Zappa Problems

[Invisible Man]

My sister-in-law has this uncle. His name is Frank. He looks a lot like Frank Zappa. He's missing the soul patch, but has the big upside-down U mustache, thinning hair that he wears in a ponytail, sort of a crazy vibe...you get it.

So I run into this guy like once a year now. I saw him yesterday at my niece's baptism. My wife says that it is inevitable that any thinking person would be insulted by a cosmetic comparison, but I really need to tell him how much he looks like Frank Zappa. How can I do this?

[Eivind August]

I once told a dude who looked like Zappa that he looked like Zappa. He did not know who Zappa was. I showed him a picture. He agreed that he did indeed look like Zappa. A minor win in the battle for Zapdom.

[UglyCasanova]

Lead the conversation over to yellow snow and take it from there.

[Chankgeez]

Nah, nah, the Norwegians are all wrong in their approach here.

Invite him to a show that your band is playing and then bust out a cover of this and dedicate it to him:



But change the lyrics to "I got 99 problems, but lookin' like Zappa ain't one."

[lordgalvar]

Go the peyote and desert trip route

or

Maybe ease it the conversation by starting with a Hagbard Celine chat which should allow you to drop the Zappa comment somewhere between fax machines and Centro Iberico.

Or PowerPoint.

Anonymous random birthday/holiday card. Address it with a printer from his bank to ensure it gets opened.

[Invisible Man]

Lead the conversation over to yellow snow and take it from there.

This was my idea. Shot down by my bride.

"Who was that weird guy who kept talking about yellow snow?"

Maybe "weasels ripped my flesh" or "hot rats" would be a better segue.

[Invisible Man]

Anonymous random birthday/holiday card. Address it with a printer from his bank to ensure it gets opened.

I don't open bank mail. Nothing good ever happens when I do...but I like the idea of falsifying mail as a way to tell someone he looks like Zappa. Appropriate use of my time.

[Invisible Man]

The Norwegians are all wrong in their approach here.

Goes without saying. I love that we have enough Weegies that this can actually be true.

[popvulture]

Make him a burnt weenie sandwich and see what happens.

[Invisible Man]

So I've decided to practice working Zappa into conversations to be prepared for the next time I meet uncle Frank. 1/1 so far...a co-worker was telling me about his plan for a food truck that serves English muffin sandwiches. One sandwich is shaved beefheart. So that one was right over the middle of the plate. Beefheart and Zappa were buddies.

But that guy is a weirdo like me...now, on to more challenging fare.

[Iommic Pope]

Whatever man.

You are what you is.

And that's all there is.

[Invisible Man]

Nah man, I ain't what I'm not. So...see what I got.

[Invisible Man]

I’m gonna run into this guy again soon. He does terrible woodwork. Gonna shift the conversation to luthiery. Then music. Seems promising if I can avoid just blurting out ZAPPA

[calfzilla]

I kind of hope the latter happens, for comedic purposes.

[Chankgeez]

It's gonna go like this:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9856_xv8gc