out of your tangled web of deceit...

Achtane wrote:I too had a ball ultrasound once. It was really interesting to watch. The lady doing it told me that in school, they trained their accuracy by using a toy horse immersed in gel. Which they stuffed up their butts. Just kidding. Am I?

Yea having an ultrasound done on my junk was a first for me, haha. I of course had an attractive nurse doing it too, which would have been nice had I not been shriveled up like a slug doused in salt. At least there was no worry about getting an erection. Twas a pretty awkward several minutes. About half way through I said, "Well, I don't hear any heart beats, so that's a good sign right?" to which she actually laughed. Then I pushed my luck with a, "Usually I gotta buy the girl dinner first."

$harkToootth wrote:I thought it would be prudent to have both jugs "clap" against each other. One was the 'carrier' the other was 'the modulator'. She was not pleased. I realized that day I may very well be "on the spectrum". I'm usually what girls refer to as "their mistake" (to be clear, a consensual one).

Killing it once again. Thread highlight for me.

+1

Hey kids....feel your balls....so you dont get cancer.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WpY2lxVovA[/youtube]

....and remember to masturbate everyday. ...and rub your balls while masturbating...

I prefer the "start the lawnmower" technique when removing anal beads.

JonnyAngle wrote:I prefer the "start the lawnmower" technique when removing anal beads.

Appreciate the advice, thank you.

JonnyAngle wrote:I prefer the "start the lawnmower" technique when removing anal beads.

Once you pop...

stick a string of popcorn down the hershey highway and slowly pull out to hear the delicious pop pop pop.

actualidiot wrote:

JonnyAngle wrote:I prefer the "start the lawnmower" technique when removing anal beads.

Appreciate the advice, thank you.

Be sure to dump out beforehand.

JonnyAngle wrote:

actualidiot wrote:

JonnyAngle wrote:I prefer the "start the lawnmower" technique when removing anal beads.

Appreciate the advice, thank you.

Be sure to dump out beforehand.

Wait, me or her?

JonnyAngle wrote:

actualidiot wrote:

JonnyAngle wrote:I prefer the "start the lawnmower" technique when removing anal beads.

Appreciate the advice, thank you.

Be sure to dump out beforehand.

Yeah or wear an apron and goggles to avoid that back splatter.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCaKQdLl_K8[/youtube]

actualidiot wrote:

JonnyAngle wrote:

actualidiot wrote:

JonnyAngle wrote:I prefer the "start the lawnmower" technique when removing anal beads.

Appreciate the advice, thank you.

Be sure to dump out beforehand.

Wait, me or her?

The lawnmower