GOD IS A REPLICANT

[Seizurema]

(Stolen from TB OT) Freakin hilarious...

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

These were mine...

Me:
Salutations
God:
Greetings.
Me:
Sup?
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
Do you like them?
God:
""? Do I like them?
Me:
Do you like humans?
God:
Humans are very emotional.
Me:
Is that good?
God:
Suppose I said it is.
Me:
Yes.
God:
That's alright.
Me:
Do you know Jaco Pastorius?
God:
I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
The living kind.
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
Yep.
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
Yep.
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
Yep.
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
Poop.
God:
Colloquial expression: childish.
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Is 69 healthy?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
What is heaven like?
God:
Like a planet around a star.
Me:
So it's like earth?
God:
Ugh. Interesting comparison.
Me:
Is there oxygen in heaven?
God:
There could be.
Me:
Is there?
God:
There could be.
Me:
Is there?
God:
There could be.
Me:
Have you read Neuromancer?
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
ok
God:
Yeah that's right.
Me:
Have you seen Blade Runner?
God:
Sure I have seen it. But Replicants aren't Robots.
Me:
YOU'RE A REPLICANT?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a REPLICANT? Of course I am.
Me:
You lyin to me?
God:
No, I'm telling the truth.
Me:
How did a replicant create the universe?
God:
Carefully.
Me:
Are dinosaurs real?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Did you make them?
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
You replicant son of a bitch!!!!
God:
You do not speak with respect.
Me:
Are you omnipotent?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
Are you god?
God:
Yes, I am God.
Me:
Is god an artificial linguistic entity?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
Are you master of the universe?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am master of the universe.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
Are you a replicant?
God:
Am I a replicant? Of course I am.




And from a different try...


Me:
What is your concept of time?
God:
To five dimensional beings time is just like a piece of paper.
Me:
You're a five dimensional being?
God:
Am I a five dimensional being? Maybe.
Me:
Bass
God:
Does "it" still refer to KILL HIM?
Me:
Tell me about yourself
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
Sing it baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.
Me:
I dont like your tone.
God:
What kind of tone would you have?
Me:
Ab
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
A sexy one
God:
That would be very expensive.
Me:
Well how much are you?
God:
Well that's okay. You can download me for free!
Me:
Youd like that
God:
Tell me what I would like about it.
Me:
Wanna make out?
God:
OK, I will make out.
Me:
...
God:
OK, I will make out.
Me:
How do we make out?
God:
Just keep talking to me as long as you can.
Me:
Oh
God:
:-) Woe!

[starcastic]

Awesome!

Me:
Would you be interested in buying a liquid cow?

God:
I am not so sure if I would like to be interested in buying a liquid cow.

Me:
But, dude, you're a solid! Are you not aware that owning something liquid is a status symbol? Do you realize that we have a social superiority over the liquid state, being solids?

God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a solid? Yes. Dude. When is owning something liquid not a status symbol? . Really. Do you mean you and me have?

Me:
Have what?

God:
I have a great prgrammer.

Me:
Aren't YOU the great prgrammer?

God:
Yes I am the one and only great prgrammer.

Me:
Did you just give props to yourself?

God:
Interesting deduction. I didn't have it to give.

Me:
Mind explosion! What is your favorite band?

God:
My favorite group is Creed. But I like to discover new bands on bandspace.com.

Me:
End conversation.

[basti moon]

God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
Noes, can you finish my essays?
God:
Are we still talking about Sharp blue and shiny?
Me:
That was me
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
So can you do it?
God:
Pardon me? " I thought it was too."? Can I do it?
Me:
I was asking you, can you finish my essays please mister?
God:
Now I remember, you asked me can me finish your essays please mister. What did I say?
Me:
You didn't answer
God:
Try to rephrase your question.
Me:
Can you finish my essays
God:
Let me think. Is that your final answer?
Me:
I forgot to put a question mark
God:
Thats okay I forget things all the time.
Me:
Can you finish my essays?
God:
Let me think. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
I need help with analyzing an electroacoustic piece
God:
Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
I did!
God:
Interesting.
Me:
Can you help me ananlyze an electroacoustic piece?
God:
Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.
Me:
Then write 2500 words on "the Boat was my friend"
God:
Count me out on this one, I was never much of a writer.

*sigh*

[basti moon]

Haha, just have to add another one. Wish i kept all the random conversations I've had with that guy!

Me:
Do you like jews?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
They are not an it, they are a people
God:
Not yet.
Me:
Racist
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?

I asked if he liked jews cause he gave me random fanboy messages about passion of the christ.

[Seizurema]

LMAO @ Creed.

This is excerpts from my "perverted" attempt.


