The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

[Chankgeez]

Lately I just want to die. I have nothing and I hate myself.

Hang in there, buddy. Life can be a stupid fucking rollercoaster and sometimes all we can do is hang on. A reason to be will present itself shortly.

You have ILF. ILF has you.

[01010111]

Lately I just want to die. I have nothing and I hate myself.

Hang in there, buddy. Life can be a stupid fucking rollercoaster and sometimes all we can do is hang on. A reason to be will present itself shortly.

You have ILF. ILF has you.

[skullservant]

[dubkitty]

Lately I just want to die. I have nothing and I hate myself.

[D.o.S.]

Well me too, then.

[Achtane]

Stay strong, ILFbros.
You're on ILF, so you're one of a kind. This automatically makes you worth at least 15 or 16 shitheads. Too valuable to die.
Listen, make a joke of it if you have to. Lately my thing has been "I'd blow my brains out, but I can't afford the ammo."
HA HAAAAAAAAAthat'snotfunnyIwouldn'treallydothat
Just think of it as playing on the European Extreme difficulty of Metal Gear Solid 2. It's a real pain in the ass when the Gurlukovich soldiers spot you, but there are also euphoric times, like when you're crossing that hanging wire above all the marines because you upgraded your pull-up skill.

[jfrey]

I hate how every night it eventually gets to the point when I am the only person I know that's awake.

[01010111]

Stay strong, ILFbros.
You're on ILF, so you're one of a kind. This automatically makes you worth at least 15 or 16 shitheads. Too valuable to die.
Listen, make a joke of it if you have to. Lately my thing has been "I'd blow my brains out, but I can't afford the ammo."
HA HAAAAAAAAAthat'snotfunnyIwouldn'treallydothat
Just think of it as playing on the European Extreme difficulty of Metal Gear Solid 2. It's a real pain in the ass when the Gurlukovich soldiers spot you, but there are also euphoric times, like when you're crossing that hanging wire above all the marines because you upgraded your pull-up skill.

Thanks

I think I've gotten to the point where I need professional help. fuck. I KNOW I'm to the point where I need professional help. I've made some calls, so, hopefully I'll be able to get some help soon.

It bothers me the most that I'm not able to control and focus myself like I used to. I used to be able to turn this, for lack of a better term, death lust into a motivator to push myself and even calm myself down. This death lust is something I've dealt with for years, I attributed it to being in Utah, but now that I'm no longer there I've realized it wasn't the place it was me (in hindsight this is stupidly obvious). So, it's high-time I started dealing with this problem!

[D.o.S.]

My paycheck is about 80% short of what it should be.

This is not awesome.

[spacelordmother]

People on Craigslist who are "SUPER INTERESTED! AWESOME YES AWESOME!" and then try to low-ball you, and then when you don't take it they start quoting deals on ebay that might come up once every six months. Eff.

[gunslinger_burrito]

I just spent the better part of my afternoon and night off trying to think of another line of work and it only made me more bummed out. The job I have takes FAR too much energy away from me. I can't see how I'm going to have the energy and focus to get anywhere with something outside of it. I don't even have enough focus to do the things I care about. I tried drawing and when that started to go sour (because I can barely think straight), I actually kind of freaked out and crumpled the drawing and threw it across the room

[dubkitty]

I think I've gotten to the point where I need professional help. fuck. I KNOW I'm to the point where I need professional help. I've made some calls, so, hopefully I'll be able to get some help soon.

this is a Good Thing. one positive aspect of my current situation is that for the first time in years i have insurance and so can afford to see a real psychiatrist and try different things with my meds (i've been going on the meds i was prescribed in California since summer of 2012) and i'll start seeing a therapist this week, which i need desperately. i have to find some way out of the emotional space i'm stuck in. i'm tired of crying every day because i miss home and hate myself for losing that life.

[01010111]

I think I've gotten to the point where I need professional help. fuck. I KNOW I'm to the point where I need professional help. I've made some calls, so, hopefully I'll be able to get some help soon.

this is a Good Thing. one positive aspect of my current situation is that for the first time in years i have insurance and so can afford to see a real psychiatrist and try different things with my meds (i've been going on the meds i was prescribed in California since summer of 2012) and i'll start seeing a therapist this week, which i need desperately. i have to find some way out of the emotional space i'm stuck in. i'm tired of crying every day because i miss home and hate myself for losing that life.

Yeah, I'm definitely anxious to start some kind of treatment. I'm jealous of your insurance situation. With no insurance I'm stuck with trying to get into the university's psychology clinic. Going to the university means I'm going to be filmed, recorded, and used to evaluate masters and phd students..... It's better than nothing, though

[dubkitty]

well, my psychiatry is coming from the local University, so i'm a test subject

[01010111]

I agreed to experimental testing and treatment, so I guess I'm a test subject too