The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

[echorec]

Money has been stressing me. After all my bills go through I have about $20 left to myself for emergencies. All I can think about is if my current living situation wasnt what it is right now, I would be back with my parents or homeless.

My sister made me homeless once (sort of)...she promised me a lake house for the winter (rent-free). Then she evicted me, before I unpacked the first box, because she felt I was going to ruin her vacation home (that she never visited). I had to move in with my parents, because my landlord had just gone out of the country, and I couldn't return to my old place. I fucking hate family.

[Jwar]

In other news, it is April and winter hasn't let up for more than a day or two in Wisconsin. We have well over a foot of fresh snow. It is cold and grey and wet here. We haven't had one single day where the temp was over 55 degrees. It is really wearing on me.

Why do we live here?!?

Please switch with me.
All I want is to live somewhere that's basically tundra for most of the year.

yeah...no. I am not interested in moving to Ohio. Sorry man. lol.

I want out of the midwest.

You and me both. God.


Speaking of hate/rage/irritation.

Why is it that no matter what age I am, I seek approval from my parents? I'm about to be fucking 36, and yet I still seem to hold some kind of value in what they say or think of me. I've allowed them a window into my life so much so that they feel like they can just talk to me in anyway they want.

I spoke on Discord to some about this yesterday but I'm still pissed, especially after my dad's text this morning.

I decided I wanted to try a different church. I haven't been going to church for almost a year now. I thought my parents would be happy but NOPE, they tell me "we'll pray for you" because it's not a Catholic church? Pray for me? Like it's a fucking attack. Like praying for me is a way of saying "you're fucking up son". I say, whatever and hang up. My dad proceeds to call me for two days going on and on with scripture and actually brings a binder full of fucking print outs on why the Catholic church is the right church to my home. Two days. I can't get a word in inch wise.

The next day is my daughter's birthday (13). She asks my dad to go to dinner with us, which he says ok but he has to talk to my mom. Well, the time rolls around to go and he texts me to tell her he can't go now because my sister has randomly shown up at their house. My daughter is upset, and I let them know. So he tells me he can't be two places at once and it's not his fault. I tell him that he's made his choice that's fine.

Again, the following day I get a call from my brother. Who I tell him what a douche my dad has been. He's understanding, because he knows how my dad is. Then my dad calls him. They talk, my brother calls me back and asks me if I'm acting the way I am because I started new meds (which I did 3 weeks ago). My answer is simple "fuck you" and a hang up.

My brother texts me nasty shit, I tell him to watch what he says to me (I'm his property manager on the verge of leaving him high and dry as it is) and he continues, so I say "good luck and goodbye".

I never get overly hostile, just upset. Sure I cuss, but that's how I fucking talk and my daughter was upset, my parents are being bitches and my brother is the same.

All my fucking life I've heard these words from my father "you'll burn" or "you're going to burn for that". Meaning, I'm going to hell. That sure makes a person want to have faith right? What a joke. I tell them, and mind you I'm excited because I think this may be helpful for me, that I may have found a place to go to be at peace and they throw it in my face.

My mom was supposed to go to the Mayo clinic yesterday and I called my dad, no answer. He texts me, about an hour ago and tells me "No we did not go to the Mayo due to weather. Mom is ok. Depressed over conversation with you". I say "wow thanks for laying that one on me", he says "you want me to lie".

It's sad to say, that I've come to a point in my life where my parents hold no value to me anymore. They are awful people who think they are great and devote. I am 150% done. I'm fucking done. Their window is closed and they can die for all I fucking care.

I often think things would have been easier if the cancer would have taken my dad 6 years ago. He's never shown me love, only beaten me down (emotionally and physically as a child/teen) and I am disgusted with him and my mother. I don't have time to hate them, or the capacity, but I'm done.

[aens_wife]

That is heartbreaking, Adam. Honestly, some people just aren't worth the pain they put us through even if they are your parents. I think that having some boundaries with them is the best way forward. Decide what you can handle (maybe nothing from them) and then follow through. You get to decide what you can/want to handle in your life, not them.