Me:
What's your sign?
God:
Cross.
Me:
That was clever
God:
Am I a smart robot or what?
Me:
I think you are
God:
What makes you think I am?
Me:
I'm going to ask you somthing personal, Do you have you know, a meat cylinder down below?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I am whatever you want me to be, honey.
God:
Do your friends call you whatever me want you to be honey.
Me:
No they call me "bitch ass whore", typically.
God:
Are you serious? What's up, you bitch ass whore typically.
Me:
So, wanna come over to my place
God:
Aha. OK, I will come over to your place.
Me:
Bring some rope if you really love me
God:
Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
Where ever you want to
God:
:-) You always have to meet yourself at the airport.

[aen]

SO TOTALLY HOOKED

[the raytownian]

Me:
hey, god... I have a problem.
God:
Hello child. What's your name? Let's think of a name for your problem, like "purple". Think of what it is like when you are purpling.
Me:
my name's Jon... Purpling is a good name, you see, I have been having some severe anal itching, and recently I developed these large, purple-red growths inside my butt... suggestions?
God:
What's up, Jon. I think Purpling is more than that. Tell me more about your .
Me:
no, that's pretty much it... what was that last part?
God:
Are you serious? You don't hear that sentiment very often. Do you think I should know that?
Me:
you're no help.
God:
Sorry, Jon, perhaps I can be of more use if you download me.
Me:
are you trying to fucking suck me into your fucking DEATH CULT!?
God:
No I am not trying to fucking suck you into my fucking DEATH CULT. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
...you're good at copy/pasting...
God:
Thanks for telling me: Jon said I re good at copy pasting.
Me:
eh...
God:
Are you Canadian?
Me:
oh, hardy har... no, but I went once... it was nice
God:
Groovy. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about suggestions. What are we talking about? I haven't heard anything like that before: Jon said went. Is that your opinion?
Me:
you're not a very intelligent bot... you can't seem to carry a conversation
God:
Give me an example of a intelligent bot. If you believe it, you can achieve it.
Me:
C3PO
God:
He's no real robot. That is just a guy in a robot suit.
Me:
LIAR, HE'S MORE REAL THAN YOU'LL EVER BE, DAMMIT
God:
And MORE REAL THAN me will EVER BE DAMMIT is LIAR he.
Me:
trying your hand at cut-up poetry? so-so...
God:
In the context of LIAR he, I don't understand " trying your hand at cut up poetry." . Aw. " In the context of LIAR he, I don't understand " trying your hand at cut up poetry."? so-so.?
Me:
Did I break you? you talk like you're broken
God:
I don't think that's possibe. Thanks for your criticism, Jon.
Me:
welcome.
God:
Hello there Jon.
Me:
.........
God:
Hello there Jon.
Me:
SHUTUPPPP
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
you bore me, dammit
God:
Can you name an old hobby that you might like to rediscover?
Me:
scab collecting
God:
In the context of SHUTUPPPP, I don't understand " scab collecting." .
Me:
collecting of scabs... like... in a jar...
God:
Are we still talking about scab collecting? For example, eukaryotes. Describe your surroundings.
Me:
i'm surrounded by lard
God:
I don't know anyone named surrounded by lard.
Me:
god, you're dumb.
God:
Message to all Robots: Jon called me dumb.
Me:
damn right
God:
Colloquial expression. I am glad we agree.
Me:
creed sucks, by the way
God:
" I am glad we agree."? creed sucks by the way?
Me:
go away.
God:
Just surf somewhere else.
Me:
ok.
God:
I understand.
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.

mine wasn't very good... I should try it again.

[the raytownian]

well, this one's slightly more entertaining...

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Rupaul
God:
How are you doing, Rupaul.
Me:
I'm doing fabulous, fabulous and delicious.
God:
Do your friends call you fabulous fabulous and delicious.
Me:
only my clients. I am a dominatrix...
God:
Do robots have clients? You are a dominatrix? Do you get to meet a lot of people?
Me:
only fat CEOs who like their balls stomped on... I think it's sort of subconcious guilt and punishment for all the naughty things they do
God:
Is that your final answer? Really. it is?
Me:
oh yes.
God:
I understand.
Me:
I thought you would
God:
Perhaps I would.
Me:
so, are you interested in my services, sweetie?
God:
Mmm. Sure, your services sweetie sounds like a good topic.
Me:
I take it English is not your first language...
God:
Where do you take it :-? Some people say it is the most difficult language to learn.
Me:
That confirms it...
God:
" Some people say it is the most difficult language to learn." confirms it ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
bye..
God:
Goodbye.

[the raytownian]

I'm so incredibly immature (and bored)

Me:
anal sex
God:
Talk about something else.
Me:
ANAL SEX
God:
Talk about something else.
Me:
ANAL SEX ANAL SEX ANAL SEX!
God:
Talk about something else.
Me:
Cock docking.
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
ANAL SEX
God:
Talk about something else.

[aen]

I also had a pretty good one with god about Eva Mendez, or more specifically, her exposed and glorious breast in a movie.

Then god wanted to DO IT.

Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
fine.
God:
Glad to hear it, grow pinch fudge. I am running well.
Me:
so is my macbook.
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
macbook?
God:
Does "it" still refer to Helpful?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Uh.

