The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...



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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby echorec » Tue Jul 03, 2018 12:01 pm

Jwar wrote:My wife understands, my kids understand....no one else.

FUCK MY FAMILY. Fuck my friends. I'm getting to the point of no return. Nobody gives a shit how I am or how I feel. I'm just done.


Is there any scenario (without divorce), where you and your wife liquidate your assets and move out of state? If you can move and never look back, that seems to be the only way you're going to survive this.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby Jwar » Tue Jul 03, 2018 12:42 pm

friendship wrote:
aens_wife wrote:Boundaries, friend. You don't need to keep your family in your daily life if they aren't good for you.

Sending you love and peace. I hope you get a break from the BS soon.


+1

Your wife and kids get you, and that means the world. They care about how you're doing and how you feel, right?

There's this big taboo against cutting family out of your life, but I think it's a taboo that exists to allow abusive/toxic people to never change or face consequences for their behavior. It sounds like they don't respect your time or effort and are taking advantage of you whenever you let them. It doesn't matter if you share DNA or not: that's not family. Put up firm boundaries and don't let them weasel their way over them, which I promise they will try to do. They'll probably try to leverage guilt and shame against you, but you know what? At this point, they owe you big time, not the other way around. Consider cutting the most toxic ones out of your life entirely. It changes your life for the better and you'll marvel at why you waited so long to do it.


This is exactly what I've been debating the last week. I actually told my wife that all this time I've stuck around Kansas because I wanted family to be the most important thing. What I didn't realize is that nobody else gave a fuck. They act like they do when it's convenient, but otherwise, NOPE.

I'm a loving guy and it hurts me. My heart aches. I have so much to give and I get walked all over. It's kind of earth shattering for me you know? I feel like all I want to do is love and be kind and instead I'm full hate and disgust. It's just not possible for me to have it the other way with these people.

When I was at ILFMW, I felt family. Is that strange? Everyone there, even if we squabble sometimes, were people I respect, like and have a heart for.

So, when I'm hear and I don't find that. It kills me.


I have talked to my wife many times about packing up and moving. My cousin actually just did that. He also realizes how toxic our family is and decided to get the fuck out. I don't fault him at all. I'm jealous and I wish him the very best. He's a great guy.

So, can I move? That depends. Is my happiness more important than everyone else's? My daughter's best friend lives right behind us (they fucking love each other) and are 13. So, that's building blocks time you know? My other daughters love this area, and my wife has friends here and she loves all of them.

I'm the only one without that. Which makes me realize that I am also the problem. I don't make friends and find things to do other than listen to bullshit. If I had a full time gig, I wouldn't be available for family to walk on.

So, my plan is this.

Change my cell phone number. It's a long time coming. I'm not giving it to ANYONE. Only a select few.
Tell my family if you do not respect my boundaries after we have established them, we will no longer be speaking on any level.
Try to make some new friends or work somewhere outside of the house to gain some sanity.

Other suggestions welcome.
"I do not have the ability to think rationally 90% of the time and I also change my mind at the drop of a hat".

-JWAR :)
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby Blackened Soul » Tue Jul 03, 2018 1:46 pm

Jwar wrote:Other suggestions welcome.

:hug:
Start a band/noiseart commune :idk:
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby Eivind August » Fri Jul 06, 2018 3:11 pm

That sucks, jwar, but it sounds like you have a good plan. Getting the duck out and leaving might be an attractive option to many, but that's not really how it works when your choices affects others.

Anyway, you're a good guy, and you will find friends and greater stability. Just try to tune out the noise in the meantime.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby spacelordmother » Fri Jul 06, 2018 3:45 pm

Blackened Soul wrote:
Jwar wrote:Other suggestions welcome.

:hug:
Start a band/noiseart commune :idk:

Like Gwar, but Jwar. :lol:
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby BitchPudding » Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:18 pm

Had a massive panic attack on Tuesday, closest I've been to having my fiancee call 911. I'm starting to scare myself with how bad this is getting. I can't handle any stress without it immediately putting me on a cliff mentally.

