Soy Boyz 2: Eclectic Boobaloo



Moderator: Ghost Hip

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby JonnyAngle » Mon Oct 09, 2017 7:34 pm

$harkToootth wrote:
Achtane wrote:If you ever want to be completely emasculated...
If you wanna feel more impotent than ever...
If you just need to experience the sexual equivalent of a transmission failure, or perhaps a dumpster fire...

Try a hot bondage/sensory deprivation scenario with a significant other who has ADHD, my dudes.
Never again. My confidence took a while to recover. I flew too close to the sun.

Image

The more specific the better
JonnyAngle

User avatar
IAMILFFAMOUS
IAMILFFAMOUS
 
Posts: 3858
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2015 11:35 am
Location: Maple Grove, MN

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby Achtane » Mon Oct 09, 2017 9:36 pm

One night, the gf won $100 on a scratcher ticket, so instead of doing something foolish like saving it, we blew it all in an emporium of expensive weighted motors and fake dongs. Oh, plus I bought ratcheting tie-downs because I thought it would be amusing and the sound could be a turn-on.

It turned out that they weren't long enough to be run under the bed like I wanted. So she'd have to be in a very specific location. Whatever, it'll work.
The blindfold we got was weirdly too tight and acted more like a migraine inducing torture device.
The belt-like cuffs were cheaply made and didn't tighten enough to be convincing. We improvised with a rope made of material that, as we later discovered, she's allergic to!

Anyway, I thought it'd be cool to make her wear headphones and run some, like, harsh industrial music through em to drown out any outside sound. I couldn't find anything besides earbuds, which kept falling out when she moved, so I taped them to her head with this "bondage tape". It's not adhesive but clings to itself via static or something, so it's actually pretty cool, but keeping the earbuds on with it made it way too tight around her head. So I nixed that idea. Oh, plus it was through fucking Pandora so the hot "I'M GONNA PLEASURE THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF YOU IN A MOST DANGEROUS MANNER, MADAM" music was punctuated by extremely loud commercials.
While this was going on, the rope started irritating her skin, but I tediously retied everything instead of not using it because I thought the knots were just too tight. At this point my boner was listing but I could still salvage the situation.
So we don't need the headphones, I'll just turn the lights off and put the TV on.
"Is that Grey's Anatomy?"
Oh my god.
Whatever, I've got this. I have...an idea.
I GENTLY ran a machete along her skin. We totally have a machete under the bed. For reasons.
She's not ticklish, but this was her moment to be. So she's now violently and involuntarily thrusting her body towards the fuckoff-huge knife I'm holding. I toss it aside before this turns into a murder scene.

Could I loosen the rope here? And there?
The blindfold is killing her. Plus the lack of vision is making the TV REALLY distracting. And this is on a person who gets distracted and trails off in the middle of sentences. Why did I think this would work?!
Ok.
No more blindfold. No ropes. Just give me a minute, the ratchet straps are fighting me.
But we've still got this. Because we're the dream team.
Things are actually still going ok. Just in a different direction than intended. And that's ok.
Then, the vibrator died. And with it, all traces of sensuality. My boner is dead. Love is dead. God is dead. I wish I was dead. Neither of us can do this. Let's just watch TV tonight.

The end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Louy7zH9guw
sonidero wrote:Roll a plus 13 for fire and with my immunity to wack I dodge the cough and pass a turn to chill and look at these rocks...

kbithecrowing wrote:Making out with my girl friday night, I couldn't stop thinking about flangers.

Dr. Sherman Sticks M.D. wrote:Und jetzt lass uns ein paar Bäume abfackeln und Beats machen!