[Bassist_Diver]

Dude, I get that. My family is driving me up a fucking wall and my fiance and I are damn near ready to write them off. It's all unnecessary drama and sibling pissing matches. My family is Greek so I was raised with the mantra that "family comes first" but the hypocrisy is mind boggling. Stay strong, power ahead, and keep showing your daughter was a good father looks like.

[friendship]

It's not strange that you still want approval from your parents, jwar; that's coded into our biology and reinforced culturally. People end up spending way too many painful years in abusive and/or toxic relationships with their parents because of that. I will say that, while difficult and painful, it is absolutely worth it to cut them out of your life. I wish I had done it a lot sooner than I did.

[dubkitty]

i had to quit dealing with my parents for a decade in the 70s/80s. they were just too drunk and fucked-up to cope with. fortunately, i was able to get closer to my mom in the 90s before she died.

[BitchPudding]

I avoid my parents as much as possible. When my now fiancee got pregnant they stopped caring about me and treated me like garbage in a time when I was scared. I felt like and wanted to die. Then of course once my son was born, they wanted to waltz back into my life like nothing happened.

Fuck. That.

I make damn sure now they keep their distance. It's gotten a little better now relationship wise with them, but I dont trust them. And on most occasions I would rather they stay away.

It hurts cause I still love them, but I feel like because of my fuck up I became the family loser. Both of my sisters are doing well, middle one is about to graduate university, youngest is gonna be a senior in high school. And here I am trying to not feel like waste 99% of the time.

I hate myself. I really do.


Oh, unrelated to the parent thing but very much related to the "i hate myself" thing. I've slept a total of two hours and 30 mins last night. Kept having horrifying nightmares like clockwork every time I fell asleep. Ended up giving up on sleeping around 5:30am. Whats worse is I fell asleep by accident for 30 mins before I left for work and ended up having a nightmare in the span of 30 mins.

All the nightmares were in relation to upsetting people that I love, mainly my fiancee. I don't like making her sad and angry. It always feels like I've failed her.

Then again, I always feel like a failure so thats nothing new. Im always the butt end of peoples jokes. At least thats what it feels like.

So im at work, tired, and about to cry. I just wanna go home. At least there I can cry in relative solitude.

I'm sorry guys. I always end up clogging up this thread with my bullshit.

[dubkitty]

Kept having horrifying nightmares like clockwork every time I fell asleep. Ended up giving up on sleeping around 5:30am. Whats worse is I fell asleep by accident for 30 mins before I left for work and ended up having a nightmare in the span of 30 mins.

i relate to this all too well. ever since i quit smoking pot i've been having horrible baroque nightmares that kick right back in if i wake up and then fall back asleep. i got up and spent an hour on the computer at 4AM today because the nightmare was so creepy, and had a completely different one when i went back to sleep at 5. i'm going to try smoking in moderation again and see if it helps, even though pot is not good for my depression. maybe if i keep it to a little in the evenings it'll be OK. as if i can do that LOL

[nogodsnobedtimes]

In other news, it is April and winter hasn't let up for more than a day or two in Wisconsin. We have well over a foot of fresh snow. It is cold and grey and wet here. We haven't had one single day where the temp was over 55 degrees. It is really wearing on me.

Why do we live here?!?

Please switch with me.
All I want is to live somewhere that's basically tundra for most of the year.

yeah...no. I am not interested in moving to Ohio. Sorry man. lol.

I want out of the midwest.

You and me both. God.


Speaking of hate/rage/irritation.

Why is it that no matter what age I am, I seek approval from my parents? I'm about to be fucking 36, and yet I still seem to hold some kind of value in what they say or think of me. I've allowed them a window into my life so much so that they feel like they can just talk to me in anyway they want.

I spoke on Discord to some about this yesterday but I'm still pissed, especially after my dad's text this morning.