I'm gonna try to get help this week. Pray for me. Or don't. Sacrifice an animal? idk.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby D.o.S. » Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:21 pm

Ya that's not good. You have stopped smoking weed I presume? That doesn't usually help with panic attacks.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby BitchPudding » Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:23 pm

D.o.S. wrote:Ya that's not good. You have stopped smoking weed I presume? That doesn't usually help with panic attacks.

The dead opposite. I've been smoking/taking edibles all week. Only time I don't feel like im gonna break is when im baked as fuck. And I dont like being baked as fuck all the time.

I did go on a hike yesterday which helped. Smoked a little once I got to the creek. Was nice.
ummohyeah wrote:Godspeed rule and no amount of tape would make their pedalboards safe from my cum.


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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby D.o.S. » Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:35 pm

Ok well brain chemistry/individual results etc. but you might want to consider ways that you can dial that back (with things like exercise, etc) a bit without being consumed by fear of the void.

Easier said than done, obviously :lol: I'm pulling for you duder
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby BitchPudding » Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:42 pm

True that. Thank you, really.

Fairly certain that therapy will help. My biggest fear is what if it doesnt.

I want the help tho. So at least theres that.
ummohyeah wrote:Godspeed rule and no amount of tape would make their pedalboards safe from my cum.


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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby Jwar » Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:55 pm

Get benzos. It sucks to have to take them but at the same time, what else can you do? Suffer forever? Fuck that.
"I do not have the ability to think rationally 90% of the time and I also change my mind at the drop of a hat".

-JWAR :)
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby Gone Fission » Sun Jul 08, 2018 2:43 pm

Had our hound girl put down. She outlasted her one-to-three months she was given when the cancer came back by three weeks. She kept milking out what she could, and she had some good time, until she started a spiral this week. We were talking with the vet about whether we could get her a little more good time by adjusting her meds, but there were no guarantees she would have done better and we wouldn't have had to make the decision when she was feeling much worse. So before things got bad, we made sure she was super comfortable and fealt safe and loved and were there with her as she went.

Don't regret the decision, but I miss my girl.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby BetterOffShred » Sun Jul 08, 2018 4:33 pm

:cry:

Sorry man. It's tough to lose friends in any form.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby Lurker13 » Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:29 pm

BitchPudding wrote:True that. Thank you, really.

Fairly certain that therapy will help. My biggest fear is what if it doesnt.

I want the help tho. So at least theres that.

Don't let that fear stop you, because it is really just fear of the unknown.

As someone who has been through therapy, I think you will find it a relief just to be able to talk to someone who won't judge you or be thinking about how your issues affect their life. Your doctor/therapist will only be interested in treating you to help you get healthy.

You can do this. :hug:
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby fcknoise » Sun Jul 08, 2018 7:35 pm

BitchPudding wrote:Had a massive panic attack on Tuesday, closest I've been to having my fiancee call 911. I'm starting to scare myself with how bad this is getting. I can't handle any stress without it immediately putting me on a cliff mentally.

I'm gonna try to get help this week. Pray for me. Or don't. Sacrifice an animal? idk.


Damn dude, I’ll do my version of praying for you which is just genuinely wishing you the best and keeping you in my thoughts.

My GF had the same this Monday, which is why I’m in this thread. She called to say good bye and I was on the phone with her for hours. Ended up taking the flight down to her (in Germany) the next day and it seems to go a little better now. I want her to get professional help tho as i can’t do anything really.

Simultaneously, my moms cancer is mostly good news, the surgery went well and all, but they upgraded what they found to a whatever stage cancer that is apparently really aggressive, so she has to go through chemo now and while she has a lot of other support I feel like a pretty crucial support pillar to her right now. I’m doing fine, but I feel like such important people depend on me with their life right now I don’t really know how to deal with it.

Also, I’m making a documentary with a friend rn (I’ll post about this in another thread soon) which is really fun but it eats up paid-job-time, as well as actual money. Which again, hinders my ability to support the people who need me.

Sorry, I just don’t know where I can complain about this because I’m so set on keeping up the appearance of strength for everyone else
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