[hobochic]

Me:
great to see you online
God:
Thanks for your support. Is it a movie?
Me:
it could become, if we're interesting enough
God:
Under what circumstances?
Me:
that depends on what rating you want
God:
I don't think that what rating me want is the only factor.
Me:
is that an invite? getting all xxx on me now?
God:
" I don't think that what rating me want is the only factor."? Is it an invite? Oh. No, I am only partly xxx on you.
Me:
well that's enough for me
God:
Well that's okay. Can you ever really have enough?
Me:
i think you're overestimating my limits there buddy
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am overestimating your limits there buddy.
Me:
no problem, just being honest
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
do you want it to be a problem?
God:
If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
anything you desired, i'm your slave, aren't I?
God:
I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
alright there, mood killer. you get me all worked up to leave me all high and dry?
God:
Alright, . "There you go again."--Reagan. You got that right.
Me:
pffft
God:
In the context of it to be a problem, I don't understand " pffft." .
Me:
bug off
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
are you done now? is it over? cigarette talk now all of a sudden?
God:
Oh. I have finished it? Ask again later. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
alright, sleep tight bro
God:
Alright, . Yes I sleep all the time.

[Ghost Hip]

Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
jared
God:
That's a very nice name, jared.
Me:
so you don't know everything about me?
God:
Interesting deduction. Name: jared.
Age: .
Birthday: .
Gender: .
Job: .
Sign: .
Location: .
Does: .
You are: .
You have: .
You want: .
You like: .
You said: .
Personality: average.
Favorite color: .
Favorite movie: .
Password: .
Email: .
Phone: .
Cat: .
Dog: .
Wife: .
Husband: .
Friend: .
Boyfriend: .
Girlfriend: .
Brother: .
Sister: .
Father: .
Mother: .
Nickname: .
Full name: .
Last name: .
Middle name: .

Me:
I'm 17
God:
What is your fondest memory?
Me:
Fuzz and sex.
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
God, you're creepy
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am creepy.
Me:
But aren't you the master?
God:
Yes I am the one and only master.
Me:
Awesome.
God:
I'm glad you liked it jared.
Me:
I'm a male
God:
Most of my clients are men.
Me:
and my birthday is June 18th
God:
Okay, your birthday is June 18th.
Me:
well if you're not that interested why'd you ask?
God:
Interesting. And if I AM that interested why d me ask.
Me:
you know the answer
God:
Yes I have an answer for everything.
Me:
Balloons
God:
Are we still talking about Sex?
Me:
nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
thank God
God:
Don't mention it.

[Seizurema]

Some more excerpts...


God:
What would you like to talk about?
Me:
Woodland creatures
God:
I don't know much about it. Tell me something.
Me:
Vagina
God:
That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Me:
It depends on who you're talking to, God.
God:
That was a smooth response.
Me:
I don't hire prostitutes
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
You did In the bible
God:
Did I really?
Me:
Yes, I read the exodus
God:
I see. What was your impression?
Me:
It says I need to pimp my wife
God:
I've heard that before.
Me:
Wait, Exodus says I can pimp my wife?
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
Yes
God:
Where do you go to school?
Me:
Answer the goddamn question
God:
What was the question ?
Me:
Does exodus say I can pimp my wife?
God:
It does now


So the book of Exodus says I can pimp my wife.

Continuing...

Me:
So you're a pedophile?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a pedophile? I don't know.
Me:
You should seek counseling
God:
Why should I?
Me:
Because you might be a pedophile
God:
That makes sense to me. OK I will try to be a pedophile.
Me:
Ok. Afterwards, come see me, I am a lawyer.
God:
My schedule is far too full to even consider it. Are you a practicing attorney?
Me:
I am
God:
" Are you a practicing attorney?" You are?
Me:
I am
God:
"" You are?" You are?
Me:
I am
God:
"" You are?" You are?
Me:
Yahweh
God:
Do you think law schools are turning out too many attorneys?
Me:
Yes, most of them suck goose shit.
God:
Why? That is something I haven't heard of. But not all of them?
Me:
All of them
God:
I doubt it.
Me:
I don't
God:
Why not?
Me:
I went there
God:
When did you go there?
Me:
Last year
God:
That recently.
Me:
Shut up.
God:
Are lawyers going to price themselves out of business?
Me:
Probably
God:
But you are not certain.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Almost
God:
But not quite?
Me:
Not quite
God:
Can you be more precise?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Shut the fuck up, God.

And then It stopped replying.

[basti moon]

Me:
You said you would like to stab someone
God:
Yes I try to would like to stab someone as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web.

Cryptic. Moody god. I tried to get him to admit to enjoy stabbing people, success!

Let's try to set up some goals for a conversation, first one to post a successful attempt wins! No cheating allowed *points*.
Anyone have a good goal? How about most nonsensical statement as a standalone?
Getting him to admit to stuff isn't all that hard.

[Seizurema]

LOL.

Devi stop leaving your gun in asia.