I decided I wanted to try a different church. I haven't been going to church for almost a year now. I thought my parents would be happy but NOPE, they tell me "we'll pray for you" because it's not a Catholic church? Pray for me? Like it's a fucking attack. Like praying for me is a way of saying "you're fucking up son". I say, whatever and hang up. My dad proceeds to call me for two days going on and on with scripture and actually brings a binder full of fucking print outs on why the Catholic church is the right church to my home. Two days. I can't get a word in inch wise.

The next day is my daughter's birthday (13). She asks my dad to go to dinner with us, which he says ok but he has to talk to my mom. Well, the time rolls around to go and he texts me to tell her he can't go now because my sister has randomly shown up at their house. My daughter is upset, and I let them know. So he tells me he can't be two places at once and it's not his fault. I tell him that he's made his choice that's fine.

Again, the following day I get a call from my brother. Who I tell him what a douche my dad has been. He's understanding, because he knows how my dad is. Then my dad calls him. They talk, my brother calls me back and asks me if I'm acting the way I am because I started new meds (which I did 3 weeks ago). My answer is simple "fuck you" and a hang up.

My brother texts me nasty shit, I tell him to watch what he says to me (I'm his property manager on the verge of leaving him high and dry as it is) and he continues, so I say "good luck and goodbye".

I never get overly hostile, just upset. Sure I cuss, but that's how I fucking talk and my daughter was upset, my parents are being bitches and my brother is the same.

All my fucking life I've heard these words from my father "you'll burn" or "you're going to burn for that". Meaning, I'm going to hell. That sure makes a person want to have faith right? What a joke. I tell them, and mind you I'm excited because I think this may be helpful for me, that I may have found a place to go to be at peace and they throw it in my face.

My mom was supposed to go to the Mayo clinic yesterday and I called my dad, no answer. He texts me, about an hour ago and tells me "No we did not go to the Mayo due to weather. Mom is ok. Depressed over conversation with you". I say "wow thanks for laying that one on me", he says "you want me to lie".

It's sad to say, that I've come to a point in my life where my parents hold no value to me anymore. They are awful people who think they are great and devote. I am 150% done. I'm fucking done. Their window is closed and they can die for all I fucking care.

I often think things would have been easier if the cancer would have taken my dad 6 years ago. He's never shown me love, only beaten me down (emotionally and physically as a child/teen) and I am disgusted with him and my mother. I don't have time to hate them, or the capacity, but I'm done.

Your dad sounds a lot like my grand father. Be a good dad to your kid and that's all that'll matter. When she's older she'll get it and realize he's a dick.

[waltdogg]

two multiple homicides in one day. fuck. i'm sure there were more.

[OldGeorge]

Two more nights on call and then BEER! I loath my self imposed prison sentence every 5 weeks... first world problems.

[jirodreamsofdank]

I've developed achilles tendonitis (I think, it looks a little lower than the images I can find) in my right foot and I don't know how. I haven't been running or wearing different shoes or walking more than normal. Hurts like a motherfucker, like someone is jabbing a knife into my heel with every step.

[BetterOffShred]

Dude that blows! Have you tried gently stretching a few times a day? Maybe take some MSM/chondroitin/glucosamine tablets too? Tendon stuff really hurts.. I had tennis elbow.. but I've never played tennis..

[Andrew]

Fuck, I have the worst Dental anxiety when I get anxious. There's never a problem, just fixating on non existent things

I've developed achilles tendonitis (I think, it looks a little lower than the images I can find) in my right foot and I don't know how. I haven't been running or wearing different shoes or walking more than normal. Hurts like a motherfucker, like someone is jabbing a knife into my heel with every step.

Seriously look at getting yourself some Orthotics - preferably from a Podiatrist (store bought innersoles aren't great), sounds like you have textbook Plantar Fasciitis and orthotics are very effective at treating it.

I also happen to make them for a living

[01010111]

I need a new job. But to get a job that’s closer to what I want, I either have to go back to school or take a massive paycut and work my way back up to my current level.