Image
Achtane

User avatar
IAMILFFAMOUS
IAMILFFAMOUS
 
Posts: 13770
Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2010 2:09 am
Location: under the manchineel

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby $harkToootth » Mon Oct 09, 2017 9:50 pm

Image
That was wonderful! Thank you for sharing!
I could never get into bondage/bondage porn because of that. Too many moving parts. It all seems too needy for me.
I think learning to tie knots is a lost skill...but not for that.
"SWIPE LEFT ASSHOLE!" -retinal orbita
"Whatever ASSHOLE here’s my pedal that makes humpback whale noises and also it has a built in sequencer so stick it in your craw! -retinal orbita
"Patty Mullen takes me from a ball peen to a sledge" -The Great Velvet Hammer
"...at this exact moment Divine has learned of your jealous scheme from the local town gossip. She also has your address, ASS HOLE!" -Narrator (Mr. J) PINK FLAMINGOS
$harkToootth

User avatar
IAMILFFAMOUS
IAMILFFAMOUS
 
Posts: 4203
Joined: Fri May 06, 2016 3:28 pm
Location: Lagos, Nijersey

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby imJonWain » Mon Oct 09, 2017 10:11 pm

did you save the receipt at least?
Like I said they say, nothing stops a party barge.
imJonWain

User avatar
FAMOUS
FAMOUS
 
Posts: 1323
Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:56 pm
Location: Boston Area

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby Iommic Pope » Mon Oct 09, 2017 10:30 pm

Damn Achtane.
You did your best man.
Romance is hard, dude.
WWPD?
fcknoise wrote:You are all fucking tryhard effort posting nerds

Invisible Man wrote:I'm probably the most humble person I know. I feel good about smelling my own butthole.

Jesus Was a Robot wrote:Did you just assume Billy Corgan's dildo preference??
Iommic Pope

User avatar
IAMILFFAMOUS
IAMILFFAMOUS
 
Posts: 11395
Joined: Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:41 pm
Location: Frimmin' on the Fram

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby codetocontra » Tue Oct 10, 2017 12:01 am

Story delivered. Thanks.
codetocontra

User avatar
FAMOUS
FAMOUS
 
Posts: 1712
Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2011 12:52 am
Location: parts unknown

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby $harkToootth » Tue Oct 10, 2017 11:57 am

I want more Achtane sex stories. I don't care how that sounds.
"SWIPE LEFT ASSHOLE!" -retinal orbita
"Whatever ASSHOLE here’s my pedal that makes humpback whale noises and also it has a built in sequencer so stick it in your craw! -retinal orbita
"Patty Mullen takes me from a ball peen to a sledge" -The Great Velvet Hammer
"...at this exact moment Divine has learned of your jealous scheme from the local town gossip. She also has your address, ASS HOLE!" -Narrator (Mr. J) PINK FLAMINGOS
$harkToootth

User avatar
IAMILFFAMOUS
IAMILFFAMOUS
 
Posts: 4203
Joined: Fri May 06, 2016 3:28 pm
Location: Lagos, Nijersey

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby JonnyAngle » Tue Oct 10, 2017 12:44 pm

Achtane wrote:One night, the gf won $100 on a scratcher ticket, so instead of doing something foolish like saving it, we blew it all in an emporium of expensive weighted motors and fake dongs. Oh, plus I bought ratcheting tie-downs because I thought it would be amusing and the sound could be a turn-on.

It turned out that they weren't long enough to be run under the bed like I wanted. So she'd have to be in a very specific location. Whatever, it'll work.
The blindfold we got was weirdly too tight and acted more like a migraine inducing torture device.
The belt-like cuffs were cheaply made and didn't tighten enough to be convincing. We improvised with a rope made of material that, as we later discovered, she's allergic to!

Anyway, I thought it'd be cool to make her wear headphones and run some, like, harsh industrial music through em to drown out any outside sound. I couldn't find anything besides earbuds, which kept falling out when she moved, so I taped them to her head with this "bondage tape". It's not adhesive but clings to itself via static or something, so it's actually pretty cool, but keeping the earbuds on with it made it way too tight around her head. So I nixed that idea. Oh, plus it was through fucking Pandora so the hot "I'M GONNA PLEASURE THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF YOU IN A MOST DANGEROUS MANNER, MADAM" music was punctuated by extremely loud commercials.
While this was going on, the rope started irritating her skin, but I tediously retied everything instead of not using it because I thought the knots were just too tight. At this point my boner was listing but I could still salvage the situation.
So we don't need the headphones, I'll just turn the lights off and put the TV on.
"Is that Grey's Anatomy?"
Oh my god.
Whatever, I've got this. I have...an idea.
I GENTLY ran a machete along her skin. We totally have a machete under the bed. For reasons.
She's not ticklish, but this was her moment to be. So she's now violently and involuntarily thrusting her body towards the fuckoff-huge knife I'm holding. I toss it aside before this turns into a murder scene.

