The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

[dubkitty]

right, i totally understand this.

the total despair, fuck-i'm-55-and-my-life's-over thing hit today full force. my dear old friend Feather, who i've known since i was 14 and who's been calling me every day, told me i can come stay with her and her husband if i don't have anywhere else to go. which would be ironic because i was sleeping in the carport while they were in the garage when i first came to California thirty years ago.

[snipelfritz]

I haven't been able to think about anything but guitar the last couple days, but I can rarely ever play.

[dubkitty]

i haven't even picked up a guitar in the last week. i've been so confused and unhappy that i just haven't been up for it. i don't know whether to shit or go blind. i've got a couple of necessary-to-survive things i have to do tomorrow, and then i may just fall apart for a couple of days.

[alexa.]

I think I know what you mean. Eventually you get "comfortable" being in one state, even if it's unpleasant or unsatisfying. Maybe "you get used to" is better.

Yeah, that sounds terrible. I quite like my moderate mania, I just needed to get rid of the severe anxiety, which was fuckin' my days up. The rounded highs and lows feeling sucks donkey balls.

yeah, that's actually the reason I turned to meditation and working on myself. helped a lot, and I'm still allowed to be my ordinary psycho self.
I love my psycho self. life would be so boring if I weren't mad

today seems to be going in an really awkward direction. not sure if I like it. one of those post-apocalypse type of days.
don't you hate it when you're actually great but you're picking up emotions from the people around you that are fucked?

[dubkitty]

what gets me is when i'm pursuing the only positive alternatives i can see and people are all "what the fuck are you doing?" well, i'm doing the only things i CAN do other than going mad or dying, that's all. thanks for your HELP. :eyeroll:

[jfrey]

I'm starting to seriously consider that I may have some sort of personality disorder. It's becoming more and more apparent that I don't have a point of reference for a lot of things that are just normal for other people.

[alexa.]

I'm starting to seriously consider that I may have some sort of personality disorder. It's becoming more and more apparent that I don't have a point of reference for a lot of things that are just normal for other people.

what exactly do you mean?

[jfrey]

I'm starting to seriously consider that I may have some sort of personality disorder. It's becoming more and more apparent that I don't have a point of reference for a lot of things that are just normal for other people.

what exactly do you mean?

Text put in NSFW tag simply to conserve space.

NSFW: show

Things that seem so important to most people, don't even register to me.

For example, trust. I neither trust nor distrust anyone, I feel no need for either, nor do I understand really why it's something that's important to people.

Also, loyalty. And, it's not just that I don't feel - what most people I think would consider - loyalty, but the idea of it seems insane to me. I wouldn't back someone if they're wrong. I'll back someone to the ends of the Earth if they're right, but I can't understand why a person would do that regardless of whether they are wrong or right.

I don't miss people or things either. I anticipate seeing them again, so there is a positive emotion associated with ending separation, but I don't have the corresponding negative emotion of "missing".

I don't experience any group feelings. I have no sense of nationalism, or race, or anything like that (that doesn't mean I'm anti-anything, nor do I feel outside these groups, I just don't have any feelings of being or not being part of a group, just neutral I guess). Nor do I understand why a person would or should have those feelings. I don't get offended by insults against any group I am a part of. If a person insults America, it doesn't offend me or make me angry - if the person is right, then they're right, if they're wrong then they're wrong. The same thing goes for closer groups, like family. I love my family, but if someone were to insult my family it wouldn't cause me to feel anything, nor do I understand why it should.

I have an almost total disconnect between the ideas of good or bad and like or dislike. With anyone I have ever talked to, if they like something then they think it's good, and if they dislike something then they think it's bad. For me though, it goes in the opposite direction. If something is good then I like it, and if something is bad then I dislike it, although I can like something that is bad if it resonates with me personally, or dislike something that is good if it resonates in a negative way with me personally. The ideas of good or bad, and like or dislike for the most part exist in totally separate universes to me though, even though they tend to line up more often than not.

I can also easily change my personality. Take for example an idea like an addictive personality. My girlfriend and I both had them, and for a few years we were both heavy smokers. When we quit, she had to quit smoking by essentially fighting against that personality until she had quit, and it was a huge struggle, and that personality is still there. But for me - and language fails here - I just "edited" out those parts of my personality, and then I didn't have any need to smoke anymore.

I could keep going with things, but that's enough I think.

[alexa.]

Well you're pretty normal by my standards.

[IEatCats]

I can't find anyone to help me fix my fucking computer. I just need a second pc, for about 20 minutes. :l

[kbit]

You know, I was getting to the point where I was starting to respect pop music a little bit, but this just ruined everything.
& I just mean the song; I haven't watched the video, though I'm sure it wouldn't change anything.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9fToekkUJg[/youtube]

[wsas3]

I work 5 days a week now, so with school my days start from 6 AM and end at 9:30 PM.

[wsas3]

AND MY AMP HAS BEEN BROKEN FOR TWO MONTHS AND I KEEP SETTING ASIDE MONEY TO FIX IT BUT I BUY PEDALS THAT I CANNOT USE BECAUSE THE GOOD DAMN AMP IS BROKEN. CAPS LOCK FOR EMPHASIS.

[IEatCats]

Apparently, I don't have a single damn friend who likes seeing me when I'm not just there.

It doesn't surprise me, because I'm a reckloose, but it sucks having that realization. Maybe there's an exception or two, but they're busy/out of town/unable to chill.

Kate is also an obvious exception.

[Achtane]

Oh shit, I have two online tests due tomorrow that I totally forgot about.
I only took these classes because I had to make it full tiiimmmmeeee
Fuuuuck accountiiiing