Could I loosen the rope here? And there?
The blindfold is killing her. Plus the lack of vision is making the TV REALLY distracting. And this is on a person who gets distracted and trails off in the middle of sentences. Why did I think this would work?!
Ok.
No more blindfold. No ropes. Just give me a minute, the ratchet straps are fighting me.
But we've still got this. Because we're the dream team.
Things are actually still going ok. Just in a different direction than intended. And that's ok.
Then, the vibrator died. And with it, all traces of sensuality. My boner is dead. Love is dead. God is dead. I wish I was dead. Neither of us can do this. Let's just watch TV tonight.

The end.

This sounds like it should be a scene in a movie
JonnyAngle

User avatar
IAMILFFAMOUS
IAMILFFAMOUS
 
Posts: 3858
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2015 11:35 am
Location: Maple Grove, MN

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby codetocontra » Tue Oct 10, 2017 1:07 pm

Dark comedy amateur vidz could be a new genre.
codetocontra

User avatar
FAMOUS
FAMOUS
 
Posts: 1712
Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2011 12:52 am
Location: parts unknown

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby imJonWain » Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:37 pm

This needs bumps! Any good stories? is neon off the grid?

I ran into a regular from the bar I worked at like 8 years ago and we are supposed to get drinks soon.
Like I said they say, nothing stops a party barge.
imJonWain

User avatar
FAMOUS
FAMOUS
 
Posts: 1323
Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:56 pm
Location: Boston Area

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby $harkToootth » Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:49 pm

I got nuff'in but rest assured! If anything humiliating happens to me in the near future...this will be the first place I update.
"SWIPE LEFT ASSHOLE!" -retinal orbita
"Whatever ASSHOLE here’s my pedal that makes humpback whale noises and also it has a built in sequencer so stick it in your craw! -retinal orbita
"Patty Mullen takes me from a ball peen to a sledge" -The Great Velvet Hammer
"...at this exact moment Divine has learned of your jealous scheme from the local town gossip. She also has your address, ASS HOLE!" -Narrator (Mr. J) PINK FLAMINGOS
$harkToootth

User avatar
IAMILFFAMOUS
IAMILFFAMOUS
 
Posts: 4203
Joined: Fri May 06, 2016 3:28 pm
Location: Lagos, Nijersey

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby neonblack » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:22 am

I'm back. I've just had nothing interesting happen to my genitals since I last updated.
neonblack

User avatar
IAMILFFAMOUS
IAMILFFAMOUS
 
Posts: 8026
Joined: Fri Feb 28, 2014 12:00 am
Location: Wilmington, NC

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby codetocontra » Fri Nov 24, 2017 1:07 am

Here to doubt the genital statistic.
codetocontra

User avatar
FAMOUS
FAMOUS
 
Posts: 1712
Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2011 12:52 am
Location: parts unknown

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby jrfox92 » Fri Nov 24, 2017 1:16 am

neonblack wrote:I'm back. My dick's been on hiatus since I last updated.
Since I always forget:

Inconuucl wrote:You can't kill Strymon, it'll just resurrect 3 days later.

BitchPudding wrote:Despite all my rage, I am still just eating tacos in a cage.

Inconuucl wrote:Welcome to ilf, we have three jokes and twelve posters. <3
jrfox92

User avatar
IAMILFFAMOUS
IAMILFFAMOUS
 
Posts: 4414
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 11:23 am
Location: Akron, Ohio

Re: Soy Boyz 2 Men

Postby Invisible Man » Fri Nov 24, 2017 9:05 am

codetocontra wrote:Here to doubt the genital statistic.


:lol:
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.
Invisible Man

User avatar
Zen of BILF
Zen of BILF
 
Posts: 4587
Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2014 3:26 pm

PreviousNext

Return to General Discussion



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests


Sponsored Ad. (Please no inflated/repetitive clicking. Thanks!)

Advertisements help support ILF


ilovefuzz.com is not responsible for user-submitted content. Users participate at their own discretion and risk.